I
have no idea how to describe the pain in my head with the anemia
stuffs. When it's REALLY bad there isn't enough oxygen getting to my
brain. Sometimes it feels like it's "bleeding"...or like when you have a
high grade fever from the flu or
something, but there aren't any cold sweats or the congestion and
coughing. When you have a fever, the DNA in your brain denatures into
RNA, so you actually are a little bit more retarded when you have a
fever. You can't think. You can't process. You literally are a bit more
stupid. Well, that's just what I remember from that college Biology
class I took a decade ago.
In a way it sorta feels like when
you're having a nightmare where you're suffocating...but you're awake.
And it's not a nightmare, it's this odd tingling spongey fuzz of dead in
your head so it's like you're asleep but mostly just walking dead and
it's hard to breathe and the simplest chores wear down and you pass out.
And then you wake up in the middle of the night with your entire left
arm being numb because you were sleeping on your side, so you lie on
your back and hope it was a dream and you'll wake up alright. Maybe it
was a dream, but I think the recurrence and the weakness prove
otherwise.
It's like you're in a flu daze (or that dream-like
state), but there's no waking up. It hurts, but nothing is necessarily
hurting physically. But it's sort of like you're suffocating from the
inside. Maybe that's melodramatic. Maybe it's a fair description. I'm
not quite sure. I don't really know what's going on then, but apparently
they had to get me out of the hospital/dr's office in a wheelchair on
Thursday. I'm not particularly cognizant at that point.
When
it's really bad, walking across the house makes my blood pressure
increase ridiculously because my heart is jumping out of my chest cause
it's working really hard to pump the blood and I'm so out of breath and
it's like it's asthma but my lungs are working fine but it's sorta like
I'm drowning, but it's like the reversal of drowning.
So then I
lie there, in bed, eating iron pills. It's only really bad for one or
two days. I can't handle it anymore. I think it's getting worse. Or
maybe it's not. I'm not quite sure.
It's been a year. I just want them to fix it :(
I just know that I don't want to have a heart attack at 24. I don't want to have heart failure when I'm 30.
I don't want to die in the next decade.
In a way it sorta feels like when you're having a nightmare where you're suffocating...but you're awake. And it's not a nightmare, it's this odd tingling spongey fuzz of dead in your head so it's like you're asleep but mostly just walking dead and it's hard to breathe and the simplest chores wear down and you pass out. And then you wake up in the middle of the night with your entire left arm being numb because you were sleeping on your side, so you lie on your back and hope it was a dream and you'll wake up alright. Maybe it was a dream, but I think the recurrence and the weakness prove otherwise.
It's like you're in a flu daze (or that dream-like state), but there's no waking up. It hurts, but nothing is necessarily hurting physically. But it's sort of like you're suffocating from the inside. Maybe that's melodramatic. Maybe it's a fair description. I'm not quite sure. I don't really know what's going on then, but apparently they had to get me out of the hospital/dr's office in a wheelchair on Thursday. I'm not particularly cognizant at that point.
When it's really bad, walking across the house makes my blood pressure increase ridiculously because my heart is jumping out of my chest cause it's working really hard to pump the blood and I'm so out of breath and it's like it's asthma but my lungs are working fine but it's sorta like I'm drowning, but it's like the reversal of drowning.
So then I lie there, in bed, eating iron pills. It's only really bad for one or two days. I can't handle it anymore. I think it's getting worse. Or maybe it's not. I'm not quite sure.
It's been a year. I just want them to fix it :(
I just know that I don't want to have a heart attack at 24.
I don't want to have heart failure when I'm 30.
I don't want to die in the next decade.