clownclown
Subject: clownclown
From: Nikki Loehr <evilevilcouch@gmail.com>
Date: 1/29/11, 18:52
To: barriticus <barriticus@gmail.com>

bonobo
okay so i read the sembler thing
4:18
clownclown
same thing here
so you know, I was in a WWASPS program, and I will never trust again
4:19
bonobo
WWASPS?
did you read the link i sent you
4:19
clownclown
I did
4:19
bonobo
k
k so what's your point with the sembler thing? i forgot if you've already stated it
4:20
clownclown
The world of the power elite is full of sociopathic fucks like Mel Sembler
and I wouldn't be surprised if many of their cheerleaders weren't the same
4:21
bonobo
also
i am sorry that you had to endure the WWASPS thing
i really am
4:21
clownclown
Not your fault
4:21
bonobo
heh
i know
4:22
clownclown
My program survived
4:22
bonobo
have you watched salo?
4:22
clownclown
yes
4:22
bonobo
hehe
4:22
clownclown
by paying the local sherrif's department
to hire a new deputy specifically for local schools
4:22
bonobo
for some reason i say salo is my favorite movie
4:22
clownclown
they "donated" that money
My favorite movie is C'est arriv? pr?s de chez vous
4:23
bonobo
i haven't seen it
but yeah salo is my fav movie even though i can't watch it all the way through
i understand your sentiments
4:23
clownclown
It doesn't just happen at the top
4:23
bonobo
i know
4:23
clownclown
corruption in our society is at every level
4:23
bonobo
i know
it's everywhere
4:23
clownclown
average people will sell out
4:23
bonobo
yep
4:23
clownclown
very easily
4:24
bonobo
and, to one of your earlier points, i would not say that all the dumbdumbs happen due to privilege
4:24
clownclown
no
4:24
bonobo
it's due to ignorance
4:24
clownclown
plenty of them just went to public school
4:24
bonobo
well
actually
you know
hm
okay i detract my last point
yes, it could be argued that it's due to privilege
4:25
clownclown
a certain level of privelege
it doesn't even mean you have a trust fund
4:25
bonobo
i was thinking of privilege as you noted it in reference to trust fund kids
4:25
clownclown
but when you're poor, you dont' believe the lie
you CAN'T believe it
as in any other situation when you come face to face with the reality that our society's myths seek to cover up
4:26
bonobo
but the more general term of privilege, as similarly used within theories of general "male privilege" or "white privilege" as used by feminist or equal rights studies
yeah, i would say that the dumbdumbness is due, in part, to privilege
a large part, yes
4:26
clownclown
america is a generally priveleged society
4:26
bonobo
i also wouldn't associate it specifically to socio-economic status
4:27
clownclown
not that you can't be a dumbdumb if you grow up in the ghetto
4:27
bonobo
i just don't think there is a catch-all term for why people are ignorant to the atrocities that humans are capable of
4:27
clownclown
you're just never going to become a tom friedman
4:27
bonobo
i wouldn't just attribute it to the american society, though
4:27
clownclown
because they haven't been exposed to them
because those things happen in faraway places
can't happen here
4:27
bonobo
i'm not trying to say you do not have valid points and am not trying to simply be devil's advocate
4:27
clownclown
we're too civilized for that
4:28
bonobo
i'm just saying that it's more universal
and calling out specific people or names or attributing blame to specific industries
i don't think it can be that simple
i guess over the past year or two or so i've been studying/focusing moreso on just general sociology/applied and cultural anthropology
4:28
clownclown
as far as "why are american's so misinformed?"
yes, I can blame the media, 100%
they are the problem
4:29
bonobo
well
the media is just so broad
4:29
clownclown
ok
4:29
bonobo
"the media" encompasses so much
4:29
clownclown
I blame the television networks, the wire services, and local newspapers
as well as radio
4:29
bonobo
i would probably specify the major, mainstream news outlets and such
rather that just television networks
4:29
clownclown
except none of the other outlets do anything to challenge them
4:30
bonobo
people try
4:30
clownclown
save, of course, the socialist or environmentally focused ones
4:30
bonobo
there are other outlets that DO try
but
also
4:30
clownclown
b ut who reads that shit?
