Hey Barrett,
Thanks for your quick response.
No one is in the office right now, so the article will probably run either tomorrow or on Sunday.
I do have one query though.
Now I know this request might come as a sort of a bother, considering we just went over it, but would it be possible for you to write up a quick paragraph (or a sentence or two, actually) in the introductory paragraph (not the introduction, but the first paragraph of the actual article) about how abhorrent what you are about to describe is, and how what you will describe relates to the reader? Remember, we need to assume our audience is daft and doesn't know what you are talking about.
Indeed, you DO cover why it is bad, but I'm afraid our readers will have to be a few paragraphs in before they realize its scope -- if they don't read far enough and aren't intelligent enough to grasp just how problematic it is, they might stop before they get to the....well...juicy parts that really underscore how bad this is really getting.
If you feel the article is still good as is, we will still run it, since obviously what you wrote is powerful and revealing of how depraved things have gotten. But I think the above mentioned appendings will help draw readers in. If you don't want to include it in the actual article, do you think it would be all right to include a few extra lines in the "introduction"?
Regardless, if you still disagree, we would still like to continue with publishing the article as is, along with the rest of the series.
Once again, I don't mean to cause offense, but I do think it will help to strengthen the *opening* to your article. Please let me know if this is cool or not.
Best Regards,
Hashem
________________________________________
From: Barrett Brown [
barriticus@gmail.com]
To: Hashem Said
Cc: Christopher Arsenault; Nasir Yousafzai Khan
Subject: Re: Barret: a couple of re-writes
Great, I'm glad we could come to an agreement, and thanks for your understanding. Go ahead and run it when you're ready and I'll get you an updated version of the persona management article in a few days.
On Fri, May 27, 2011 at 7:05 PM, Hashem Said <
saidh@aljazeera.net<mailto:
saidh@aljazeera.net>> wrote:
Dear Barrett,
Please don't take offense to the email.
If you feel passionately that this piece is good as is, we will run it as it stands without alteration (aside from minor edits, such as conforming it to our style guide - like turning the English into UK grammar, and such).
Please let us know if you would still like to proceed, and we will publish this as is. It's already been templated, edited and ready to go, so as soon as we hear the word, it will go up.
Cheers and best regards,
Hashem
________________________________________
Sent: Friday, May 27, 2011 10:01 PM
To: Christopher Arsenault
Cc: Nasir Yousafzai Khan; Hashem Said
Subject: Re: Barret: a couple of re-writes
I'm sorry, but what you're proposing is not at all appropriate. For one thing, it's not really about data mining; it's about a classified military apparatus that makes use of data mining in addition to a large number of other capabilities. And victims of data mining don't know they've been data mined; data mining is done secretly and on a massive scale. It's not something like identify theft. Why this is a problem is made quite clear throughout the piece.
As for "humanizing" and making the piece more "punchy," that's not something I do, as I think it's bad for journalism. The "pull" in this case comes from the fact that I am revealing a massive, advanced surveillance apparatus which the U.S. is using to monitor a great portion of the Arab world, and that I am explaining this as someone who has been leading a crowd-sourced investigation into the intelligence contracting industry for several months, which is why a number of journalists and others are already reporting that I'm about to reveal something big. Quotes from other privacy advocates would add nothing of substance to the piece; obviously they'd be opposed to it for the same reasons I've already noted. That's a major reason why I don't interview for articles.
I understand that you have an opinion about how an article like this should be written but I do as well, and since this is the most important piece I've ever done in terms of what it reveals, I need it to be done in accordance with my own views on journalism and in my own style. As such, I'm going to have to publish this piece elsewhere.
On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 9:00 AM, Christopher Arsenault <
Christopher.Arsenault@aljazeera.net<mailto:
Christopher.Arsenault@aljazeera.net><mailto:
Christopher.Arsenault@aljazeera.net<mailto:
Christopher.Arsenault@aljazeera.net>>> wrote:
Hi Barrett,
I hope this message finds you well. My name is Chris Arsenault and I am an editor with Al jazeera's english language website. I just read your first piece on data mining. While I really like the investigative angle and the research, I think the piece lacks pull and will need some additions and re-writes.
To over-simplify, I am left thinking: Who cares about all these e-mails and junk after I read it. You need to humanise the issue a little bit. And explain clearly to someone who isn't familiar with the issue why they should care about this. As it stands, the piece reads too much like a technical document.
I am hoping you can talk to some privacy advocates (start with the ACLU and go from there) aout why this is scarey, and then have them comment on particular aspects of the case. Ideally, I would like you to talk to someone who is a victim of data mining. Please do at least 4 solid interviews.
At one point you list a bunch of companies and then a bunch of services provided. Some of this information could be interesting, but you need to walk the reader through why it is important.
Take a look at some of the stuff the Guardian and other papers have done with Wikileaks.
We are really excited about the investigation and look forward to running it. However, let's really make it punchy.
thanks
let me know when you can send a new version.
chris
Chris Arsenault Journalist | Web & New Media
Al Jazeera English Channel | PO Box 23127 | Doha | Qatar
http://english.aljazeera.net/<
https://mail.aljazeera.net/owa/UrlBlockedError.aspx>
________________________________
Notice: This email is intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may contain information that is confidential and privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is strictly prohibited. Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message that do not relate to the official business of our firm shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it.
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302<tel:512-560-2302>
Notice: This email is intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may contain information that is confidential and privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is strictly prohibited. Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message that do not relate to the official business of our firm shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it.
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302
Notice: This email is intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may contain information that is confidential and privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is strictly prohibited. Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message that do not relate to the official business of our firm shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it.