Re: Bricks

Jessica told me this morning that she had written to you last night and I asked to see it. I know she is upset over all of it and is looking out for me so I think a lot of things were said in anger and in the heat of the moment. What you can take as real is her feeling for you. She genuinely did love you and thought a very great deal of you. I could tell when I talked about you, how enthusiastic she was to have you in our lives, problems be damned. We both just wanted you around.

You wrote that at some point you realised you didn't love me as much as you thought, and although that hurts me a great deal I wonder why you wrote a few days ago, after we had decided to get together in secret that you *love me more than ever* Are the mood swings to do with the drugs or do you genuinely feel something for me or is it in the moment or is it about sex? I am honestly confused.

When I got your message last night I wrote that I wanted you to leave me alone because I am lashing out and can't take much more. That is all about confusion. The way we left it last week was that you would get a secret email address and continue emailing me and I asked for videos. And your intention was to find the funds to meet with me but that ther girl must not know. I agreed. The next message I got a few days later, after no communication regarding what we had discussed about our secret liaison, and no new email address, was about the seriousness of the new relationship. So where does that leave our plan?

I can't tell Jessica anything about it because I do not want to get her involved in something again which will potentially hurt her. I feel she has already been hurt enough, unnecessarily. She really had grown attached to you. I wish you would just spell it out for me. You tell me you love me more than ever and that we will meet in secret, then you tell me you are serious and that you never loved me as much as you thought. But that you may take me up on my offer to come and stay *someday*.

As I said below, I am now financially independent and if we had met now instead of a few months back, I would be in a position to have you stay with me or to come over to Dallas straight away. As it was, we met some months back when I was not in a position to do anything but did not want to lose you. So I made plans. And I thought you loved me enough that there would be time for me to sort everything out. Which I have done. But too late? Is it too late? You know I still want you. My head tells me no don't do this but I can't deny my heart. And I love you. Things didn't happen the way I wanted a few months back but they can happen now. And that is your decision. I have cleared the way for you. That was my plan all along.

On Mon, Jan 10, 2011 at 5:49 AM, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:

And I would have helped with all of that if you had told me the
reality of your situation. But I did not know the dangerous things you
were doing until a few days ago. I could not even open this email or
look to see if you'd replied because it would hurt me if you hadn't
replied and hurt me if you'd said something else horrible to me. But I
need to tell you the following. I was in a desperately unhappy
situation with Jess's father. I had no job and very little of my own
money after the court case about my law job at my friends firm and I
was reliant on him for money. I was trapped. I did not tell you
because I thought you would not want to continue with me. Ironically
if I had then you would have understood the delay. Then I got a well
paid job out of the blue and i'm now able to free myself totally from
his bullying. And ironically again that this comes about when you no
longer want me. I have been planning my life around you since we met.
I am moving out of the house and taking a much smaller place because I
want to have my own space where you can come. I'm changing my life
because my love for you has given me strength and I want freedom to be
with you. I have been planning with Jess, my only real ally, about
where to go and what to do for months. I needed to ensure her
schooling would not be affected by his jealousy or manipulation
because he would use the threat of taking her out of private education
and putting her in a state school to bully me. I asked his father to
intervene and he will still pay her school fees but has no say in my
life because i'm financially independent again. I was in a precarious
state for a while after I had all the trouble with the law firm and
court case and I was vulnerable and easily manipulated by someone who
would not let me go and who was obsessed with me in an unhealthy way.
I had to tread carefuly because he used jessica as leverage to make me
do what he wanted. He is ruthless, rich and manipulative and his
obsession with me was total and was destroying me. I had to tread
carefuly. There was no love between us but that he imagined it. He
told me he would take jessica. Jess and I researched child custody law
and realised that once she's 16 she can choose who to live with. She
will be 16 on February 17th. I have had a nightmare of juggling my
life so that she would not be adversely affected and with keeping him
unaware of my plans to get away from his obsessional behaviour. Now I
can do that and my plans are at fruition. Today I will take the flat
and jess and I will start our new life. I only long for you to be part
of it because I love you still and this is for you. And you do not
want me. I love you Barrett. I wanted all of this to work out so we
could be together.

