Oh god what to do.
I'm in turmoil. My stomach hurts. I wish for comfort. I'm alone. I
love you. When I say that and send it to you I feel better for a time.
I love you darling boy.

On 1/2/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:

Sweetheart please message me when you wake. I can't do anything until
you do. I can't go through a whole other day of this. I'm distraught.
I need to know if I meant anything to you. I just can't reconcile the
you I've come to know with your actions re the videos. I never ever
thought you'd hurt me. You told me to trust you and I made resolve to
do just that. And I do trust you. I do not think you meant to hurt me.
I just can't bear this pain. Anything would be better than this today.
I'm so depressed sweetheart. Help me to feel better. If you can, if
you still love me and want me please let us be close again. Let us
plan and work toward our future together. I have so much love for you.
I have to feel better. I can't bear this hurt. I love you. Love.

On 1/2/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:

please come back to me. My heart is breaking. I can't bear this pain.
I am reminded constantly of things you said to me. You told me you
loved me on gmail video chat when I was going to Jessica's school
thing. You had just woken up and were in your bed. I remember putting
my head in my hands such was the overwhelming effect your words had on
me and the candour with which you said them. I believe you do love me.
I don't think you can just stop. I don't think you can abandon me like
this as if I was nothing. Please Barrett come back to me. I can't bear
this silence. I want you back. I want you. I'll come there. As soon as
I possibly can. Please give me a chance. We were supposed to have sex.
We were supposed to have all the love in the world. Please don't do
this to me. I can't bear it. I am in love with you. I can't help it. I
can't stop being in love with you. I'll be your girlfriend. I love you
Barrett.

On 1/2/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
wrote:

I can't think of anything but you. I am quite stunned by how
distraught I am. I don't know how to relieve the pain except that each
time I send you something telling you of my love for you it seems to
give temporary respite. I am compelled to love you and to tell you
that I do. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss your beautiful
mouth. Oh darling I am so unhappy

On 1/2/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
wrote:

I honestly do not know what to do with myself tonight except to keep
saying I love you. I am sorry, it is not something I say to initiate a
response. I do not want to be a pest. I feel your love has gone from
me. I just need to love you, to tell you. I don't know what else to
do. My heart still beats for you. My soul, the part of me you took
with such ecstasy of will, with your thought and mind and your life
force- that part of me is connected to you. I'm bound to you. Through
our communication, through our honesty and our love I became formed,
molded, to please you. My whole self became joined to yours as
certainly as if we had been formed together. My self is tuned to your
frequency. I am forever seeking you. I can't seem to say what exactly
this feeling is. Except that you are part of me. Except it is in me to
want to give you my love. It is in me to love you come what may. I
want all of you. The whole man. I need to be immersed in you. To make
you my centre. That is how I am. I am deeply in love and I want that
love to be freely received, without hindrance. The passion I have for
you is total. Complete. I want to give you this love, Barrett. I want
to heal the hurt little boy inside you. I want to show you infinite
love and acceptance and envelop you in peacefulness and joy. I have so
much love for you my darling. I feel I have neglected my duty of care
toward you. I am sorry, I can only say with truth and honesty that I
loved you throughout all this time and I am so sorry if there was ever
any time that you did not feel loved. Forgive me sweetheart.


On 1/1/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
wrote:

I love you, Barrett. Its impossible for me to stop.

On 1/1/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
wrote:

I am trying to be brave and i'm trying to make sense of this. I'm not
feeling very brave at all. I'm intensely vulnerable and my heart is
fragile. I know that your mind is so quick you would have replied by
now if you wanted to reconcile and plan our future. I know that I
must
accept that I have lost you. I felt it a few days ago. Probably
longer. But I did not want to acknowledge it. I love you so much I
can
only want your happiness. If that is to be without me then I must
accept that fact. I know that you loved me once. And I will treasure
that time until forever. I knew real love with you. Real adult sexual
wonderful deep amazing love. And I have it here in my heart. I love
you  sweetheart. Never doubt  that. I love You.

On 1/1/11, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com>
wrote:

I cannot think of anyone but you. Come back to me. Be mine. Just
mine.
All mine. I want you. What is that they say - the heart wants what
the
heart wants. Don't leave me. Come back to me. I absolutely love you

On 1/1/11, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Of course it touches me, Emma. Everything I've told you is true and
still
applies. It's just complicated, obviously, since we live in
different
countries and we don't have the means to be together right now.

On Sat, Jan 1, 2011 at 2:48 PM, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:

Darling, my dearest love I am in agony. Devastated. I have thought
of
so many ways to reply to this but they are only words. My darling
the
simple fact is I love you. Whatever that word encompasses I feel
it
all for you from the depths of my being. I did not think to feel
such
a transformative love as this ever again. I can hardly form my
thoughts in any coherent manner. Except to say to the world and
the
darkness of Space and infinity that I love this man with all my
heart
and everything I am. I connot bear the thought of your intimacy
with
someone else. My heart is breaking. I wanted the magical wondrous
life
with you that I could feel was possible. My darling I don't know
if
any of this will touch you because you have met someone else but I
had
to write it because its true. I love you Barrett. I want you to be
happy. I adore you. I don't know what to do with this love now. It
has
filled my soul for these past months. I can't bear the pain. I
just
want you to know I love you. I love you. I love you.

On 1/1/11, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Sweetheart. This just happened. I met this girl a few nights ago
and
we
immediately hit it off. I didn't know what to do regarding you
because
I

do

love you, but I did indeed not have any ties here, and yet I'm
stuck
here
for a while, and I need someone I can actually be with right
now,
because
I've almost never had that. You were married and have a daughter
you

love;

I've never had anything like that. My family life has been
abusive
in

some

fashion or another forever, and I have trouble relating to other
people.

I

can't not feel attracted to other girls, and I can't have you
right
now

in

anything more than a conceptual way that is more pleasing to a
female

than

it is to a male, and which leaves me just as alone in the human,
flesh

sense

as I was previously. This doesn't mean that we can't be together
at
some
point when finances and all that allow us to be; it means that,
for
now,
I've met a girl who I want to spend time with. I didn't know how
to
tell

you

but I had to put up that video as a bargaining chip with this
guy
who's

been

acting in an abusive manner towards her; I should have told you

immediately,

but I didn't want to go through with it. I still want whatever

relationship

with you that you will accept knowing that as long as we are
apart
I
have

to

have something for myself.

On Sat, Jan 1, 2011 at 1:04 PM, emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com <
emilieduchatelet8@gmail.com> wrote:

Sweetheart, I can't just switch off the love. But i'm
devastated.
I
had no idea you had a girlfriend. I thought you wanted to leave
dallas
because you had no ties there and come here. I'm hurting so
much.
Please tell me if you loved me. Or tell me to go and I will
although
it absolutely breaks my heart to even contemplate that. I love
you
Barrett. I am deeply in love with you and I can't keep from
saying
it
to you because it is part of me. You are part of me.

--
Regards,

Barrett Brown
512-560-2302

--
Regards,

Barrett Brown
512-560-2302