| Subject: Re: Michael lewis |
| From: Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> |
| Date: 9/18/10, 14:45 |
| To: Robert Green <robertogreen@gmail.com> |
Sure, go for it, let me know what they say.On Thu, Sep 16, 2010 at 5:01 PM, Robert Green <robertogreen@gmail.com> wrote:
This is great.
Now you could do one where the guy meets them again fuck, you guys again? and they do a whole tea party riff.
So do you mind if I show this to funnyordie?Here's a slightly different version of the alien script with republican/tea party taken out and altered ending; there are other ways I could change it up, so wanted to see if you had any other ideas.
(man wakes up on table)
Man: What... where am I?
(camera pulls back, reveals two aliens standing nearby)
Man: Oh my god.
Alien: Why do you make war in the way that you do?
Man: I...
Alien: Why do men kill other men?
Man: Were... we are a young race. We make mistakes. We are imperfect.
Alien: This is true. But we do not demand perfection. We are here to teach you.
Alien: We have wisdom to share.
Man: Yes! Please, give us your wisdom!
Alien: You must teach this wisdom to others.
Man: I will!
Alien: First, you must instruct them that it is wrong to kill other men.
Man: Of course!
Alien: Males of your species are capable of great physical labor relative to your women and children. They must be captured and enslaved, then put to work building infrastructure and later eliminated altogether once they have become physically decrepit.
Man: What?
Alien: It is the women and children who must be disposed of immediately. They are good for nothing but carrying on the genes of your enemies. They constitute a danger to your progeny.
Man: Thats - thats monstrous!
Alien: Be assured that we understand your viewpoint. You believe their women should be impregnated in order to carry on the genes of your ethnic group, to produce a hybrid race which in turn could be restricted to a lower caste.
Alien: The problem is that their loyalties will be uncertain. They could rebel, and quelling these insurrections will be a drain on your resources.
Man: No, I mean... I just assumed that you would be opposed to war, and that, you know, youd be telling us that nations are, like, a primitive concept...
Alien: Certainly not!
Man: You... do you still have nations?
Alien: [flailing arms] WE HAVE MILLIONS OF THEM AND THEY ARE ALL AT WAR!
Alien: [flailing arms] WITH EACH OTHER!
Alien: WAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
Alien: WAR BETWEEN NATIONS!
Alien: LET US SING THE ANTHEM OF OUR PARTICULAR NATION!
Both Aliens, (singing along with bizarre and haunting alien background music):
WE TOOK THE MAYANS TO THE MOON
WE HAVE ARMED THEM.
THEY WILL RETURN SOON TO RULE THE EARTH IN OUR STEAD
THEY WILL USE TECHNOLOGY TO DO THIS.
LA-DI-DA
LAD-DI-DA-DI-DA
FINALLY
THERE ARE ENOUGH HUMANS
TO CONSTRUCT AND MAINTAIN A THELAMIC ALUMINATRIX
FOR USE IN OUR FURTHER MILITARY CONQUESTS
Alien: Did you know that the Mayans invented the zero?
Alien: That's where we got it from.
Alien: We had to do all of this, going through space and whatnot, without a zero.
Alien: Our ship is made of wood, you'll notice. (Knocks on hull)
[Alien with blonde female wig comes out of door]
Alien Woman: I request more food.
Alien: You will only receive food after sex and later I will beat you.
[Alien Woman bows, goes back through door]
Alien: That woman is our president.
Alien: We forced her to be our president.
Alien: Then we made her queen because monarchy is the only godly form of government.
Alien: Hopefully she will bear a suitable male child.
Alien: So that we may eat it.
Man: Can you just take me home?
Alien: Why, do you miss your gay boyfriend or something?
[Both aliens laugh]
(Another alien leans head out of door)
Another Alien: Faggot!
(Alien leans head back in door)
Man: Look, you guys are making me kind of uncomfortable.
Alien: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Alien: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Alien: Wasn't it funny how we're aliens but we're saying stuff that you wouldn't expect an alien to say?
Man: I guess.
Alien: We were just fucking with you. Seriously, though, BLEEP BLORP UNITY BLEEP BLEEP TESLA COILS BLORP BLOP BLEEP.
Man: So, that was all an act, all that stuff you were saying?
Alien: Yeah, no shit, how would we build a spaceship out of wood?
Alien: Do you even know how space works?
(Other alien leans head out of door)
Other alien: Faggot!
Alien: Were not doing it anymore, Ted.
Other Alien: Okay. BLEEP BLORP WORLD PEACE.
Alien: Here, take these plans for a fission reactor.
Alien: Try to get them to someone who knows how space works, dipshit.
Man: Can I go now?
Alien: Yeah, get the fuck out.
Alien: Lol.
On Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 10:53 AM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:
It's really hard to narrow it all down, is the problem.
On Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 10:52 AM, Robert Green <robertogreen@gmail.com> wrote:
Thats very funny. Personally Id go with the Lot story--lets see, bible, you know how theres this guy named Lot and God asks him to help out his angel with a place to stay for the night (that angel, it turns out, is named Hitler, and he proceeds to kill about 6 million people but whatareyagonnado), and Lot does, but God also points out that looking back and noticing that the Angel is the worst murderer in history...well, dont do that, but Lots wife does because watching the Holocaust is fun, I mean look at the number for Schindlers List box office...anyway, she gets turned into a pillar of salt so BURN MOTHERFUCKER BURN but your shit was really good.
On Thu, Sep 9, 2010 at 3:13 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com <http://barriticus@gmail.com> > wrote:
Okay. I think I'm just going to work in more general "OMG THE GREYS ARE NATIONALIST AND SUPERSTITIOUS" stuff, as I've got plenty of ideas on that front and you're right about keeping the theme concise.
On Thu, Sep 9, 2010 at 2:36 PM, Robert Green <robertogreen@gmail.com <http://robertogreen@gmail.com> > wrote:
Ok, sure. If you go the violent nationalist route you need to avoid the problem colbert had his first year on the show, which was that his target wasnt clear. Once he settled on oreilly his show clicked into great. If the target of the comedy is douchy US exceptionalism, for instance, then make sure you nail that target. If it is nationalism in general, make sure that is clear as well.
This is sort of a note I hear from studios all the time, and at its worst its your audience is stupid so talk down to them. at its best its you are telling a joke that only you and your friends find funny, so broaden.
Does that make sense?
Oh, and the comedy of greys qua greys is earned when you get that right as well. Its like this, rhythmically: specific political joke, specific political joke, wacky grey joke. Repeat.
On 9/9/10 11:32 AM, "Barrett Brown" <barriticus@gmail.com <http://barriticus@gmail.com> <http://barriticus@gmail.com> > wrote:
Hey, any thoughts on this?
On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 5:54 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com <http://barriticus@gmail.com> <http://barriticus@gmail.com> > wrote:
I hadn't read the article yet but plan to, have seen links to it around.
Wanted to ask you about the script first before I touch it up - should we just take out the tea party/republican allusions altogether? I've got plenty of other stuff that can be inserted along the main theme of the greys being wacky violent nationalists.
On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 5:00 PM, Robert Green <robertgreen@robertgreen.serverdata.net <http://robertgreen@robertgreen.serverdata.net> <http://robertgreen@robertgreen.serverdata.net> > wrote:
That greece article in VF is insane.
So, you doing a touch up?
--
Regards,
Barrett Brown
512-560-2302