| Subject: Re: diff version |
| From: Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> |
| Date: 5/12/10, 12:58 |
| To: patrick stack <pjs@outofpocketfilms.com> |
I didn't receive a word doc from you recently, though I recall that early on one of your messages ended up in my spam filter for some reason so perhaps that's what happened.
This is pretty good, though of course you'd want to have at least one chapter finished as well in order to convince one of the agents to sign you. A couple suggestions - the beginning portion should be clipped here and there just to make it move faster. The later parts dealing with your earlier career could meanwhile be expanded a bit, as they're particularly grabbing. Of course, you'll definitely want to stick in a great number of such anecdotes throughout the book. Also, the bits of humor work very well; a few more such lines or clauses would make it stronger ("bitch slapped by Mike Tyson," etc). Finally, this is in pretty good shape but needs a few small tweaks here and there for grammar and style - nothing major at all.
Haven't heard back from the other agents I e-mailed but will send out another round of queries perhaps later today. Feel free to call or e-mail if you'd like to discuss anything.