4:30
bonobo
you can't expect everyone that DOES sincerely try to actually be able to get to what they're after
that may have to do with intelligence, work ethic, not having time cause of personal things like family, etc
or they may not have the time and have to just cover boring shit because that is what pays and they have to put food on the table
i mean, many really do want something genuine
4:31
clownclown
4:31
bonobo
there are many that want to do that which is *real*
4:31
clownclown
but that's not what pays
let's report on paris hilton
people eat that shit up
4:31
bonobo
well, yes
that too
but also
many people cannot handle the serious, dire topics
they're just incapable of handling it
some people are lazy about it, yes, and they should be ashamed of themselves
4:32
clownclown
my thesis
4:32
bonobo
but many are inable to handle these things
not everyone is a revolutionary
4:32
clownclown
is that americans are shielded by the media
from the reality of the human condition
4:32
bonobo
not everyone has the capabilities or qualities of being a leader
4:32
clownclown
in a way that allows them to remain mental children
4:32
bonobo
not everyone is good at risk-taking
4:33
clownclown
for their entire lives
4:33
bonobo
no no no
i would not blame the media for many being children
many just *are* children
and do not develop past that
4:33
clownclown
the media isn't going to do anythign to challenge it
4:33
bonobo
there are just too many variables/factors involved
4:33
clownclown
I really think
that people learn to be this way
from television
4:33
bonobo
eh, not really
it isn't really just that, though
4:34
clownclown
it's not JUSt that
4:34
bonobo
most people cannot handle it
4:34
clownclown
but that is an organizing factor in our society
4:34
bonobo
yes, that is true
4:34
clownclown
when people are 20, 30 years old
and they have an encounter with reality
let's say they get mugged
or something
4:34
bonobo
also, our stages of development are changing (as with the times)
4:34
clownclown
they don't know what to make of it!
4:34
bonobo
there was some feature somewhere on psychologists coining a new developmental stage
like, a century ago, "adolescence" was being proposed as a developmental stage
4:34
clownclown
I'm not talking about kidulthood
4:35
bonobo
before that it was childhood
etc etc
4:35
clownclown
I mean 50 year old men and women
who still haven't figured things out
4:35
bonobo
20-30 is considered a new developmental stage
well duh
some people are immature
and
some of that could be attribtued to intelligence
or environmental/situational factors
4:35
clownclown
environment
4:35
bonobo
their rearing and developmental influences
4:35
clownclown
what is the current american environment?
4:35
bonobo
etc
4:35
clownclown
I would say it's in the realm of information
this is where we are headed
4:36
bonobo
well, yeah
4:36
clownclown
and who controls that world?
4:36
bonobo
which what
4:36
clownclown
the people who produce media for it
the world of information
not the physical world
4:36
bonobo
well, yeah
4:36
clownclown
not the world that you live in to make toast
but the world that informs you of what the people inf rance are like
4:36
bonobo
i mean, the past 50 years have been the information revolution
we are in the information age
4:36
clownclown
if you hav enever been to france
4:36
bonobo
(the terms have already been coined and established by academics)
4:36
clownclown
where do your opinions on that country come from?
