BushwickBK.com: your idiot friend sent me this BushwickBK.com: http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2010/06/the-arrival-of-the-bushwick-hipster/ BushwickBK.com: trrible in every way me: that fag can't write shit me: one sec me: yeah, the guy is the worst writer and editor ever BushwickBK.com: he should nt be edting anyone BushwickBK.com: he can't even write BushwickBK.com: this was painful to skim BushwickBK.com: and also, I'm tired of people who know jack shit about Bushwick analyzing it BushwickBK.com: fuck off asnut BushwickBK.com: I mean does he think he's discovered a fucking trend? BushwickBK.com: he's 5 years too late with this fucking piece, christ BushwickBK.com: even the owdy NYT beat him to it BushwickBK.com: dowdy me: he basically has nothing going for him other than his accent and foppishness me: he's great at parties BushwickBK.com: what is he british? me: Australian BushwickBK.com: that;'s a shitty accent BushwickBK.com: he's trying to post it as a comment on your piece BushwickBK.com: I am deleting it me: god, that guy sucks BushwickBK.com: he tried it twice BushwickBK.com: fucking loser me: actually, I'd like to see your asshole commenters go after him BushwickBK.com: I didn't respond to his email BushwickBK.com: no they probably wouldn't because that would be logical BushwickBK.com: fucking retards me: lol me: just edit his comment to add something about how not every Puerto Rican is a precious snowflake BushwickBK.com: haha BushwickBK.com: prof alt followed them back onto their territory like mccaffrey in iraq, btw BushwickBK.com: this joe from brooklyn fellow thinks he "sunk our battleships" me: I'm sure he does me: you mean Socrates from Brooklyn BushwickBK.com: yeah that sharp-witten cosmpolitan BushwickBK.com: witted BushwickBK.com: did you see that "broken heart" cocksucker me: dunno, been playing with my secret club all day BushwickBK.com: http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2010/06/02/awww-i-think-i-hurt-someones-feelings/#comment-8416 me: lol, nice me: I do happen to agree with their anti-vegan policy, of course BushwickBK.com: naturally, each side has its merits BushwickBK.com: I find many of these hipster beatings delightful me: I do too, actually me: the characterizations are great BushwickBK.com: the guy has a good sense of humor, but he's weirdly serious about stupid shit me: and the names he comes up with me: Nasalbaum and whatnot BushwickBK.com: haha yeah me: a bit anti-semitic, but whatever BushwickBK.com: I'm pretty sure this guy and some of the ringleaders are fat eyetalian types BushwickBK.com: I just have a feeling BushwickBK.com: right me: I have little experience with such folks me: I've only seen them during brief forays into Queens me: fucking Queens BushwickBK.com: I'm related to these types me: you should see the people I'm related to me: I mean, my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandma are all erudite geniuses me: but they grew up poor on the MExican border me: and our extended family me: hoooo, boy me: got so many cattle they could by out the Masai me: buy BushwickBK.com: o no ur fetishizing your family's fake poverty BushwickBK.com: they had the riches of white privelege BushwickBK.com: which has a 1:1 value to the dollar, to hear it form some me: no, those folks are probably doing pretty well, what with the rise in beef prices due to draught me: but yeah, they all ended up rich me: or close to it me: whereas my grandpa raised rabbits and made them eat them me: all got scholarships me: one uncle recruited by CIA in college to work on what my other uncle says to be satellite tech me: and that friend I mentioned, Caleb, who got the gig at Daily NEws me: I wrote NY post accidentally me: he grew up with a drunk mom who was literally a whore BushwickBK.com: yeah same shit me: child services call numerous times BushwickBK.com: post and daily news me: got scholarship to private high school just like I did me: got scholarship to UT just like I did BushwickBK.com: I'm tirede of sob stories BushwickBK.com: life is what you make it and until anyone in America has to be a war refugee, stfu whiners me: worked his ass off at liquor stores even while working for Daily News BushwickBK.com: you're all rich as princes compared to almost everyone else me: now he's producer for NBC affiliate in Texas me: yeah, no shit me: these people need to to go to Tanzania me: see actual poverty BushwickBK.com: people who would rather spend money on rims than housing, get nice rims and shitty housing BushwickBK.com: this is their choice and I have no value to ascribe to it BushwickBK.com: but then do not bitch that you live in a rathole me: or decent housing because they live in rent control place and do shit BushwickBK.com: most rent controlled places are hellholes BushwickBK.com: amazing, landlords don't want to spend money on apartments that pay them jack shit BushwickBK.com: can you believe it? me: every single one of those weed dealers I worked with, even the