I loved her like my mother; Davidson is just a wonderful dream. What I took to be my brother, hanging in the cellar was just a lady dancing, and I was lost in her long black hair.
There was a wire whip and scars; I cry every time I see the sun; it hurts to laugh and smile sometimes. My heart split asunder leaving Texas, and a city of fantastic fakeness, that I cant leave all at once.
Dallas:
North Park, where everyone wears polo and khakis, Danny G and the Band light up the mall; trumpet and alto sax; Summertime Old standards that make the white heads swoon. Fill the glass
with greenbacks. I know everyone by name, invite them to the MAC near West Village where everyone has a story and money and are beautiful.
We be so beautiful and cool hip and romantic The Conduit, MAC
Angry Dog; Café Brazil until at least 3:00 A.M. Southside on Lamar Matts Studio on the roof, empty bottles and smoked filled rooms Sonic Youth and Audio Slave We are high minded and gracious Open to black whites Hispanics
and Asians. We only discriminate on people not as intriguing and talented as ourselves. Who cant laugh at nothing or strike a pose. Articulate something about the human soul. Nikkis pink and blond brown hair
Shaunas head wraps, Dannys Armani glasses Me, who at any moment may give them life, Make our nights immortal, put our stars into the sky to burn, hotter and brighter We make constellations. We are fun and eclectic we have grace,
sangfroid. We perfect the art of effortlessness. And, my God, we are so real. We have overcome problems danced with suicides and addictions. Fearless from kissing Death, 250 pills and a razor Our eyes flash dangerously with truth
and darkness. We wear our scars proudly. We chatter up and down both sides of great topics. Bands movies, and cookies. We dont offend easily. We arent offended. We flick each other off with a kiss Punch each other and massage the bruise
We can ride moonlight rays into the sky. We are friends to the night. Our cell phones never die. We drive fast testing the limits of shiny cars flashing lights and our own adrenaline. We are invisible whirlwinds. Touching everything,
leaving nothing the same. We so cool that we is we; we dont even need a name.
DeSoto:
I speak and I bless the air, with my rune covered speech. When I am happy, the sun shines, and trees threaten to burst
like green sunflowers. When I am sad, it rains; driving through Desoto going over Cockerel Hill windshield wipers clicking in time with eyelashes blinking tears away.
I had never imagined being sixteen
would leave me so jaded That when I sucked the rich crumbly earth I would taste the grubworms hidden underneath.
Stanford University with palm trees opening like the eyes of the Jewish girl, after our first kiss.
Memories of 5th Ward Houston, Texas: the dice falling on my Uncles crap tables, hitting the green felt like a babies rattle. How every lawn had a broken rusted car, and childrens feet were scarred from stepping on shattered beer glass.
At sixteen, I read Tolstoy, Il Prince, and I was The Courtier I had shaken hands with the President. I had written every poem that I ever wanted to write I had tasted every chitlin I had ever wanted to taste.
I had won contests; nabbed lights and applause; and GianCarlo, you wouldnt believe how I had sinned. At night I would feel the weight of every heart I had crushed, every promise I had broken every dream I had given up; spinning around
the blades of my ceiling fan, scattering like moonlight across my room. I would lay in bed and not want to get up. Wondering what more life could have to offer.
For I had stolen the wheel chair and I was an Eagle Scout.
For I had partied in a mansion, in the vanguard of a city of 1.2 million people, and I had milked the cow. For I had rocked out at The Door and could screw, chop, remix, and recite anything from deadprez to Jay-Z
For I had been recruited to sell weed and I was stand up and straight edged. For I had lived many guys fantasies and had tasted forbidden fruits. For I had prayed and been delivered and heard the voice of God. For I had been loved and respected, envied and hated.
And my Lord, my Lord, I was so real.
That night I almost killed myself the knife flashing like perch right underneath the lakes calm surface.
For I had wrestled with demons and climbed Jacobs ladder.
For I had fallen in love with a girl 2,000 miles away whose name was Mariana, which means The woman more beautiful than a sunset. For I had finally seen the green light, and started running towards it at a terrifying speed,
and I havent slowed down yet.