4:36
bonobo
i have
4:37
clownclown
from television programs you have seen, comments from people you know, stuff you have read in the newspaper, maybe some high school textbooks
4:37
bonobo
i don't usually formulate much solid opinions on things i am ignorant of or do not have a propensity for understanding
such as math things
i'm not good at math
i don't have opinions on varying theories in theoretical physics
i know what i do, i know what i'm good at, and i pretty much stick to that
but, also, i have a very academic background
and am very cultured
i am not the typical american
4:38
clownclown
that's good
no, you aren't
4:38
bonobo
you are not either
there are always exceptions to the rules
4:39
clownclown
the important thing
4:39
bonobo
you, sir, are an exception
4:39
clownclown
is to look within
recognize what culture is
and where your cultural beliefs come from
and who they serve
4:39
bonobo
the main bit of your argument that i've been criticizing is that you're applying the standards you have for yourself, as an exception, to those whom are much, much different
and i just don't think it's very fair to judge them so *harshly*, is all
yes, it is good to be critical of things and such
4:40
clownclown
so, the 90%ers
I can't blame them for destroying america
4:40
bonobo
but, also
it is to note
4:40
clownclown
even though they assisted it at every step
4:40
bonobo
that the 90%ers
those people make up the job force
4:40
clownclown
 and could have/should have known better
4:41
bonobo
yes, much of the 10%ers are amongst the top of their varying industries
because the top is the top
4:41
clownclown
you will find
that many among the upper class
are just as myopic
4:41
bonobo
but if you're attributing your criticisms for the top 10%'s foibles
to the 90%ers within an *entire* industry
well, that's just not a fair criticism
4:41
clownclown
yes
everyone who works for cnn
is responsible
4:41
bonobo
how many people work for cnn?
4:41
clownclown
thousands
4:42
bonobo
alright
so
4:42
clownclown
I'mt alking the camera man, the woman who sweeps the floors
they are all guilty
4:42
bonobo
what types of jobs are at cnn?
they're all guilty?
4:42
clownclown
yes
4:42
bonobo
why?
4:42
clownclown
Because they support evil
4:42
bonobo
i know you feel very strongly about these things
and i do not dismiss your sentiments
nor am i saying they are invalid concerns
4:43
clownclown
without them, it is not possible
4:43
bonobo
they are very applicable concerns for society
but some people just need to eat
4:43
clownclown
you can say they are only trying to support themselves
blah blah blah
4:43
bonobo
some people's concern is not for the world
4:43
clownclown
I agree, I understand
but that doesn't excuse what they do
4:43
bonobo
most people are just trying to live their life
most people just want a simple life
most people are simple
most people just want to have their family
4:43
clownclown
You are the sum of your actions on this planet
4:43
bonobo
they want to see their kids smile when they come home for dinner
4:43
clownclown
one day you will dissipate
and the only thing that will be left
are your actions here
4:44
bonobo
they want to have a family
they want to be able to feed their children
that is the extent of their concerns
a job is a job to most people
most people do not *care*
they do NOT care
4:44
clownclown
I understand, fully
but that doesn't mean they aren't responsible
4:45
bonobo
yes, most people that do not care are the cogs in the wheel
that bulldozes others less fortunate
and that is an unfortunate cycle
but i'm just saying that most people do not have the luxury to choose those things
when they need to provide the most basic things for themselves and their family to survive
most people lead simple lives and simply want to survive
all of their energy is put toward that
4:47
clownclown
yes]
4:47
bonobo
they are unable to achieve the upper bigs of maslow's hierarchy
4:47
clownclown
not true
4:47
bonobo
i am not saying that they are unable to for their entire lives
for periods of time, yes, it happens
i've done a lot of things that i didn't want to do because i needed to eat
despicable things? no
have i done work for very vapid shit? yes
i'd obviously rather be paid to do work for things that align with my personal philosophy
but i didn't have other options
many people do not have many options at times
though
again
throughout this conversation
we keep speaking in generalizations
so that convolutes the message a bit
4:49
clownclown
I understand, completely that sentiment
and I don't blame you, or anyone, for cooperating with evil
4:50
bonobo
i wouldn't say vapidity is neccessarily "evil"
4:50
clownclown
but that doesn't change that you are cosmically responsible for all of your actions during this lifetime
4:50
bonobo
i worked at an alt weekly
well duh
hm
i dunno why it popped in my head
but, wel
l
i dunno, it sorta reminds me of what i'd say to people sometimes
err
you know, like, those people that always have to "win"?
especially with arguing and arguments and such
i was talking to one of my clients the other day about it
he's one of those types of people
haha
(he's super narcissitic, btw)
its just so inherently retarded to have that "have to win" sentiment fueling your arguments with your personal and intimate relationships
and it's really ineffective
because, sure, you may have "won" the argument
but even though you've won the battle, you may have lost the war
(he has really wretched relationships and i'm bscly his therapist at times cause he tells me his girl problems, lol)
so, basically, he wins a billion of the battles
but he always loses the war
(i.e. his gfs get fed up and break up with him)
anyway
4:54
clownclown
So you're saying black and white thinking, even if technically correct, will only lead to unhappiness?
