---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:
Nikki Loehr <evilevilcouch@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Mar 19, 2011 at 8:10 PM
Subject: As a side note --
To:
lancaster.karen@gmail.comI think the main issue with Barrett's progress/development/psyche/everything he's doing with the "cyberwar" stuff is that, well, he has been divulged many, many times to people --
"The Feds destroyed my family when I was 7."
...
There is something wrong with that statement.
That succinct and utterly simple phrase is so poignant and revealing to his psyche and motivations in life.
He maintains, rather, attributes total blame on the government for that situation. I don't know exactly what went on afterward, rather, he didn't particularly elaborate on that era of his life and sequence of events afterward, but he noted that you and his father got divorced within the year or two or three afterward. I asked him why his parents got divorced, to which he curtly replied "because my father was manic." From what I can construe from the tiny bits he'd mentioned over the past few months, the divorce happened because his father was absent, mentally, emotionally, and physically, partook in extreme behavior (mania) and did not deal with the scenario afterward properly, therefore neglecting/abandoning you two. I am not sure if that is an accurate assessment, but that's all that I could gather from what he's told me. His bitterness and resentment for his father seethes and runs deep. "I'm going to do the exact opposite as my father. I'm going to be a good father. I'll be there for my kids."
"The Feds destroyed my family when I was 7."
The Feds did not destroy his family. The legal resolution came about to the liquidation of all financial assets, which is always difficult -- but money does not simply destroy a family. It fell apart because his father was unstable and could not come back to earth and deal with the aftermath of what had happened and rebuild what had been lost. Externally, superficially, materialistically, it could be said that the "Feds destroyed his family," but it could have been salvaged. It was not. The ways in which it affected his father, the ways in which his father was unable to cope and deal with it in a healthy manner is what "destroyed his family" and affected his childhood and development.
He is internally attributing total blame to external forces, whereas he does not recognize that it fell apart from the inside.
I apologize if this is an inaccurate assessment. It's all that I could construe from the facts Barrett had divulged.
I think the thing that will help him become whole again is to recognize that his father's escapism (e.g. through his obsession with safari hunting and whatever else he did) was what changed things.
I think he may feel or rationalize that if the government had not intervened, he would have had a happy childhood, mommy and daddy would have stayed together, and he'd have a happy family.
It is obviously much more complicated in that.
His father's genes run through his blood. If he doesn't want to make the same mistakes as his father, he will need to confront these issues. He praises you for being an amazing mother, the absolute best. He regards his father as a deadbeat. You instilled in him good values and gave him everything you could, and he absolutely admires your strength, grace, intelligence and resolve. He has an internal struggle, though. You raised him, and he identifies strongly as being your son, though he is also his father's son. This is the root cause of his self-loathing and self-destructive behaviors. He escapes into drugs or other obsessive behaviors (as is evidenced by the raping and pillaging that he does across the internet). But, again, he's motivated by love. He is fighting for his happy family, happy home. He is fighting to destroy that which wrought that 7 year old boy's heart. But, really, he is fighting with himself and a fantasized image of the past. A divorce may have happened regardless of government intervention.
The past has passed, and there's nothing to do to change that. The only thing for him to salvage is his own life. He needs to fully acknowledge that the government is not wholly to blame. His father is not wholly to blame. It was a very complicated situation. You did what you felt was best -- for you and your son -- due to the circumstances in your lives. No singular entity or person is wholly to blame. He needs to come to terms with that so that he can move on with his life and work on overcoming the obstacles in the here and now, as well as overcoming his tendency to escape into substances and attribute blame externally. He must be held accountable for the damage he's caused to himself and his present situation. (Those who self-medicate tend to be avoidant personality types.) Though, it is obvious to note, that he is accountable for the great strides and path to success that he is on.
Though, really, he is still on a slippery slope.
He needs to confront his past so that he can get on with his future.