Subject: Re: Re:
From: Nikki Loehr <evilevilcouch@gmail.com>
Date: 1/31/11, 16:55
To: Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>

The only way for us to live together is if there is a change in lifestyle.

I have been adopting yours, much to my chagrin, and it continuously makes me unhappy.

I don't want to have to battle your ego anymore. I don't want it to be a battle to get you to listen to me. I'm losing. I'm losing my sense of self and everything I've worked so hard for. 

Whatever more wisdom you may have garnered in the five more years that you have lived on this planet, you're still an addict and have lived an addict's lifestyle. Yes, you have made many, many improvements, and I am very proud of you for all of them. I am very proud of you in general in life and brag to all my friend's about how absolutely amazing and genius and innovative you are, but that does not change the fact that I cannot live with you unless you take more responsibility for certain things and have more foresight and realize that me adopting your modes of living are haphazard to my stability, and they have been destructive to yours as well. 


If you want to overcome this you will have to be less stubborn about everything and give me more respect. 

Because if you don't, I'm going to continue to fall. 

Why? 

Because I will never leave you.


Sent from my iPhone

On Jan 31, 2011, at 2:13 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

I know, sweetheart, and I love you too. I do try to listen as much as I can, and sometimes when I don't it's because I've just got so much on my mind, and when I interrupt you it's either because I am taking something personally and am hurt by something you've said or don't think you've thought it through, or because I think you are thinking about things in the wrong way and want you to think about it differently. I've learned how to deal with a lot of these things in part because I'm older than you and have had longer to screw up and learn from it, and I think I can save you a lot of grief if I can just get you to consider some of my points a bit more.

On Mon, Jan 31, 2011 at 2:05 PM, Nikki Loehr <evilevilcouch@gmail.com> wrote:
I would just like it if you would listen more. It makes me sad when you don't. :( 

I don't like telling people what to do. I don't want to *tell* you what to do. Last week when I was upset, er, afterward, I'd realized that a lot of why I was upset was bc I wished you would do certain things to help, but I never voiced it bc ppl usually just do whatever those things are of their own accord. I don't like telling people what to do, but I also don't really know how to ask for help. I didn't ask for anyone's help for four and a half years, and if no one did anything to help, I never expected them to ever help. I always did everything myself bc I gave up on trying to explain things to people who won't listen bc I dislike arguing bc theyd interpret it as a shot at their self-worth, and so the argument happens in defense of their ego.  

And, so, I still don't know how to do it. I dont know how to ask for help when the person isnt listening to the actual, objective point that is completely removed from any subjectivity. I don't know how to communicate any of these things without you taking it as an insult and then defending yourself. It isn't about that. It isn't about character judgements. It isn't ever a criticism of your integrity, abilities or character. I just need you to help with certain things, and the fact that you may have not done them or have done something else does not change the fact that I think you are beautiful and amazing and want to spend the rest of my life with you. It is not meant to be insulting. I love you. I just have certain needs that need attention from you, just as you have certain needs that need attention from me. We're in this together.

Sent from my iPhone



--
Regards,

Barrett Brown
512-560-2302