Selena: it's friday, i can only hope you have gotten yourself a haircut me: not quite yet me: but I've got high hopes Selena: well that's an optimistic perspective me: apparently I resemble Johnny Rotten me: http://americanpowerblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/barrett-bodies-brown-disses-him-some.html Selena: uh that's not the way to fight back intelligently but what do i know. me: plans this weekend? me: my old friend Liz Ellis is flying in from SF, gonna be staying with my other friends but will be coming over here first since they work late me: gonna be hanging with her if you'd care to join us me: will be drinking heavily Selena: well if you guys are catching up i wouldn't want to impose. me: it wouldn't be an imposition at all, we're not going to sit around drinking tea and telling each other about what our grandkids are up to Selena: i wasn't aware you had heirs me: I plan to have a dozen Selena: a dozen what, grandkids? me: kids Selena: are youg oing to start a harem Selena: because good luck getting one woman to agree to ruin her vagina like that me: yep Selena: tell you what Selena: i'll let you have a couple of my eggs Selena: i am not hosting some fucking growth though me: great, didn't want to ask outright, thought it might be too forward Selena: what, you wanted an egg? me: well, I'm hungry Selena: i am pretty sure mental illness runs in my family Selena: i have some leftover spinach baked w/ cheese & cream Selena: and a tiny arugula salad Selena: i don't know why i ordered from li'l frankies, that shit was a 30$ lunch me: ARUGILA ZOMG me: gdo damnit me: FUCK Selena: don't mock my stupid salad me: this keyboard is really cramping my style Selena: for the price of this lunch it should have blown me me: seriously, $30? me: order from me: oh, you're in Manhattan Selena: yes seriously. Selena: right. Selena: soho me: anywho, best place ever is Warma Selena: what is warma? Selena: this is going to be some terrible diner, isn't it Selena: also did your friend ever get back to you re: bushwick area restaurants me: haven't asked yet, but will me: got to write up my sex thing me: will do that now, actually Selena: that dude never wrote me back to at least confirm he received it Selena: he better be on vacation or something me: that's nothing me: few days is reasonable delay me: you should see what's going on with this fucking editor of New York Observer Selena: yes but he has always been way prompt before Selena: maybe he doesn't like YOU Selena: and i am now associated with facist/racist bigots like YOU Selena: (according to those sites) Selena: you aryan looking motherfucker (i like how bothof those sites devolved into name calling and personal appearance insults) me: yeah, there are a lot of scrub bloggers out there me: CNN has no problem bringing them on as talking heads despite their respective track records for insanity me: I wish it was warmer outside me: haven't played any basketball in like two weeks Selena: i left the house thinking it WAS warm Selena: sans bra Selena: whoops me: for some reason my apartment is cold as shit Selena: it's not that cold out Selena: also you are skinny Selena: go put on a sweater you decrepit shit me: I know, I'm just inclined towards warm weather me: I also can't find my sweaters Selena: that's because you're from the south Selena: i'm s urprised you OWN a sweater me: maybe I should look in my clothes pile Selena: you know...that would be a good idea. Selena: have you fired off a response to the anonymous freak on my blog yet Selena: bc he has attacked you yet again Selena: prompting the OTHER poster, the harmless bystander "jack bauer" to say something like "oh god" Selena: hahahahah it's hilarious me: nah, I'm done trying to talk sense into that guy; if my real name was being used, I'd probably respond once more just to make it extra-clear that I'm right and he's nuts, but as it is now, don't really need to defend myself Selena: i'm looking @ yr vlog thing now Selena: i like that you took the time to put on a blazer. me: I'm surprised no one noted how clearly stoned I am in that thing me: of course, gotta look nice; should have shaved, too Selena: to create SOME semblance of respectability Selena: YOUR HAIR Selena: IS LIKE IT WAS BRUSHED WITH A SHOE me: I just found some amazing razor in my bathroom kit, it's like the greatest shaving razor ever me: lol me: very good me: I'll get it cut this weekend, soitanly Selena: also it has come to my attention that you sound something like... Selena: um. me: supposed to get my headshot on Monday Selena: wait no i was going to say foghorn leghorn me: that's not my normal voice Selena: but he was more carolina me: was really high, also been up for 24 hours or something Selena: oh this was your stoned voice? me: yeah me: well, also me: I'm deliberately trying to sound a certain way for the video me: didn't work as well as I'd hoped me: kind of sound nerdy, which is okay, beats the alternative Selena: were you trying to sound...stoned? me: nope me: opposite Selena: "hi i'm barrett brown, totally sober" Selena: (this is not a joint, btw) Selena: BAHAHAHAHAHA nice work. me: it was alright me: I'm about to do another one me: somewhat less stoned and perfectly rested Selena: will you groom beyond washing your face me: yeah, just shaved me: have run fingers through hair in order to settle it down a bit me: so I look less like a Teutonic barbarian who has just finished burning down a Roman outpost in Dacia Selena: i feel like a monkey Selena: like i should be picking nits out of your head me: at least I'm free of lice Selena: that's a relief? me: I clean up good me: so me: my best friend Caleb me: who went back down to Texas to take a job as a producer for NBC news affiliate in Tyler me: took my suggestion that he get on OkCupid me: and man me: the pickin' is pretty slim down thar me: he wrote to me last night, "remember hicks?" me: I had forgotten me: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ajeastx?cf=regular me: he's doing well for himself by taking that job for like a year or so and then coming up here after Project PM is launched me: but it's gonna be rough me: this is top-tier in East Texas in terms of intelligence me: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/xhotpinklipglos?cf=regular Selena: ha ha is that a hick? me: the fat girl in the cowboy hat who's clearly of mediocre intelligence? me: yes me: but nothing nearly as bad as some of the shit you see down there Selena: this second girl is making unfortunate duck face me: yeah, totally me: like I said, she is relatively hip for those parts Selena: SHE HAS A SMASHING PUMPKINS TATTOO me: lots of Texas women are beautiful, but East Texas doesn't have many of even reasonable intelligence me: yes, yes she does Selena: also she listed "the number 23" as one of her favorite movies Selena: and oh my god that was like THE WORST MOVIE EVER Selena: it pains me me: I just want to say how happy I am not to be living in a non-urban area in Texas Selena: seriously pains me to think that someone actually ENJOYED that piece of claptrap rubbish Selena: oh. are we done making fun of these people Selena: because i'm not me: my mom threw me out of the house when I was seventeen me: and I had to live with my dad in Jacksonville Selena: if you'er half as insufferable as you are now i wonder why. me: which is outside of Tyler me: and man me: that was a depressing time me: okay me: now to sort my e-mail yet again me: make a video me: start on my half of sex column me: and then Liz will be here in like ten minutes Selena: what are you & liz doing? Selena: sitting around that barren apartment, drinking from that vodka bottle? Selena: maybe have her buy plastic cups me: probably go have a drink at a bar nearby first me: maybe come back here and drink and chat and whatnot Selena: what bar will that be me: probably go meet up with Josh later me: at his place me: no idea me: possibly Bushwick Country Club me: possibly Union Selena: gross me: whatever me: the intention is simply to have a drink and talk, not to lick the fucking interior or make sweet love to the customers Selena: hahahah Selena: i have never been to BCC Selena: but after hearing it smells like farts inside, i refuse to go. me: it doesn't me: that's insane Selena: i have an extremely good nose Selena: i don't want to assault it me: hmm me: just got an e-mail from my publisher me: looks like he's finally gotten around to reading my fucking book me: Barrett- I;m reading your book and love it. please call me to discuss blurbers and plans. me: almost certainly going to ask me to arrange for more book blurbs me: like that's my ucking job Selena: wait you have a 3rd book? me: they did it all last time, not sure why they're regressing me: no, this is second one me: he's just now reading it Selena: i thought that was coming out now me: and it goes out soon Selena: HOW IS HE PUBLISHING IT HAVING NEVER READ IT me: yeah, he's a goon me: well, editor handles that Selena: well still me: he spends most of his time with lawsuits me: and thinking up ways in which to violate every ethical system known to man Selena: hahahaha he sounds great me: he's a fucking fool me: cancelled my second book after I'd already signed a contract Selena: i was kidding, you dildo me: and neglected to tell me this me: I know me: I'm just restating my opposition to him me: but he's my asshole me: still, going with another publisher next time Selena: that sounds like a marked improvement