me: what's the haps, yo Mirna: what are you waiting for Mirna: for who to do what? me: oh, it's sort of a joke Mirna: take your opiate meds me: I've got this English chick flying down Mirna: jesus Mirna: from where? me: London Mirna: you are quite the romeo Mirna: oooooh Mirna: from the interwebs? me: sort of, Facebook, she's a fan Mirna: hahaha Mirna: violate her for me ;) \ me: I'll forward you some stuff Mirna: i am a fan of a lot of people Mirna: i dont buy 1000 plane tickets me: Oh, they won't let her back into fucking Europe when I'm done with her me: your fucking mind would be blown at the shit that comes out of her mouth Mirna: hahahaha Mirna: like sexy shit? Mirna: or crazy shit me: let's see here me: there's on half-joking crazy thing me: Having studied it at length I would like to commend you on your seated position in the first shot which pans toward you. There is a very nice bulge in your pants. I know, I am completely perverted and make no apology. You are lounging in such a relaxed manner that I want to consume you piece by piece, give birth to your perfect manly form and then have you fuck me. I am sure the Greeks wrote a seriously fucked up play about that. Mirna: wear a condom Mirna: that one gets pregnant Mirna: she stays pregnant Mirna: also she may murder you Mirna: so be careful Mirna: and hide all weapons me: dad's got the shotgun anyway me: no, though me: that's sort of a joking one me: actually tamer than shit Liz Dryden would say to me Mirna: got that girl was a ho in high school Mirna: i miss her. me: which tended to involve us killing some third party me: yeah, I don't know why the fuck she wouldn't just say hi when i sent her a little facebook message me: I mean, like, hey, remember me? Mirna: she prolly didnt get it me: that five year fucking epic teen paranormal romance me: actually Mirna: from john searcy's account when she lived in ny she was on heroin with evan novie the whole time me: that's a book section now me: teen paranormal romance Mirna: twilight? me: all the other books me: in the vein Mirna: gross Mirna: i want nothing to do with those me: it's just kind of funny and also terible me: also Mirna: i dont think i was ever young or dumb enough for books like that me: I'm withdrawing the book from my fucking douche publisher Mirna: even when i was reading rl stine in the 3rd grade Mirna: y? me: I've already got one of the biggest agents interested me: read the first chapter, he wants a two-page rundown with a marketing section me: and frankly, I'm going to be able to write literally one of the most absurdly amazing marketing sections that a book proposal has ever had me: also I'm doing a film treatment me: for the producer with Ferrell and McKay me: oh and check it me: this came out yesterday me: http://www.dmagazine.com/Home/D_Magazine/2010/November/A_Sneaky_Takedown_of_Mark_Davis.aspx Mirna: wow Mirna: put me in the movie Mirna: or i will never speak to you again Mirna: <3 Mirna: i want a speaking rold Mirna: role me: I'd actually win out putting you in a movie Mirna: <3 Mirna: i want to be the only girl friend of yours you put in the movie me: it's a damned good idea, too me: check it Mirna: if you are a banging a girl you can put her in me: the idea is this Mirna: but my part MUST be bigger than hers me: shut up and listen you filthy sex goddess me: the movie's about a freelance speechwriter who ends up secretly writing speeches for both candidates in the same campaign Mirna: omg i LOVE that me: now, right there, that's got both all kinds of great comedic potential coupled with actual "meaning" potentiial me: and the producers love it me: it's like the best elevator pitch in the world Mirna: omg make me one of their wives Mirna: i am a pretty good actress me: did I tell you I'm an advisor to that campaign Mirna: i'll read for you :) me: ? Mirna: ya i think i saw a chat about it from you one night when i came home drunk me: basically I got my shit together all at once me: except that I'm still a degenerate me: and will probably end up on your couch at least once in the next five years me: or maybe I'll be rich Mirna: you should make the main character kind of a rascal me: in which case I'll still do that Mirna: and then he could get redeemed at some point me: a rascal?!!??! oh no! Mirna: not completely, but enough that the audience would marry him to their daughters me: that sounds like it could lead to some wacky plot twists! me: " feel honoured. You are one in a million. Your heart is true, your mind like a scythe, cutting through the dross and making everything clean and perfect. Also I want to feel you inside me. Like nothing else Ive ever wanted in my life." Mirna: hmmm what about the politicians? Mirna: omg me: fucking hot blonde english girl Mirna: she is crazy Mirna: you need to save all these emails me: no, she's not Mirna: from all these girls me: these aren't typical