Re: Suffice to say..

Oh Barrett, what you do to me. I have not been able to settle since I got your message earlier. I've been walking since this morning, in the rain, which is more moody and romantic in my head than it actually was, being very cold and damp. If I was in a Bronte novel it would be much better and I'd have more opportunity to faint daintily at the feet of a gentleman out riding his horse.

You have winded me - I don't know what to think now. I'm very confused, one minute intensely excitable, the next in the depths remembering the devastation of what happened. I love you. I'm utterly exposed when talking to you, you know you have my heart. You do something to me, just by being you, which makes me very vulnerable. It's so intense I can hardly breathe. I mean, wtf.

I am so proud of you for coming off suboxone - I read loads about it and to be honest with you it sounded awful. But I knew you would do it because you are so strong. I can see what a terrific person you are, how intelligent and determined and fragile you are, how complex and wonderful and I fell in love totally with all of that. But you have the power to hurt me and it scares me. I had to make myself stop the intensity of my love for you just to be able to carry on with normal life. I had to try to forget what had been between us because the thought of you being with someone else was too much to bear. But like I said in a previous message, I still do love you and can't deny it. You're part of me, of my life and you are important and I absolutely adore you. But it killed me to go through that process of forgetting. And now I'm plunged right back into the maelstrom of remembering and the promise of more with just a few words from you.

I will be totally honest with you as I always have been - I have been conducting a fledgling relationship with Kenneth Lipp. He has been courting me and he stepped in when I was most in need of comfort and devastated by our break up - he is in love with me and I do not want to hurt him. I was ready to commit to him but your message makes things clouded for me and I am conflicted. Hence the walking and the thinking. I cannot go through another break up with you like the last one but I love you. I never stopped. I think you know that.

I need to ask you this: are you single now?