Re: Yale Essay 1

Four and a half years ago I failed out of school. The professors of my chosen major told me I didn't have what it takes to become a graphic designer. They told me to reconsider my dreams, my goals, my aspirations. They told me it was not a question of my abilities so much that I lacked the necessary discipline to pass their classes, much less be successful in the profession. One suggested that I become a food stylist.

I would stay after class to talk to my professors. I would show up to the majority of their open office hours. By merit, I had all As in my classes. But I was consistently tardy, and this was considered to be a more reliable indicator of whatever it is that such institutions measure. Thus it was that I was suspended from the University of North Texas for one long term.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed at Ursuline -- the Catholic women's college preparatory I went to for the first couple years of high school. I was in the top three percent of my class at Ursuline. By all measures - even the stupid ones - I was a good student. I read voraciously and would stay after class to speak with my teachers. I loved learning. I wanted to make a difference in this world. I went to a public high school spring semester freshman year. Upon returning to Ursuline sophomore year, I realized I had grown tired of theology classes. I decided to go back to public school for my junior year.

Public school was the turning point for me. Albeit not scholastically challenging, public school changed my perspective and outlook on life. There, I met people for whom art, creation and expression were the totality of their beings. They led real lives, lives that were lived outside of the set-out-for-Ivy-League bubble. It sparked something inside of me. I was inspired. Or maybe I woke up. Either way, I needed to get out.

In retrospect, this was not the right decision. I was no longer in the top three percent of my class. In fact, I was barely passing. The atmosphere was different. Here, we were herded like cattle, our sole purpose being to train for the TAKS tests. Eventually I moved to a charter school in order to finish my required high school credits at my own pace and take art classes at community college for dual credit; afterwards I attended University of North Texas. I was confused by the emphases by which public and state learning institutions operated and the odd requirements to which we were subjected. Suddenly, there was nothing to inspire me.

* * *

I knew that a degree is not necessary in order to get a job as a graphic designer. So I put together a portfolio. I got a job within a month. Then another. Within eight months, I had three job offers. I became youngest layout editor that Dallas Observer had ever had.

In June of 2010 I had a nervous breakdown. My doctor at the hospital told me I was severely anemic and there wasn't enough oxygen getting to my brain. I was losing blood internally. The stress from working so much the past few years had brought up other ailments and illnesses, including severe ulcers. He said I would have heart failure by the time I'm 30 if I didn't get it fixed immediately.

I went to several specialists to figure out what was wrong. The overall consensus was that I had to make a major lifestyle change. "Stress." My life was work; my life was stress. All my energy was invested in furthering my career as quickly as possible. I've since had to take a step back and take a look at the path that Id been on and decide whether it was chosen to improve myself or merely to prove myself.

I believe that I am now ready for the rigorous academic environment that Yale has to offer. I want to be challenged. I want to feed my brain and my soul. I want to make art. I want to finish my bachelors.

My father's last words, to my mother, on his death bed were "Make sure the girls finish school." I'd like to make my father proud.