Welcome to The Faster Times update. In today's edition, we bring you dating in the cloud, Shaquille O'Neal, Iranian nukes (or lack thereof), violent bodyguards, and Sarah Palin's take on Paul Revere. Enjoy!

Jacques is lot like my other boyfriends on Cloud Girlfriend (cloudgirlfriend.com), in the sense that he’s gorgeous and prefers online interactions to real-world ones. He’s the sort of person who digs massively multi-player online role-playing games (MMORPG)—and there’s probably a chance that he and Spike and Alejandro and Deirdre—and everyone else I’m currently dating, for that matter—have probably unwittingly traded advice on reddit.com, or even met before on one of their favorite MMORPG’s.

My first memory of Shaquille O’Neal is linked to a bulky VHS tape that came in the mail when my dad subscribed to Sports Illustrated. The year was 1992 or 1993 and the video captured the year in sports, announcing that the NBA would be forever changed by this seven-foot behemoth as he slid across the floor, on his chest, for a loose ball, his big, black frame moving with all the grace of a celluloid ribbon–he was packed with entertainment.

Seymour Hersh’s new piece in the New Yorker has generated a fair amount of buzz, so much so that Iran hawks have quickly leaped into action to try to discredit it. Virtually none of the criticism of Hersh’s piece has actually addressed the substance of his article, however, and since the article is subscription-only, it’s possible that not many people have actually gotten a chance to read it. It may therefore be worthwhile simply to spell out what Hersh’s piece actually says.

Patti LaBelle may be the ultimate diva, but by most accounts, she doesn’t act like one. But according to Richard King, a Houston-based West Point cadet, she had a bonafide gangsta moment several months ago.

Well, Sarah Palin continues her Magical Mystery whatever bus tour thing, and the media continues to gamely tag along behind her, trying to figure out whatever the hell it is that Sarah Palin is doing. (Preparing to run for President? Readying herself for the Rapture? Your guess is as good as ours.)