samples Mirna: like the one wanting to marry you etx Mirna: c Mirna: make a book me: who? Mirna: called girls i didn't marry Mirna: remember Mirna: marry me barrett i want greencard here's my picture Mirna: seriously compile them all Mirna: it is hilarious Mirna: i'll put the nightrider letters in there too me: I DON'T UNDERSTAND! Mirna: remember that girl Mirna: black girl Mirna: who emailed you Mirna: and she wanted to marry you Mirna: from another country me: who? Mirna: and you wrote her those hilarious emails Mirna: cause it was a scam Mirna: you were on heroin me: huh me: don't remember Mirna: omg i'll try to find them me: but that does sound like something that would happen Mirna: start archiving all letters from women Mirna: seriously Mirna: we should make a book me: I am me: then I'll probably have a clause Mirna: girls i didnt marry: a collection of letters from the fairer sex me: right of first refusal me: this fucking book of mine is going to go off like a fucking atom bomb filled with black cats and, like, knives Mirna: omg and that crazy almost preggo's girls letters Mirna: oh please Mirna: we have to make it! me: make it for what, compile into book? me: but what about her top notch lawyer?!?!?!?1 Mirna: i can't wait to be in the movie Mirna: maybe i'll buy some boobs for it Mirna: i want to be one of their wives me: WHO EXISTS Mirna: hahahha me: jesus christ Mirna: saul freidmanberg? Mirna: i can take him me: something like that me: my favorite part Mirna: hymen steiningberg? me: was black jew girl reaching out to lebanese princess from dallas with brown girl solidarity Mirna: hahaha me: like, yeah, Jew, my fucking druse militia lawyer will totally join your fake baby cause me: FAKE BABIES FOR ALL! me: I can give all women my fake babies me: I do not care Mirna: they all deserve them me: fucking dumb bitch Mirna: make them troubled sociopathic fake babies me: let me show you my various awesome sexual innenduo and outright terrible sexist things Mirna: hahaha Mirna: im so excited about this movie Mirna: it sounds great Mirna: there's been no movie like it Mirna: sell it!!!!!!!!!! Mirna: and i would be believable as a candidate's wife Mirna: post obama Mirna: thank you bama me: yeah, I've gotta do like 3-page treatment me: will do it this weekend Mirna: do it do it Mirna: do it yay! me: and I'm pulling out all the stops me: going to steal all the good real life incidents Mirna: yes! me: gonna have a John Ruiz character me: with maybe a little... longshot romance? me: will he get the bartender chic? me: does anyone give a shit? me: nevermind! Mirna: hahahaha me: seriously, though, you're all going in Mirna: yay Mirna: ! me: especially you Mirna: yay! me: I'll probably just have him on your couch Mirna: you could have the candidates daughter think she's preggo Mirna: and call the guy me: cause I think that's a pretty funny setup Mirna: while making gagging motions me: probably just cast you as you Mirna: yay! Mirna: ooh then i could smoke pot in the movie Mirna: pothead lawyer me: we're not going to be able to fit in all of your abortions by white trash pizza guys Mirna: hahahhahah Mirna: ok Mirna: the other movie i was in i played myself too me: we could make a documentary called "Look what the fuck mirna and liz were doing back in the day, Dr. Hariz!" Mirna: hahaha Mirna: i would tell my dad you were LYING me: we couldn't address it to Liz's dad Mirna: WHITE MAN LIES me: because he knows part already me: WHITE MEN ABUSE BROWN WOMEN me: that hasn't been true for years and years me: except for that time I fucked a half-jew on your bed and shot up all that heroin Mirna: hahaha me: plus all the violent threats! Mirna: that whore. me: lololololol me: yeah, she was a nut Mirna: cucumber fucking whore me: how now? me: "You (Barrett) are quite simply mesmerising, and I bet you are a fucking great fuck. In fact I nearly had a fantasy about you but I fell asleep before it could kick in. I'm expecting to be visited by it tonight. Your accent, which is the sexiest thing I have ever heard (how are you not being rogered repeatedly every time you open your mouth to speak?) makes my nipples ache. (that is a sexual thing btw, but otherwise I'm not into any hurting) Oh GOD I am alluding to sex again. And I think about your cock a lot. Fuck. Why am I talking about this stuff. What the hell is wrong with me? My next blog post is going to be about your cock. I am expecting a LOT of hits. (see what I did there)" me: this girl will basically be my white slave Mirna: hahahha me: also, we actually have like honest feelings for each other me: which is weird Mirna: awww Mirna: well fuck her and try not to get attached Mirna: in case she is the type to give a lot and then get bored Mirna: just roger her noggin out me: oh, here's how I splashed those panties like a Pakistani flood me: this was from early in the courtship when I was