On 1/9/11, barri2009 <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
> I didn't plan on any of this, but at any rate, I needed someone who was here
> and now or I would have continued engaging in the same self-destructive
> behavior until dead or back in jail. I've already reduced my suboxone and
> stopped smoking crack and selling weed. I need to protect my own life.
> Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
>

> -----Original Message-----
> From: "emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com" <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
> Date: Sun, 9 Jan 2011 22:31:43

> To: Barrett Brown<barriticus@gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: Bricks
>
> How can you say I claimed it? This is awful, its an awful thing to say. I
> never fabricated my love for you and you know that.
>
> I am in love with you. It hurts more that you would say that I *claimed* to
> be in love with you. Like I imagined it or lied to you. I was not making up
> my feelings, Barrett. I was, I am in love with you and it is horrible. This
> is all horrible. I would have done anything for you and I am only sorry I
> did not come sooner. I'll always regret that. You have no idea how much.
> But
> the fact remains that we were fine and then suddenly it was all over. Just
> like that. You make it sound like I rejected you and thats why you had to
> go
> out and find someone else. (?) I didn't reject you. I was oblivious to the
> reality of the situation until I saw those videos. On the contrary I was
> rejected totally by you, overnight.
>
> The difference is that you had my heart and I could not have thought about
> going out to meet anyone else because I loved you. I still do thats why
> this
> hurts so much and why I can't bear to think that you have done this to me
> in
> the way you did.
>
> On Sun, Jan 9, 2011 at 10:20 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
>> I did care about you and would have pursued this if you had come to me
>> like
>> you repeatedly said you would. You didn't. I even offered to help pay for
>> you to come and you didn't. At some point I had to make a decision
>> between
>> someone who claimed to be in love with me but was already breaking her
>> promises and having an actual relationship with someone who was willing
>> to
>> commit.
>>
>>
>> On Sun, Jan 9, 2011 at 4:15 PM, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <
>> emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> You know, you hurt me so much. I never thought you'd do that. Ever. I
>>> totally thought this was it, my big love. I'd found him. All this time I
>>> thought it would be okay. I was talking to Jessica today about you after
>>> I
>>> had finally read the message you sent her, where you sign off with * I
>>> love
>>> you both* and I said he wouldn't say that, you know, if he didn't mean
>>> it.
>>> And I still had hope. I still thought you'd come through. But it seems
>>> words
>>> are cheap.
>>> How stupid I am. I could not be more trusting and naive. I suppose none
>>> of
>>> this touches you. You stopped caring about me, if you ever actually did
>>> care
>>> anything about me, a long time ago.
>>>
>>>
>>> On Sun, Jan 9, 2011 at 9:54 PM, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <
>>> emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> I don't want to know that. Just leave me alone. I don't want to know
>>>> anything about whats going on with her.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Sun, Jan 9, 2011 at 9:50 PM, Barrett Brown
>>>> <barriticus@gmail.com>wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I may take you up some day. I should tell you that things have gotten
>>>>> very serious very quickly with this girl.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 5:27 PM, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <
>>>>> emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> Going to view this flat on Monday with Jessica.
>>>>>> http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-28716292.html
>>>>>> Then
>>>>>> Jessica goes back to school on Tuesday. I start my research post on
>>>>>> Monday.
>>>>>> Hours are flexible which means I can work through the night, weekends
>>>>>> or
>>>>>> whenever I like.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I hope you'll consider coming to stay with us.
>>>>>>

>>>>>> <http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-28716292.html>We

>>>>>> should hopefully move in on the 15th.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> --
>>>>>> Emma xx
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Regards,
>>>>>
>>>>> Barrett Brown
>>>>> 512-560-2302
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Emma xx
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Emma xx
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Regards,
>>
>> Barrett Brown
>> 512-560-2302
>>
>
>
>
> --
> Emma xx
>
>

--
Emma xx

--
Emma xx