ones who were low on totem poll, have some sweet fucking car me: yeah, I remember a good P.J. O'Rourke piece on that me: too bad he sucks now BushwickBK.com: I literally heard someone one time say BushwickBK.com: "you ain't got a car? nigga you po" BushwickBK.com: again, it is fine with me if they want to spend their money on such things, after all, intact walls are a modern luxury and who am I to say they're for everyone me: so, shall we disengage from the civil war and move on to something else or do we strike again, perhaps this time going after the shitty artists? BushwickBK.com: YES BushwickBK.com: well me: shitty artists? me: I've got other stuff as well BushwickBK.com: I have been thinking about this BushwickBK.com: did you go see shitty art? me: we're getting in touch with bike charities that help get used bikes to Africa, and I'll be networking in Austin this week on that me: and could perhaps partner with others in Bushwick through the column me: but that can wait as we're still getting in gear me: GET IT GEAR?!?! me: yes, I went to see plenty me: and I have plenty of unused notes BushwickBK.com: here's what I'm thinking me: okay BushwickBK.com: you write your column, I put at the end a poll BushwickBK.com: with a short explanation and a question BushwickBK.com: does barrett stay or go? BushwickBK.com: cuz if people hate you, I have to make a business decision BushwickBK.com: you know? BushwickBK.com: but then DH could just have his sychos pile on BushwickBK.com: so... me: you could require them to provide a comment with reasons as to their choice BushwickBK.com: comments are too much work BushwickBK.com: more of those who hae you would comment BushwickBK.com: hate BushwickBK.com: that's why a poll is better, they just click a button and it's anon me: yeah, I'm familiar with the dynamic BushwickBK.com: hah me: diehipster would definitely alert his time-possessed minions me: if they do vote me off, could I write just one or two additional columns regarding the bike charity? BushwickBK.com: yeah, well I'm not convinced yet if I should do it me: or perhaps I could do that one next BushwickBK.com: I want you to stay BushwickBK.com: and everyone I know except one loves you and thinks you fucking hilarious and right me: perhaps they could vote on what I write about? me: even in a mean way me: like force me to write about women's shoes or some shit me: I used to do that in my copywriting days me: but we should think of a way to capitalize on everything me: even hatred for me me: why not run an anti-Barrett column? me: wait me: why not let ME write an anti-Barrett column? BushwickBK.com: haha me: seriously BushwickBK.com: the problem is we'd have to have edgy readers me: I can send it to you and then you can decide BushwickBK.com: not spineless wimpy shitsack commies BushwickBK.com: our readers want candy me: seriously, I am entirely cognizant off all my faults me: it would be great me: it wouldn't be sarcastic, either BushwickBK.com: ok you knwo what BushwickBK.com: I'm just gonna keep testing it BushwickBK.com: just write something about art next week BushwickBK.com: then do the bike thing BushwickBK.com: then do the anti-barrett column BushwickBK.com: if there is a continuing uproar from non-knuckledraggers, then we'll address it then me: yeah, it'd be best to steer things away from me as a subject at this point me: on the other hand, an anti-barrett column would be more timely now me: hmmm me: well, whatever you think BushwickBK.com: well the art was just this weekend BushwickBK.com: and you'll always be hated me: good BushwickBK.com: by those who hate you me: that'll help me: LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH THEM BushwickBK.com: did you see anything you like? BushwickBK.com: I saw soem good stuff, mostly terrible me: oh, sorry, I didn't mean I went to the event recently BushwickBK.com: ohh me: I've been to dozens of them over the past year me: I could do a "state-of-the-art" piece me: or not, if you'd prefer more timely stuff me: and much of my material is not pertinent to Bushwick as such BushwickBK.com: in that case, do the vbarrett one me: okay me: so I'm in Dallas till Caleb picks me up tomorrow me: my mom made me take a nap today BushwickBK.com: were you cranky? me: I actually had to sneak out of the room to go smoke a cigarette while having PM meeting me: nah me: I hung at my uncle's last night me: drank a bottle of win me: took like 6 narcotic pills me: snorted ritalin I jacked from my little step-brother me: took a trabazoner me: smoked like 5 bowls of weed BushwickBK.com: I'd be asleep 1% of the way through that me: discussed the merits of the Roman populist Catiline and the Grachus brothers me: then worked on my column me: my uncle's fucking nuts me: they gave him two months till cancer killed him me: that was almost a year ago me: he BushwickBK.com: yeah and he's still drankin me: he's fucking some girl that used to go to church with one of his other nephews BushwickBK.com: careful she could get teh