4:54
bonobo
i guess i just felt that aligned with your sentiment
oh, no no
"but that doesn't change that you are cosmically responsible for all of your actions during this lifetime"
i was agreeing with you
haha
i mean, like, no one is perfect
and no one can have a perfect record
but, as you said, it's the sum of one's actions throughout their lifetime
people can be forgiven
4:56
clownclown
Absolutely
Most of them
4:57
bonobo
and it isn't to say that the battles we fight in our lifetime have not had their consequences
actions have consequences
it's really silly when people don't realize that
and yeah, people may be hurt, you may have inflicted pain on this or that person, casualities will happen
but, again, the sum of one's actions over their lifetime
...yeah
anyway
i'm just saying that i don't think the entirety of all cnn employees should be so scrutinized
4:58
clownclown
they are not all equally responsible
but they are all responsible
4:58
bonobo
just not SOO incredibility scrutinized
well, with that argument
everyone is responsible
4:59
clownclown
yes
4:59
bonobo
which is a true statement
but if you're going to use that argument
and if everyone is responsible
then i'm not quite sure why you're highlighting specifically cnn
and yes, you did generalize the entire media industry
4:59
clownclown
because cnn misinforms the populace and makes atrocities possible
4:59
bonobo
but why not every other communication industry?
why not every business industry?
5:00
clownclown
yes
5:00
bonobo
the education system?
etc etc
and yes, you can attribute blame to them
5:00
clownclown
and I do
5:00
bonobo
and then you can go further and attribute blame to every english speaking country
5:00
clownclown
thank you
for permisison
5:00
bonobo
and then every other single person on this planet
but
if you're going to do that
5:00
clownclown
There are people doing bad, people helping them, and people looking the other way
5:00
bonobo
doesn't that just put everyone on the same level again
5:00
clownclown
and they are all responsible
5:01
bonobo
yeah
people are responsible
5:01
clownclown
some more than others
5:01
bonobo
yeah
i'm just saying that this is all understood
5:01
clownclown
Is Mubarak a bad guy or just really misunderstood?
How about his cabinet?
5:01
bonobo
no
5:01
clownclown
How about his secretary?
5:01
bonobo
i'm not saying that
5:02
clownclown
How about the guy who sweeps his floor and overhears his conversations?
but doesn't tell anyone?
5:02
bonobo
i'm just saying that blame cannot be blanketed over an entire entity
because there are individuals involved
5:02
clownclown
when an entire entity has failed it's job
blame can be distributed widely
5:02
bonobo
i'm just saying that, yes, you can pin point a general cause for certain things
and then you continue further and look at more of the details
and then figure out things on an individual basis
etc etc
overall
i'm just basically saying
you don't need to be so angry
lol
5:03
clownclown
I'm not
5:03
bonobo
because if blame is universal
and responsibility is universal
and if everyone is to blame and everyone is responsible
well, alright, we solved that problem
so how are we going to fix it?
5:04
clownclown
stop working for assholes
5:04
bonobo
well, assholes will not disappear
5:04
clownclown
yeah
so stop doing what they tell you
5:04
bonobo
assholes will always exist
there is no way to escape
5:04
clownclown
stop listening to them
yeah
so tell them
you're an asshole
5:04
bonobo
okay, well, what if you have no other job options?
5:04
clownclown
fuck off asshole
5:04
bonobo
and you need to put food on the table?
what if you have a family?
what if you have people that depended on you?
