Catalina: hey me: OH HAI CATALINA me: IM SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU FOR MY BEST FRIEND AND NOT FUCKING MY FIANCE! me: HELLO DOGGY! Catalina: OH HAI me: YUR TEARIN ME APART Catalina: YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL IN RED DRESS me: IT MAKES HER LOOK LESS FAT me: so what's happening? Catalina: MY BANKING JOB Catalina: I DIN GET PROMOTION Catalina: oh me: WHO IS YOUR NEW CLIENT? me: IT'S A SECRET Catalina: were not doing that anymore me: very well Catalina: i thought you stopped Catalina: and i kept going me: it's all a rich tapestry me: anywho me: this wealthy Hollywood producer wants to raise millions of dollars and put me in charge of some news outlet me: I just spoke to him last night Catalina: oooohhh Catalina: a midnight phonecall? Catalina: did you ask him what he was wearing? Catalina: you know youre gonna have to sleep with him? me: no, I assumed he was wearing a red dress me: GET to sleep with him Catalina: oh nice me: also I don't think that girl is actually pregant Catalina: well im glad youre into it me: pregnant, either Catalina: really?! Catalina: great me: got this text from her last night Catalina: then after you get the millions I can marry you for your money Catalina: and we dont have to worry bout no stinkin baby me: "JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT I NEVER CALLED YOU BECAUSE REALLY THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT AT THIS POINT. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS" me: I dodged a crazy bullet on that one me: you don't have to marry me for the money Catalina: wait... youre getting shes not pregnant from that? me: that, and some other stuff Catalina: but i WANT to marry you for the money me: fine, whatever Catalina: you can sleep around Catalina: you have a disease Catalina: called sex addiction me: I was going to anyway Catalina: and i am sure you will acquire others Catalina: including a baby' me: I believe the technical term is "testosterone" me: not that I have any Catalina: anyway, that text does not mean shes not pregnant Catalina: it means youre not giving her any attention me: I fucking called her five times Catalina: and you dont need to be involved in the babys life me: what it tells me is me: exactly Catalina: well she sounds crazy, so there might be no baby me: she can take care of the baby with her mom's jew gold, I'm busy with media conspiracies me: yeah, that too Catalina: anyway she probably wants you to call her five times a day me: she never picked up me: I literally have not spoken to her since NYC Catalina: well you gotta keep trying me: she's clearly a nut Catalina: yes Catalina: maybe she doesnt exist me: fuck the crazy bitch Catalina: did you make her up? Catalina: for attention? me: I hope so Catalina: Barrett, sweetie, you could just tell me you need more attention Catalina: you dont have to go around making up girls and complex situations me: I already get plenty of attention from my enemies me: well, everyone needs a hobby Catalina: but you got your little people me: you should quit your job and move to Dallas Catalina: or elves? me: I have a pool Catalina: or midgets? me: and wealth me: potential wealth Catalina: only if we pretend were in that soap Dallas Catalina: ill have to watch it so I know what its about me: we don't have to pretend, sweetheart me: it's really like that me: my dad just bought a fucking me: Blackwater-issued .45 me: he's constantly involved in criminal business deals Catalina: i assume that is some sort of weapon? me: it's a pistol, yes Catalina: oooohhh me: I got to play with it the other night me: plus I've got a .243 and a shotgun Catalina: i would LOVE to pistol whip someone me: it's pretty heavy, would work well for that Catalina: so you are not moving back? me: I just signed a six-month lease me: my dad's trying to get rich again me: they've raised like 20 million to drill wells Catalina: and is dallas really about two people who share an interest in heroin and disliking others Catalina: ? me: and trying to raise more me: I don't think they ran those particular episodes me: you're thinking of Sid and Nancy me: I gotta go smoke Catalina: ok dear Catalina: but once were married im gonna make you quit smoking