cancers me: no, he's AA, just smokes weed, and also cigarettes me: turns out he had a problem with heroin a while back, too me: I'd known he used to make his own crack me: I've got some fucked-up genes BushwickBK.com: organic local homemade crack BushwickBK.com: not that shit at the bodega! me: speaking of which, even though I was doing heroin for most of last month after having quit, I feel perfectly fine now me: just being in Texas cures me immediately BushwickBK.com: that's interesting BushwickBK.com: did you do it when you lived there? BushwickBK.com: or start up here me: whereas I got sick every day past couple weeks when ran out me: not really, just once me: and twice in Austin me: all those pussies out there with their methadone and their bennies me: I didn't even have advil the three times I got off me: I wish I could brag about that on some blog but my fucking mom reads EVERY SINGLE THING THAT COMES UP ON GOOGLE WITH MY NAME ON IT me: and she's never going to die, either BushwickBK.com: LOL me: my grandma's like 90 and looks like she's fucking 45 me: saw her the other night me: she was just back from yet another trip to go hiking in South America with some gentlemen caller BushwickBK.com: that's fucking awesome me: no one in my family can die or get sick BushwickBK.com: invincible me: it's really bizarre me: like, my uncle was supposed to die a couple decades ago me: from drinking, heart problems me: he actually got up on the operating table BushwickBK.com: my grandfather's brothers all live into their 90s me: and told them to turn off the Talking Heads shit that was playing over the speaker BushwickBK.com: despite being jewish and whatnot me: jewish genes not geared for longevity? Or you mean they managed to dodge the various 20th century Jew killings? BushwickBK.com: probalem is my fucking dad's side have this weird heart thing with narrow vessels and even the healthy ones who exercixe have heart issues me: anyway, then he started drinking again BushwickBK.com: I don't know whose heart I have, ugh me: ha, sucker me: I got an old friend BushwickBK.com: no I mean jew genes are bad in general me: my age me: who has brain cancer me: in his spine, too BushwickBK.com: mine are pretty good because they weren't all from the same fucking shtetl BushwickBK.com: ugh fuck BushwickBK.com: young cancer freaks me out me: now, you know who doesn't have cancer? BushwickBK.com: I mean, would if there were any in my family me: or anything else? me: me me: and you can't even imagine half the shit I've done BushwickBK.com: your white privelege me: heh, could be me: seriously, I used to smoke weed out of aluminum coke cans, have chain-smoked since 15, smoked meth out of light bulbs me: crack out of various things BushwickBK.com: when Is ay this I am joking but know that there are peple who would say that and would not be joking me: used to pick up cigarette butts off the street in fucking Dar es Salaam, the city that has cholera and a hundred other things BushwickBK.com: how is crack me: and then put them in my mouth BushwickBK.com: oh I mean tto ask BushwickBK.com: why the fuck east africa me: crack is alright, doesn't last long enough and you feel pretty shitty for a while afterwards me: heroin is far superior me: as for East Africa me: oh, wait, I'm not done BushwickBK.com: ok finish me: used to chug bottles of Robitussin to get high off the dextramorphine hydrobromide or whatever the fuck me: the amount of acetimataphen [sic] mixed in with the narc pills I took last night would cause some degree of liver failure in most adults me: whereas it doesn't do shit to me even though I drank with it, too me: I never cleaned my wounds after shooting up me: but never got infected me: and for a year or so, I lived in an efficiency with hundreds of fruit flies me: and moldd BushwickBK.com: what the fuck BushwickBK.com: why me: you know Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment me: ? me: I was that me: this was a while ago me: oh, and one time me: when I first got to college BushwickBK.com: no I'm not very literate me: and was obsessed with contacting ghosts BushwickBK.com: I have hardly read anything BushwickBK.com: haha me: I decided to kill myself out of curiosity me: so I took some huge number of Tylenols, not realizing that this only kills you slowly and painfully me: anyway, I was rather close to death at one point, but got better, took two days or so me: liver is fine me: I was a bit more eccentric back then, to put it Britishly BushwickBK.com: mm, rawthah me: oh, and of course drank liquor with the tylenols me: meanwhile, this kid gets cancer after doing absolutely nothing wrong BushwickBK.com: natch BushwickBK.com: well that's genes for you me: a lot of it's psychosomatic as welll BushwickBK.com: ok so tell me about tanganyika me: ah, yes me: the pre-union name me: well, my dad is crazy me: and my uncle, as I've mentioned above, is also crazy BushwickBK.com: go on... me: even though my uncle is my mom's brother me: anywho me: my dad was