Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña
From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com>
To: barriticus@gmail.com

Catalina: i love all the leather bound books in the background
Catalina: makes you look so smart
me: and rich
Catalina: yes
Catalina: you look like you smell life
Catalina: nice
Catalina: that woman said life
Catalina: so i typed life
me: HA PWNED
me: we're now engaging in various black ops
me: got me some hackers
me: also got invited to D.C.
me: how's your face?
Catalina: my lip is better, no longer looks like i was sucking on a pen and got ink on my mouth
Catalina: my eye is still bruised but better
Catalina: i took pictures of my fac yesterday
Catalina: face
Catalina: just in case
Catalina: anyway i cant get them on my computer because my phones broken and i cant use internet or bluetooth
me: I bet you look adorable all beat up!
Catalina: its evidence, in case things get worse
Catalina: but i doubt it because im done with him
me: evidence of your adorability!
Catalina: evidence of his adorability
Catalina: thats the wrong word
Catalina: anyway im trying to send you one of the pics so you can email it to me if you can
Catalina: you look 16 on tv
Catalina: where were you?
me: mom's husband's house
Catalina: your mom must be so proud!
me: she always is
me: the part at the end
me: is where I troll the Kremlin
me: by bringing up the Ryazan incident
Catalina: yes?
me: which they kill journalists for bringing up in Russia
me: but which they can't do anything about in this case
me: Kremlin partially owns this station
Catalina: is that why they cut you off?
me: yes
me: but I'd already said enough so that the Muscovites watching can find more info
me: like my article on the subject
me: which the producer didn't know about
me: also
me: my book
me: which they promoted at the beginning
me: contains 3,000 words on the subject
me: but they don't know that, either
me: thus it is that I have played a prank on the Kremlin
me: BUT TWAS ALL IN GOOD FUN
Catalina: dont get killed please
Catalina: everything is all in good fun
Catalina: until somebody gets hurt
Catalina: or killed!
Catalina: did you get my picture?
me: they've never killed an American journalist
me: nope
Catalina: well i texted it to you
me: oh, my phone is off
me: one sec
Catalina: ok email it if you can
Catalina: i wish i had taken a pic right after it happened
me: I don't see it
Catalina: my mouth looked disfigured, it was ugly!!!
Catalina: i dont want to be ugly!!@!!!
Catalina: there is nothing worse than being ugly
Catalina: or fat
me: wait, got it
me: poor thing
me: poor little ghost girl
Catalina: dont pity me
Catalina: i can defend myself
Catalina: kind of
me: oh, right, we wrestled
me: I don't remember any of it though
Catalina: yeah, i took advantage of you
Catalina: so are you having a baby or not?
me: nope
me: she says she took the morning pill
me: more than two weeks after the morning after
me: I think she was lying
me: she''s clearly nuts
Catalina: well then i hope you learned your lesson
Catalina: mr!
me: and sent me a message through fucking Christopher Koularis
Catalina: haha!
me: asking me when I'd pay for this alleged pill and doctor's visit
me: which I'd be happy to do weeks ago if she had actually kept me in the loop
Catalina: does she have receipts?
me: and not called me a white devil
me: etc.
me: I doubt it
Catalina: the morning after pill is NOT expensive
Catalina: so do not pay anything!!
me: I told her I would pay but she'd have to go through my lawyer
me: Mirna
Catalina: haha
Catalina: good
me: then Chris sent a message, "Funny, she said she wanted you to pay through her lawyer So-and-so jewstein"
Catalina: hey maybe i can sue carl
me: who probably doesn't exist
Catalina: haha
me: so I sent back, "Have him contact my lawyer then"
me: no word since then
me: anyway, she also deleted her facebook account
me: which she created apparently for the purpose of contacting me
me: months back
me: God knows what the fuck was going through her head
Catalina: i got kicked offline for a sec
me: it's a nice butt cheek and it goes like this
me: mwa