lol
Subject: lol
From: Nikki Loehr <evilevilcouch@gmail.com>
Date: 2/21/11, 19:07
To: barriticus <barriticus@gmail.com>

this is a convo/girl talk where i was telling ed about how i've been retarded in regards to you, and how i've been retarded about my expectations in dating/relationships in general. rather, this snippet of conversation is bscly after telling him how i tend to be ambivalent in relationships and why i've been a "runner" in the past and that i bscly just need to chill the fuck out.

we're on an adventure, love :-p

who knows what all is out there for us

(also, i fully acknowledge the fact that i am completely retarded)

lol we just need to communicate with each other better about our needs/wants. i know i have bitched about them, but i need to help you more. er, rather, you aren't as vocal about certain things, or maybe you're not in tune with it, or maybe you'd rather i just intuitively know certain things...or i dunno. i need to ask you stuff better. lol, i dunno. we both just need to talk with each other better i guess. this will happen with time. we're not robots. 

we're both retarded, and we're retarded for each other. :-p

ilu poopiebear <3 :D


Nikki Loehr

lol

apparently 

conflicting traits make me happy

i'm sort of a bag of contradictions

i think you can relate to the whole "conflicting satisfactions" thing

5:33

e.townes@gmail.com

yeah

Smile.png


Nikki Loehr

it sucks and is sorta stupid wanting the best of everything

like

i want stability, etc

but "stability" is inherently boring. i've dated "stable" dudes and i'd get pissed as fuck when they didn't "get it" or understand my oddness. 

or assumed the "greg" role and assumed i was "dharma" and simply saw me as the novelty "free spirit" thing, though never understood that there is a "method to my madness"

i like the dude to be as ingenious and innovative as me. i like a partner in crime.

that's sorta the mantra of my quarter life crisis

er, rather, the whole "wtf happened why'd by soul die" thing

i dunno

i can't be fully satisfied with the whole formula that society deems as  "stable" 

i don't want to be stuck in one simple role. i require the back and forth.

my whole "quarter life crisis" thing was essentially about my soul dying with the whole "becoming a mature, responsible, financially stable adult with zero toxic relationships" 

so, really, my wants/needs and things that bring me satisfaction/happiness are conflicting

but, still, i personally strive for "stability" and search for that in my partner in some regard

5:36

e.townes@gmail.com

yes

5:36

Nikki Loehr

i like personalities that are interesting

5:36

e.townes@gmail.com

this is a key difficulty for me too

5:36

Nikki Loehr

interesting is inherently wtfz

5:36

e.townes@gmail.com

I try my best, personally

5:36

Nikki Loehr

me too

lol

5:36

e.townes@gmail.com

to be both interesting/fun and stable

5:36

Nikki Loehr

yeah

5:36

e.townes@gmail.com

tough balance

5:36

Nikki Loehr

we're just weirdos

hahaha

we deviate from the norm!

5:37

e.townes@gmail.com

yeah

haha

5:37

Nikki Loehr

therefore!

there are no established, set standards

of how to go about things

if you deviate from the norm, then your life path, relationships, etc will deviate from the norm

and will go against established modes of lifestyle, career, relationships, etc

so there won't be any answers anywhere

and...man, i have tried my damndest to find those answers

but i don't think they exist

we haven't gone by the book cause we're writing our own

oh well