rich briefly in 80s off real estate, then got indicted, and meanwhile spent - literally - over a million dollars on African safaris me: because he is crazy me: he lost all his money me: went bankrupt me: can't buy on credit, ever me: so, poverty for him me: then parents divorced me: I ended up sharing a bed with my mom for about a year in third grade me: meanwhile, my dad is determined to get rich again me: so he does various bizarre things me: including a plan to capture an animal that may not exist in order to sell it to JApanese zoos me: my uncle is a geologist and perpetual drug addict who was a hippie who went to Nam and owns a number of assault rifles BushwickBK.com: ok so wait me: so, they are both recruited by a financial fellow, stockbroker BushwickBK.com: the time you spent in africa was just on safari? me: no, no BushwickBK.com: oh oh BushwickBK.com: you're still explaining me: that was my dad when he had money me: so they're both recruited by this dipshit Pentacostal guy who's raised some money me: and recruited four ex-military fellows plus a guy who is essentially a coke dealer me: meanwhile I learn Swahili from a book me: and, as it had become clear I would be expelled from my high school at some point anywa me: I went with them me: the plan was to establish a lumbering operation me: small-scale at first me: but cutting down valuable hardwoods me: including mahogany me: and me: again me: some other tree, Muhuhu, that may not actually exist BushwickBK.com: lol BushwickBK.com: seems liek the sound the guy who told that story would make when he was done me: (I should pause to note that a lot of people suspect on some occasion that the world is some virtual construct made for them; I had this feeling throughout my childhood and adolescence) BushwickBK.com: (me too) me: so, we get there me: we have this compound in one of the nicer district, NASACO, national shipping compound me: we have a little house me: with three rooms me: rest of us sleep in tents in yard me: this is a few months after the embassy bombing me: city crawling with FBI, presumably CIA, and Marines me: not including our two ex-Marines BushwickBK.com: how old are you BushwickBK.com: like 28? me: one of whom is a crazed sniper - Catholic, of course me: yep BushwickBK.com: go on me: anyway, things quickly collapsed due to failure of leadership, corruption, etc. me: devolved into a sort of civil war me: meanwhile my uncle is growing marijuana plants in our yard me: my dad is buying "fireworks" that are actually just explosives me: and setting them off me: in a city that had been hit by a deadly terrorist attack just a few months before and is crawling with security types BushwickBK.com: you got agustin buroughs beat like 100 times over already me: yep me: and that's not anywhere near a complete summary BushwickBK.com: on a similar note, my dad loved to buy "fireworks" that were really just small sticks of dynamite too me: anywho, several factions arise BushwickBK.com: and throw them around to scare the shit out of his children BushwickBK.com: go on me: well, my uncle was always pissed off about that because he was stoned and paranoid about his pot me: and my dad just keeps blowing shit up and laughing BushwickBK.com: lol me: also he tried to stop me from smoking pot when we first arrived me: then realized he couldn't do shit about it me: and then started smoking pot me: meanwhile, money is gone me: occasionally one of the adults would have pity on me and give me a couple hundred shillings me: to buy a candy bar or cigs me: I was also asked by some crazy fucking Rhodesian diamond smuggler to come check out this valley he owns that has mystical powers BushwickBK.com: Rhodesia is super me: I did accompany him to a nearby beach resort and quickly figured out that he was trying to fuck me me: I politely declined BushwickBK.com: haha me: he was good looking though me: anywho me: oh, so yeah me: our passports had been taken up by our leader's contact, a NASACO lawyer and animist named Ademba Gomba me: this fueled further paranoia, much of it warranted me: basically, we were in a position similar to Dubai "guest worker" slaves, except not slaves and not doing any work and not like that at all other than having our passports taken me: thus the leader had us trapped BushwickBK.com: that was what I was thinking tho BushwickBK.com: the guest worker slaves me: he did this because there was, by this point, an obvious intent on the part of my uncle and a couple others to, like, commandeer the operation me: and remember I'm hazy on details because I was stoned every day, all day, for months me: luckily I'll have my uncle's journal soon me: but anyway me: things came to a head me: there was a confrontation me: the coke dealer was essentially the leader's bodyguard at this point me: it becomes clear to us that there's nothing to salvage me: so we plan our individual escapes me: my dad wanted to get me out first me: but, again, no passports me: so that other uncle of mine, the one who used