| Subject: Re: Sorry about the Linus onslaught. |
| From: "emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com" <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> |
| Date: 1/4/11, 16:09 |
| To: Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> |
Is it the trouble with your dad that makes you go off and seek other drugs? If you need to talk about it then I'm right here - anytime, day or night - just call or text me - mobile 011 44 7749 754489. (thats my mobile number plus country calling codes etc) Please use it if you need me. You know I will help all I can. I love you, Emma x
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 6:36 PM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
I know you are upset, so am I and I apologise for becoming overwrought. I had to say those things because otherwise they would have festered and got worse and built into resentment. I am worried about you and have been for a while - since before the Whipits video. I do not understand the addiction lifestyle but I think it must be very frightening at times and I am so sorry if I failed to see that and give you the right support. I am desperate to help you, to support you and be with you every step, but I realise you must do what is best for you and if you think this girl can support you then go for it. I will simply go away. I wont bother you again. I will leave you to start your new relationship. I have told you in no uncertain terms that I want you, I want all of this, all of you with all that you are and ever have been and I will cope with all of that. I am here and you know how to get in touch with me if you want that too. I love you Barrett. I love all of you. Not just the parts left over from when you're not with her. I deserve all of you. I'm an adult woman with all that means and I have years of experience, I have brought up a daughter, very successfully and she is brilliant. She loves you too. I would not have told her about you if I wasn't serious about you. Because I would not want her to get attached to just anybody. But I knew from the start you were for me. I love you, Barrett. If you need me, please please let me know. I will come to Dallas, you know I will. Just let me know you want me.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 6:17 PM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
Barrett, please talk to me, I'm totally on your side. I told you that at the start of this. I am all for you. I'm sorry for shouting but the hurt had to come out.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:56 PM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
why didn't you tell me this? Why are you doing such dangerous things? Stop doing them.
I am sorry I didnt come in December. This will happen if you want it too, I will come to you. You just met this girl. She's NOT your girlfriend. She's a girl. But you're telling me no, you are with her now and you don't want me to come. I thought we had something. I thought we had something between us you know, a bond, something we could build on. I'm so fucking sorry this has happened but please you surely see you could have told me. You could have made me know the reality. You told me you were thinking of coming off suboxone so you could masturbate. Thats the last I heard. I didnt want to pry - I thought you would tell me. I have read extensively on suboxone, I know that drinking whilst taking it is dangerous. I worried when you kept telling me you were getting drunk. But what can I do? I can say no, don't do that but you are not under any duress to take any notice. I want to help you - I will help you. What can I do? I'm not afraid. I have already been hurt, I want this hurt to end, I'm, sorry for shouting at you but I am so upset. I can't reconcile it in my head. Is it because Im too old for you or you dont fancy me? Is it because you just went off me? Did I not love you enough? I thought I did- I tried - I love you so much. How can I help you? I don't want you to get worse or inject. Stop fucking injecting. Do you have the sublingual things? Can't you take them?
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:46 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Emma, I canceled a vacation in December because you said you were coming. You couldn't come. At some point I realized that this might not happen, and at any rate that we had already fought several times before evening meeting, much less living together. I have to protect myself. I've been running off to go smoke crack in south Dallas under dangerous circumstances because I'm alone and would have potentially still been alone months from now without any guarantees that we would actually meet. I've been shooting up my Suboxone despite the fact that a miss on a vein can cause me to lose my arm. I need someone with me right now so that I don't die or totally relapse or end up in prison.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 11:40 AM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
Then what do we do now? Tell me because I am all out of ideas. Every time I message you I have a mental image of you fucking her. It drives me fucking nuts. Do you even know how much I want to kill her and its not even her fault. I had a dream that I assaulted her in your apartment. I ;physically beat her up in front of you. And I didn't hold back. It felt so good. Fucking blood everywhere and I am not a violent person.
Do you know how much I think about that stupid fucking bear skin rug in your dads office and how you told me you wanted to cover me in furs and fuck me. All the ways we planned it - all the scenarios, god it was going to be so fucking hot. I know, I was there with you so many times in my head. I'm good I don't hold back and I would have done anything with you. Any fucking thing. And you fucked her with all that in your mind. I fucking primed you and she fucking got you. I am so angry and hurt and fucking out of my mind because that fuck was MY fuck. It was MINE. It was fucking my fuck.
I still want it. I will never stop wanting it but it is ruined now. That impetus, that momentum is broken. I was ready to come to Dallas, but you go and fuck another girl. Oh god if only you knew what it would have been like for us. Darling, my sweetheart, my love, I would have made it my mission to blow you mind.
I still want you. But its ruined. You'd rather have some simpering bint than me.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:27 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
I didn't lie to you. You are special. I wouldn't have spent this much time talking to you if you weren't. I didn't mean for you to see the YouTube video; I put it up to blackmail her fucking roommate into moving out and leaving her alone and took them down as soon as he moved out and was going to talk to you about this as soon as all of this other stuff was over. I'm so sorry you saw them, sweetheart. I never "dropped" you. If I had "dropped" you, I'd be ignoring you to stop the pain I feel about this.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 11:24 AM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
It is not a question of morals or what is done, I would have children with you, you fucking KNOW that. I wanted you to live with me.
It is about my heart which is breaking and about this love which I can't control. I wish you had told me this at the beginning, that I was not special, that we would not have something that *few people would ever get to experience*, that I was not *your reward for trying to be a good person* that you did not love me. I wish you had told me that you did not feel anything for me. I wish you had not made me video after video telling me about your life and how you now go for walks because I am having an effect on you. I wish we had met months ago. I wish I had been able to come out months ago. I wish you had told me everything. I wish you had not gone out with another girl and ruined this because the sex we would have had - the way we built it up - would have been fucking phenomenal. You fucking know that you fucking cunt bastard. I fucking love you and you dropped me without even a word. On fucking Youtube. I love you Barret, I
FUCKING LOVE YOU
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:16 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
I didn't say none of them you. If you're saying that, I obviously understand, as such things are no longer "done." But that is my intent.On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 11:14 AM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
and none of them me so thats why I said what I saidOn Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:14 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
I'm saying that I am with this girl right now, physically, but that I am going to be with a lot of women, and that I am going to have children by several of them.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 11:12 AM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
I think you are saying you're with the girl and you don't want to see me
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:11 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
I think you misunderstood the message.On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 11:11 AM,
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:
oh, okay. well I just sent you a mesage so please idsregard it. I will not contact you again. I hope it all works out for you.
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:07 PM, Barrett Brown
<barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
Not right now, I don't. I'm with this girl now, and she's serious about me, and she's here. You deserve a blunt and honest assessment so I'll give it to you - I have to make this decision based on what's going to be best for me in terms of my career and what I want for my life, in addition to other factors. We've known each other for a few months, and I hoped to be able to come out to visit and you hoped to be able to come here to visit. It hasn't worked out. But even if it had, that doesn't change the fact that I am not only a man, but a man with a lot of opportunities and temptations in front of me. I have never not cheated on a female. Ever. Most likely, my eventual romantic setup is going to be just as unconventional as everything else I do and will also be tied to my intent for the rest of the world. Bluntly, again, I am going to have a number of children with different women and pay for their upbringing while also ensuring they are raised and trained in such a way as to ensure that they will be able to carry on my work and ensure that it is carried on forever. Obviously I never quite found the right time to tell you this, but it's been my plan for over a decade and will not change. So, that's something you need to think about, I'd imagine.
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302