Re: We do not forget
Subject: Re: We do not forget
From: Emma Allan <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
Date: 2/1/11, 18:47
To: Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>

I still get Google Alerts for Barrett Brown. I follow your writing and your twitter feed and your facebook wall. Your Daily Kos postings and your Anonymous activity. I try to stay as aware as I can regarding you. I never stopped loving you, even when I was at my lowest and hated you, I perversely loved you despite myself and despite anything you did. I'm proud of you, I love what you do and your determination and your belief in yourself and your belief in the good of humanity despite evidence to the contrary. I see my own strength of will in you and my cynicism and my brilliance and in that way we mirror each other. 

If all I can have of you is intellectual stimulation then I'll take that. You know I love you. The love won't go away, even in the arms of another, its you I want. You have my address, all my contact details. I now have a home phone line - its +44 (0)191 2845608 (delete the zero when dialling international but include it when dialling from within the UK)  use it in case my mobile has no signal, if you're in trouble or you need me to help you. I will.


On Mon, Jan 31, 2011 at 11:57 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
I was planning to e-mail you as well but wasn't ready to do so yet. The reason I contacted her is that I got it in my head that she would be less angry at me or whatever it is if she realized that I wasn't just making excuses when I said I didn't want the two of you to be involved at this time and that this has figured into my thinking. My name's about to come up quite a bit in at least one grand jury hearing, in California, and I don't know whether or to what extent I am going to encounter the feds myself, and when this might happen, and if my computers will be seized in the process. I can't talk to the length I'd like right now but will write soon. But right now I want to thank you for the passion with which you've pursued the North African revolutions, for your offers of help, and for everything else. I love you.


On Mon, Jan 31, 2011 at 5:16 PM, Emma Allan <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
Barrett, 
How are you? Jessica told me you had messaged her. It upset me to be honest. I thought you might have contacted me but I can understand why you would want to try to set things straight with her. | think if you take anything from her replies you will take that she is protective of me, fiercely so, to the extent that she only told me you had been in touch with her when she was drunk. I was drunk too and I think I deserve a medal like a frying pan for not emailing you a very drunken message there and then. But I must be more in control than I thought.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I have resisted so many times. But one doesn't simply stop loving someone when they stop loving you. Thats not how it works, unfortunately. I am trying so hard to forget all about what happened between us because I am more than broken up about it. I just wish you well, I do. I hope you get what you want out of life. I hope you are happy and fulfilled. 

I'm loathe to send this because it simply opens up old wounds for me and I am trying to protect myself. I just want to say this: you know you have my help should you need it. I have your back. You know where I am. Just be careful, sweetheart.

Emma 

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Emma xx



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Regards,

Barrett Brown
512-560-2302



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Emma xx