to work for various CIA front operations doing tech me: calls someone at the State Department me: who calls Ademba Gomba me: who races over to give us our passports BushwickBK.com: whoa me: then everyone has someone back home wire money or buy ticket back to U.S. me: although one guy stayed me: went to run a river tour in exchange for like free beer and pocket money me: Ademba Gomba, meanwhile, was indicted two months ago for some sort of corruption charge me: my dad and uncle were both entirely broke me: had to have family get them out me: oh and also we were on this drug the whole time me: this anti-malaria drug me: which has since been proven to induce some degree of psychotic behavior BushwickBK.com: thus africa me: now, I've skipped a couple of incidents BushwickBK.com: I kid me: such as the time I had to jump out of a moving cab BushwickBK.com: yeah I get the drift BushwickBK.com: before it plunged over a cliff and exploded? me: and another time when I had to face down kids who were like 11 and armed with machetes me: because I strayed too far past the sign on the beach that said "MUGGERS BEYOND THIS POINT" BushwickBK.com: that was me widening my dad's driveway BushwickBK.com: haha me: the cab jumping was to avoid what was shaping up to appear to be a kidnapping attempt BushwickBK.com: good work, public safety officials me: the driver had been rec'd to me by a guy from whom I was trying to buy heroin me: anyway, then I came home to Dallas, worked at a movie theater for a while, got arrested twice, broke probation, went to college, dropped out, sold drugs, wrote articles, got picked up on probation violation, broke probation again, hung around in Texas anyway, moved to MExico, then briefly to NYC in 2003, then back to Austin, and then NYC again me: and now I'm prepping for another Mexico adventure me: oh, also, the guys would bring back hookers, fuck them, and then not pay them BushwickBK.com: damn me: and thus went my bland youth in Wisconsin BushwickBK.com: fuck barrett, I'm startin got think the Dh bunch are right about who runs NY media BushwickBK.com: http://www.nypress.com/blog-6595-wait-young-people-are-moving-to-brooklyn_.html BushwickBK.com: no, pensyltuckyvania! BushwickBK.com: on an interesting note, my 21 yr old brother is moving here next week or so me: lol, they linked to that? BushwickBK.com: I want him to fall face-first into total corruption BushwickBK.com: they linked it to make fun of it and then were equally as lame BushwickBK.com: if better-prosed me: corruption of which sort? me: I can probably help BushwickBK.com: well not corruption of the veins so much BushwickBK.com: but I just want him to not live with my fucking father BushwickBK.com: live like a slob and be forced to pay his own way me: I see me: and what is the nature of your plan? BushwickBK.com: he's coming here and we are finding him a room me: thank god, I just got out of going clothes shopping with my damned mom BushwickBK.com: not too close to me, I hope BushwickBK.com: omg barrett BushwickBK.com: wtf are you doing me: I recommend the anarchist commune me: dude, my mom is crazy BushwickBK.com: oh, he's already an anarchist, so that mgiht work me: I'm an only child BushwickBK.com: note he and I had nearly no contact in his formative years me: well, they're not, they're fucking douchebags BushwickBK.com: we are ech independenly anarchists BushwickBK.com: I know BushwickBK.com: I'd like if you moved in there actually BushwickBK.com: so you could rob some of them BushwickBK.com: haha me: I don't think they have anything I'd want BushwickBK.com: democratise their meansof production BushwickBK.com: yeah except bedbugs me: more likely I would just lecture them about actual anarchism BushwickBK.com: or, aside from I meant BushwickBK.com: you don't want bedbugs me: I fucking got that shit on Park Street BushwickBK.com: it's the only thing I'm terrified of me: fucking lucky I was able to move out without bringing them with me to my Arab princess friend's apartment when I lived with her me: because she seriously would have fucking suicide bombed me BushwickBK.com: haha me: she got pissed off that I lit cigarettes off her precious toaster me: oh and also the heroin me: one moment, I need to snort this ritalin I jacked from my new little step-brother BushwickBK.com: mom just got married? me: dad did me: mom got married two years back BushwickBK.com: ah me: to a guy me: oilman me: family of drunks me: actually banned from a lake in Texas me: do you know what you have to do to get banned from a lake in fucking Texas? BushwickBK.com: I didn't know that was a thing me: you have to blow up old cars with dynamite for no reason me: Texas lakes are pretty lax fucking environments me: they are not akin to country clubs me: rather, they are like watering holes for white trash wildlife BushwickBK.com: my dad also loves blowing up stuff BushwickBK.com: he killed all the wildlife in his pond with M-1000s and then filled it in BushwickBK.com: like the fucking warsaw uprising