planning on seeing her when I go to London anyway for this other deal me: "I'm having trouble honestly expressing myself. What I want to tell you is that I'll have you face down on your bed in whatever rustic flat you live in with my tongue in your ear no more than two months from now." Mirna: omg if you keep writing movies i could be the uma to your tarantino me: yeah, except tarantino's a giant fag and he sucks dick Mirna: well of course Mirna: and i'm more attractive than uma Mirna: she has no waist me: by which I mean he roams around looking for cock to put in his mouth Mirna: no booty me: yeah, I know Mirna: we will take over the world Mirna: i can be your 'muse' that has a part in all your films me: I wouldn't even bother dry humping her if she was fast asleep Mirna: hahaha me: here's her response to that other line me: "okay, I can hardly fucking breath. " Mirna: nice Mirna: when does she arrive? me: "See, that's the exact sort of thing I want to see pop up in my little inbox every day right around jack-off-to Emma time. I'll probably go off the suboxone and just deal with the withdrawls so I can pop off four or five times a day until such time as I can arrange to get out of fucking Jesusland. I'll keep plenty for later so I can fuck you for six hours straight. You probably think I'm kidding but that's because you've never dated a degenerate before. I've had a lot of girls put up with a lot of emotional distance just for that right there, but I actually like you, like in a cute way that kind of makes me think that maybe i need to get my ass kicked by a cop just for balance. We'll talk soon, I have to go meet with some Chinese capitalists-in-training because my dad is incompetent." Mirna: hahahaha Mirna: i love your writing me: "I think my heart is going to explode out of my chest. I actually felt a blush rise from my chest to my cheeks. You are unbelievably arousing. How the hell are you not married to like 16 different women already? " Mirna: everything that comes out of those hands is gold me: I really did outdo myself me: probably needs to go in movie Mirna: that's another movie me: anyway, I can answer that last question! Mirna: freelance writer romancing and fucking girls from around the glove Mirna: be Mirna: till he falls for one Mirna: like up in the air but not horrible Mirna: that can be your romantical movie Mirna: but we'll throw in heroin so its not homo Mirna: and a preggo crazy black girl Mirna: ok that's the next movie!! we can put all the letters in there Mirna: instead of a book Mirna: but write this movie asap Mirna: its so good Mirna: speechwriter Mirna: if you finish it now and get someone hooked on it it could be released around the next presidential election Mirna: you would get SO RICH me: the movie thing is definitely going to work Mirna: i am really excited me: and I'll definitely make lots of money me: the only thing that could go wrong in this case would be one of those endless optioning deals Mirna: name my character mirna if you can :) Mirna: well you have alawyer for a reason Mirna: just dont sign anything till i read it me: but I've got my guy optioning it and I can now get money raised for any project that crosses my degenerate little mind me: what with this Barry Eisler guy me: plus I'm working with the Shah of Iran's architect's son me: who aside from money me: has serious anti-clerical connections me: Next year we start some serious shit Mirna: who is the architect? Mirna: i bet he's a friend of bernard khoury me: I don't know, probably dead, this is his 40-something son Mirna: oh i see me: who lives near Austin, oddly me: hill counry Mirna: i am moving to austin nov 1 me: so how's NYC? Mirna: i will be seeing you for thanksgiving me: ah, nevermind then Mirna: nyc is good me: ah-so Mirna: getting fucking cold Mirna: fuck this cold Mirna: it makes you not wanna leave the house me: you gonna stay in Austin or not? Mirna: for at least a year or two Mirna: then who knows me: ah-so me: I'll be around Dallas for at least couple more months Mirna: maybe my film career will take off after being in your movie and you and i will be living in ny again cause it will be closer to all my maxim shoots me: so I'll be hoppin' and boppin' over there Mirna: where are you going after a few months? me: actually the Iran guy will take me periodically me: not sure yet, that's going to depend on couple facots me: factors Mirna: ? me: mostly film treatment Mirna: options are . . . Mirna: iran? Mirna: lol Mirna: la or ny right? Mirna: they might wanna make it in austin Mirna: that new abatement tax makes it cheap as all hell Mirna: all these movies have started filming down there the last couple months because of it Mirna: i will fly wherever you want to be in the movie Mirna: even if its iran me: sorry, was exchanging sweet nothings Mirna: <3 Mirna: i am going to take a shower Mirna: brb Mirna: lol zomg