Chat with Selena Leong

I watched this ICP video

4:14 PM that SNL was parodying

and even though I obviously despise ICP and the video is explicitly anti-science

I really liked the song

I'm kind of confused

4:18 PM Selena: you should be confused

i am starting to believe you might have shitty taste in music.

this is an aberration

4:19 PM I just like the same/backbeat

you can try to convince me all you want

4:20 PM but based on the "music" you played while we were @ your place, i believe your musical taste is suspect

you are, afterall, from texas.

me: you can't attack Cream and retain credibility

you know who that is?

Selena: i'm barfing your preference for shitty electronica

4:22 PM me: Cream is classic rock

I don't listen to very much electronica, literally two bands

4:23 PM Selena: listen i will never spot you five bucks for the jukebox

i just want that made clear now so there are no misunderstandings down the road.

4:30 PM me: then I'll get a job

and use my coal-mine money to play the jukebox on my own dime, so to speak

this is libel and slander

Selena: why on earth would you do that

Selena: haha grow a set

Selena: i realize the actual turn of phrase is "grow a pair"

but i like "grow a set" because people are like "set? set of what?"

how's your last two days been?

4:32 PM Selena: oh, blah

worked til 9:30pm last night

went home, drank vodka, woke up wanting to die

am bleeding out of my baby maker like it is my job.

4:33 PM how are you?

did you ever sleep, you fucking vampiric freak?

me: yeah, got a lot of sleep, passed out at 2 pm yesterday, woke up around 11 and read till 4, went back to sleep, woke up at 2 again

4:34 PM Mirna's moving out today

she caught me fucking in her bed again

not sure how that remained in there

it may be underwear from some previous occasion

4:35 PM Selena: HAHAHA

4:36 PM when do you have to be out of that place

4:40 PM is she moving out because of the discovery of your carnal experiences in her bed

this was only a temporary place

4:49 PM Selena: ah OK just the way you phrased it

made it sound as if she were incensed at this final injustice

me: she wasn't that mad, just woke me up and threw a condom and underwear at me

her parents are Lebanese

4:50 PM but I followed the other rule she had set, no heroin use

which really is the more important of the two

Selena: yes that's a pretty key rule

4:51 PM me: anyway, I'm excited about being technically homeless again for a month or two, just like the the good ol' days

Selena: where will you stay?

you mentioned staying at various friends'?

4:52 PM me: the girl I dated for a month until she broke up with me for being insufficiently romantic just called ten minutes aho

Selena: somehow it does not surprise me that you are "insufficiently romantic"

4:53 PM you seem about as romantic as a phone booth

me: apparently the dumb guy she chose over me is

Selena: well. chicks kind of dig that.

me: okay, I'm going to restart my computer\

5:03 PM me: okay, that's better

fucking thing was doing this shit whereby it pretends to be a ten-year-old laptop that's never been properly maintained instead of a five-month-old laptop that I treat like a precious female baby

5:04 PM it's a really neat trick

5:05 PM my ex is unhappy because the guy for whom she dumped me is unintelligent, which she knew going in because she "wanted to do something different" instead of dating intelligent guys with stuff going on in their lives other than her

So, guess I won that relationship

this little tactical attack on Robert Zemeckis' wife I was asked to set up has gone through

5:11 PM it's a real meeting of the minds, this dipshit editor of Scallywag and Vagabond and my incompetent, amoral book publisher Drew Nederpelt

5:12 PM editor describes Sterling & Ross, which puts out my books, as a "power house publishing house," which is absolutely ridiculous

they work out of a shared office in the garment district

5:36 PM Selena: hahaha well. you can't say "we're a dump"

wait so does your ex want your brains back

and your cold, pragmatic, unromantic ways?

5:37 PM me: of course

she likes intelligent, ambitious guys

Selena: well you've got THAT in spades

5:38 PM am i supposed to be threatened?

me: she was unhappy that my work obviously comes first

so she took a guy for whom she's always going to come first

Selena: well that's stupid, who would want someone to make you a priority

like another human being

that's fucking DUMBBBBB

me: because the guy has nothing going on

Selena: well even if i have nothing going on

Selena: i'm still going to focus on my stuff

5:39 PM also when you make someone else a priority you lose your sense of self

me: she was a priority, and i did indeed show her affection, and we hung out, had lots of sex, etc.

I'm not entirely sure what else she wanted

Selena: your dick with a bow on it?

5:40 PM women are mysterious creatures

me: I just made a video calling out this douchebag Donald Douglas

gonna try to figure out how to post it

me: takes a lot less time to make a little video

Selena: and then link from there?

me: than writing a whole piece

yeah, should be no problem

Selena: yeah but you have to be hair/makeup ready, ha ha ha.

me: I can embed it into my True/lant blog

Selena: i am a vain little brat

you're really cute, too

5:46 PM Selena: oh. even despite my dog eaten face? ha

Selena: i'm 34 and you just called me "cute."

esp. bc i have pigtail braids again

me: I was actually taken aback by your attractiveness the other night

5:47 PM me: i don't tell girls that sort of thing very often

Selena: well it's definitely disarming

me: that's why last one dumped me

Selena: why because you didn't?

you didn't swoon and fawn?

me: I didn't do it enough

Selena: i mean i'm not averse to some compliments

but my physical state is just genetics

me: I'm not going to over do it

you can, however, compliment me on my brains

Selena: or bj skills.

5:48 PM and you don't even LIKE bj's

me: I've already made clear my admiration for your brains and writing skills in particular

me: I don't dislike BJs

Selena: it's why i keep you around

me: I just prefer to fuck

i prefer sex to oral (performed on me)

i'm like "zzz are you done, let's start thrusting"

me: so, when do I get to see you again?

Selena: you can see me whenever you want

5:49 PM though of course kissing and that sort of related stuff will again be put on hold

due to the mending mouth issue

5:50 PM me: how's that going?

me: you free tonight?

Selena: but still numb/tingly

me: I could bring laptop ovr

Selena: it's pouring rain righ tnow, that's all i know

5:51 PM and i am ill prepared having thought it was supposed to be a beautiful day all day.

me: gotta finish this fucking column

5:52 PM i am working on this article now

5:53 PM me: for Skeptical Inquirer

good ol' Google docs

5:54 PM Selena: is it still raining.

5:55 PM Selena: i am dressed like an extra from 1992 era 90210

5:56 PM hahaha want a brief excerpt

"We started out as most average folks would on a first date: sitting beside each other on a couch, sharing a mug of cheap vodka mixed with moderately priced juice, and talking. Within minutes, we were kissing and his hand was tangled in the demilitarized zone between my breast and bra."

6:01 PM christ 500 words is NOT A LOT