Okay, so, um...to what extent do you want updates?
Like, I dunno
I could tell you I'm sorta wired right now bc the coffee I
made
earlier
with Mexican vanilla extract made it taste like candy, and I
ate
a
box
of
cookies and am filled with sugar and spice and caffeine as
preparation
for
tackling that Columbia essay tonight because it's due
tomorrow
and
I'm
a
procrastinator (or I could use the excuse that I've been sick
the
past
month, or just pull an artfag and say I was waiting for some
"epiphany"
of
my "vision").
Or I could give you updates as if you were my health
insurance
provider
(with every dr visit, test performed, and Rx filled).
Or I could give you updates as if you were my life insurance
provider
(which, in that case, I'm a non-smoker, quarterly perform
triathlons,
have
never had a tooth cavity and split my downtime between saving
puppies
and
volunteering at my local church).
Like, I dunno. We haven't talked for a month. I have no idea
wtf
to
say.
It's sorta like the awkwardness of a coworker sending you a
screenshot
of
whatever they're working on, but you happen to notice a
folder
on
their
desktop that says "She-Male Porn."
Or like your boss whom you work closely with texting you a
photo
of
his
"eclectically decorated hotel room" while on vacation in
Mexico,
where
you
happen to notice the chrome plated cocktail shaker in the
foreground,
reflecting two naked boys eating grapes whilst lounging on
his
bed.
...
Okay so maybe we didn't have that whole Catholic priest /
altar
boy
relationship in a past life.
sooo anyway...
I'm fine right now. It gets sorta scary/stressful when
dealing
with
it.
I
could elaborate on it all, but if you haven't noticed thus
far
I'm
on a
caffeine/sugar rush and this email's far too long as it is.
But, man, those Swedish chocolate mint cookies sure are
awesome.
On May 30, 2011, at 6:41 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com>
wrote:
I hope everything's okay and that you get well. Do whatever
the
doctors
tell you, take whatever medications you need to take and let
me
know
how
you're doing.
On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 5:00 PM, Nikki Loehr
<evilevilcouch@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi. I'm not entirely cognizant at the moment, but I just
wanted
to
make
sure you knew that I haven't harbored any hatred or anger
towards
you.
Yeah
there was a lot of bullshit but I don't really care. That
shit
doesn't
matter when you're faced with a chronic illness.
I dunno what's wrong right now, but my friend from HS (that
dude
Adrian
apart of the "cockblock brigade" when you met me) took me to
the ER
this
afternoon.
So far they've done an EKG, took an x-ray of my heart, stuck
a
catheter
in my urethra, stuck an IV drip in my arm, and I'm about to
get
a
CAT
scan
so they can look at my brain or something. I dunno, I may
have
had
a
micro-stroke or some heart thing related to the anemia. The
left
side
of my
face and parts of my left arm were sorta numb.
But yeah, like, seriously dude, the past is in the past. I
really
don't
give a shot about all of the crazy shit from back then.
Whats
the
point in
focusing on the negative? How is that pleasant in any
manner?
Theres
so much
pain and death externally, I choose to not have that within
my
own
mind.
Yeah, there's physical pain, but I didnt cause it. The
doctors
are
trying to
figure that out. All I know is that I don't want to die and
that I
do
love
you in whatever way that is. I love you as much as I love my
Nadya,
though I
don't want to be in a relationship with anyone for a very
long
while,
so
don't worry about me just jumping to the next fool or
whatever.
That
always
hurts to see that after a breakup. lol if anything, I really
just
want
a few
cabana boys to give me massages and take out my trash,
hahaha.
I
get
pretty
cranky when dudes get in my personal space lololol. Yeah
I've
gone
on
"dates" but I'm basically just getting out of the house and
the
dudes
insist
on paying. I guess im partially entertained by the novelty.
lol,
man,
it's
sort of hilarious I must say, but maybe I just don't care
because
my
interests and priorities are invested elsewhere. In that,
like,
I
don't
wanna die.
Anyway, don't feel weird about shit. The only way for you to
move
on
with
clarity is if you are able to forgive yourself.
But yeah I dunno if I'll be able to go home from the
hospital
tonight
or
whenever I'll get out. Fucking magnets.
HOPE YOU'RE DOING SWELL, SON. KEEP ROCKIN THE FUCK OUT or
whatever
the
fuck. Yeah.
Man it's cold here I want another fucking blanket. Pft,
bitches.
Hey at least I'm more
Oh CAT scan time gtg
Sent from my iPhone
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302