5:05
clownclown
I would steal
before I would work for an asshole
5:05
bonobo
well, if you have people that depend on you, and you disagree with working with assholes, yet you have no other job options, you will probably endure the asshole boss/company because you will put your own wants/needs/desires behind your love for the people under your care
and this happens sometimes
some people may quit their job
they may steal
to support their family
well, maybe they stole something from another person that put them out quite a bit
5:06
clownclown
I would beg, I would move my whole family into a shelter, before I would cooperate with evil
5:06
bonobo
and then a vindictive cycle may continue
what if that shelter did not make your wife feel safe?
what if your children did not feel safe?
what if your four year old daughter, whom is readily complacent with the scenario, is unable to sleep and wets her bed every night due to the move to the shelter
she doesn't know why she wets her bed
she tries to not wet her bed
5:07
clownclown
5:08
bonobo
but she's only four years old and doesn't understand and doesn't know how to process these things
5:08
clownclown
the real answer
5:08
bonobo
and she can pick up on the stress you and mommy have
5:08
clownclown
is I would never put myself in such an impossible situation
5:08
bonobo
you hide it though, through smiles
you bought her a new teddy bear
because you lost the old one throughout the move
but it isn't the same
well
i told myself i'd never put myself in an impossible situation
yet i ended up in one
5:09
clownclown
condoms break, I know
and yet
abortions are affordable
5:09
bonobo
oh, i don't have kids
but other people do
5:09
clownclown
and that's their problem
5:09
bonobo
um
that's just silly and hypocritical
lol
5:09
clownclown
no it isn't
having children is a selfish act
5:10
bonobo
no it's not
5:10
clownclown
yes it is
you have space in your home, you can raise a child
5:10
bonobo
there are too many motivators and variables for having children
sometimes people get knocked up
5:10
clownclown
and so you choose to create one of your own, rather than adopt one without a home
and you call that not selfish?
5:10
bonobo
hey, you know, i had a similar thought at times
but, again
you are not in the 90%
you are amongst the 10%
or whatever
and
some people's only motivation in life is to have a happy family
5:11
clownclown
what's so great about you that a child should have to live with yoru genes
and that's a ridiculous motivation unless you are already saddled with one
5:11
bonobo
why are you so bitter about your childhood?
why are you so bitter about your parents?
5:11
clownclown
Because they locked me in a prison and brainwashed me and failed to apologize?
5:12
bonobo
i'm sorry you did not get the love you deserved as a child
5:12
clownclown
Because they were incapable of managing their own lives yet decided bringing a new one into the world would solve their problems?
5:12
bonobo
i'm sorry you were emotionally abandoned
5:13
clownclown
they don't see it that way
That was an act of love to them
5:13
bonobo
i know
i know
some people just do not know
and they will never know
5:13
clownclown
enlightenment is within reach of all humans
5:13
bonobo
you have overcome
so much
5:14
clownclown
tards included
5:14
bonobo
you are a strong person
5:14
clownclown
not even!
Compared to what most children go through on this planet, we are very fortunate!
5:14
bonobo
and your past has only strengthened the natural strength of your convictions thaty ou have now
i know
i understand
but it doesn't change the fact that you were wronged
you were mistreated
you were abused
5:14
clownclown
We all are
5:15
bonobo
and that is not right
you deserved love
5:15
clownclown
But that's life
5:15
bonobo
you deserve it now
5:15
clownclown
I'm not looking for it
5:15
bonobo
you deserve to be loved
5:15
clownclown
You realize I may not be autistic
But I have an autistic worldview
5:16
bonobo
you're bitter
you've become hardened
5:16
clownclown
No
I see things for what they are
And that's ugly, but it cannot be avoided
5:16
bonobo
if anything, you're dysthymic as hell
5:17
clownclown
that's what alcohol is for
5:17
bonobo
i know you are fully aware that self-medication stunts emotional development
5:17
clownclown
emotions are chemical
5:17
bonobo
yep
unless you've undergone brain damage
your memories and thoughts will be there
and will and have affected your behaviors and motivations subconsciously
you've overcome a lot
you've gone through a lot
you don't want to have to fight that anymore
you used all your energy and strength to simply survive it
5:18
clownclown
I don't, I accept it
5:19
bonobo
and, hey, here you are
you are alive
but you don't feel completely alive because something inside you died long ago
with those people
with that...with
with *that*
it's a lot
no one deserves that
you didn't ask for it
you didn't want it
yet you had no choice
5:20
clownclown
no
right
5:20
bonobo
you were just a kid
5:20
clownclown
and
that's what traumatic stress does
5:20
bonobo
yep
5:20
clownclown
look up the definition
alteration in system of meanings
mr. sociologist
5:20
bonobo
yes, i have had post-traumatic stress
i am not saying these things in which to label you
how old were you when you first attempted suicide?
i was 16
5:21
clownclown
uhhhhhhhhh
5:21
bonobo
i swallowed 300 pills of aspirin in three gulps
also, i'm not a mr.
5:22
clownclown
I never seriously attempted suicide
5:22
bonobo
ah
i've almost died a few times, apparently
hahaha
5:22
clownclown
but I tested the strength of a towel to hang myself from my closet
5:22
bonobo
i was in the ICU for a week back then
how old were you?
5:23
clownclown
and ended up seizing and collapsing into the beanbag chair which was in my closet for some reason
and forgetting what I was doing
5:23
bonobo
lol
beanbag chair in a closet?
5:23
clownclown
16
5:23
bonobo
lol
sorry i just think that's funny
er, quirky
hehe
5:23
clownclown
it took me a couple hours to figure out
how that happened
5:23
bonobo
"fate" could be argued
5:23
clownclown
why am I here
5:23
bonobo
who knows
either way, you're here
5:24
clownclown
no, I just didn't bother dying it correctly
5:24
bonobo
and you know you have a purpose
5:24
clownclown
tying
5:24
bonobo
well
you know you have a purpose
regardless
5:24
clownclown
I can have suicidal ideation
5:24
bonobo
you're here for a reason
5:24
clownclown
for a few weeks straight
and I don't sweat it
because I can correctly identify it
5:24
bonobo
whether it's some celestial force
your own self-determination
it doesn't matter
you
are here!
:)
for a reason!!
hehe :D
5:25
clownclown
I am here because of a chemical accident
5:25
bonobo
well
5:25
clownclown
if youw ant to takek the long view
5:25
bonobo
sure
5:25
clownclown
the short one
5:25
bonobo
we can go the celestial/fate route
spiritual or whatever
5:26
clownclown
my father is really good at seducing women
5:26
bonobo
"magic"
do you believe in magic?
5:26
clownclown
but cannot get past that point
so he gets laid a lot
and has had 6 or 7 marriages
5:26
bonobo
sometimes people call things miracles
5:26
clownclown
but they all fall apart within a couple months
no absolutely not
5:26
bonobo
people call childbirth miracles
5:26
clownclown
bullshit
the miracle of childbirth
5:26
bonobo
my dad was married 6 times
5:26
clownclown
like when a mother in africa dies giving birth
to a son she passes HIV to
5:26
bonobo
it's all perspective
oh, the miracle bit
not the medical fact you just stated
also, though, i have to go work with my main client (the narcissistic dude) in 30 min
5:28
clownclown
You are actually a social worker or somethin
5:28
bonobo
he's this private art dealer that sells to like the ceo of chanel and bergdoff goodman and whatever
5:28
clownclown
ego much
5:28
bonobo
he sells peter saul's work
and is buddies with gary panter
oh, no no
it's actually really funny
if
you look up
peter saul's work
it's really transgressive
and a bit "degenerate" as some may perceive
5:29
clownclown
acid
5:29
bonobo
google peter saul
yeah
bscly
look up gary panter
oh man
hilarious factoid about clientdude
so his ex-gf of 2.5 years was laura ingraham
5:30
clownclown
nos hit
5:30
bonobo
yeah
his favorite band is danzig
hahahahahahaha
5:30
clownclown
well
5:30
bonobo
he convinced laura ingraham to like the sex pistols
5:30
clownclown
narcissist
she's one too
5:30
bonobo
YES
dear fucking god
ugh
my sister has NPD
5:30
clownclown
I thought NPD people just preyed on eachother
not
fucked eachother
that only happens in ayn rand novels
5:31
bonobo
i know, right?
lololol