Subject: Chat with Selena Leong
From: Selena Leong <selenaleong@gmail.com>
To: barriticus@gmail.com

Selena: thanks, now my face is hurting x 2394723987439473 reading your responses on my blog HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
me: no problemo!
Selena: you are a hilarious writer
Selena: god you're mean, it's great.
me: I'm pretty good at internet fights, I'll admit
me: I do them professionally
Selena: sounds like you have found your true calling
Selena: also uh boy i was drunk last night
Selena: i think iwent to bed at 9:30
me: should be done with column soon, have already thrown in some notes and whatnot into the date rape piece
me: I think I left around 9:30, didn't I?
me: also, you're going to love this
Selena: i pretty much went to bed right after you left
Selena: i was like "zzz" all day yesterday, fucking tired
me: I figured I should try to query the computer game mags since they pay exceptionally well
me: so I needed a sample
Selena: oh great
Selena: oh god
Selena: you are writing about dwarf mountain
me: so, I'm playing a little game this evening
Selena: and i know it's dwarf fortress
me: oh yes
Selena: but i refuse to fucking call it that
Selena: i'm calling it by every wrong name possible
me: I wrote an epic short tale about the attack of the stork
Selena: just to be a little cunt rag
Selena: i have no doubt you will get it picked up
me: do what you will, my love of dwarf fortress conquers all
me: it's actually pretty good
Selena: i shall remain unvanquished
me: I even put a poem in there
Selena: oh god
me: about a cat who was killed by the stork
Selena: i think i might have to stab you with a pen
me: Battered -
What served as bones are now no more
Red's all been splattered
On ceiling, walls, and bloody floor
Now see tattered
A noble cat who freely roamed
But, being stray, is not bemoaned

me: ZOMGLOL
me: there goes your mouth
Selena: hhahahahahha
Selena: i hate you so much
me: I understand if you want to break up
Selena: the only thing i want to break is your laptop
me: IT'S ALL ON GOOGLE DOCS, YO
Selena: shit
Selena: we have reached an impasse
me: I'm writing the sex piece in bits and no particular order, here's what I have
me: the date went incredibly well. The conversation was engaging, easy, and jumping around in subject matter in such a way as a conversation often does when both parties are at ease. She even let me show her this extraordinarily intricate computer strategy game over which I am obsessed. Then she instigated more sexual activity, most likely because she was tired of having to hear about the procedural world generation process in Dwarf Fortress.

So, I'm not so much threatening as I am incorrigible, and not so much incorrigible as I am a guy who often pretends that he is a large number of dwarves who live in a fortress. I do have lots of sex, somehow. I must be really fucking charming. I certainly know how to treat a female guest whom I'm pursuing romantically. I bought some vodka and not one, but two kinds of juice with which to mix it.

me: this is just rough draft out of notes, then I write based on those notes, partially the same thing
Selena: hahahahahah
me: it's gonna be a good piece
Selena: i love how dwarf fucktress must figure so prominently in so much of your writing :(
me: I just started playing it last week
me: having played it for a while a couple years ago
me: new version came out this month after two years
Selena: oh GREAT
me: I'll satiate myself soon and be done
Selena: i pray for the day
me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuromancer
me: you need to get this as soon as you can
me: otherwise I'll get it for you
Selena: crikey
Selena: alright already, i'll get it
me: well done
Selena: OK i need to go shower and get my old ass to work
me: have fun
Selena: you should go to bed
Selena: i know you've been up all fucking night
me: will eventually
Selena: hahaha awww you're a little nocturnal monkey
Selena: get a haircut too you filthy fucker
Selena: you look homeless
me: think I should?
me: okay
Selena: hahaha yes
Selena: otherwise i will do it for you while you sleep
Selena: and i am by no means a professional
Selena: enjoy the bald spots i give you
me: probably be best that way
me: the people I go to don't cut white hair
Selena: i could drink two bottles of wine
Selena: and then cut your hair
Selena: i did that to a guy once
Selena: he actually looked OK
Selena: he claimed his coworkers complimented him
me: hah, Mirna just came home after having been at that stupid guy's place all night, the animals were all happy to see her and then she left immediately to go to work
me: they're stuck with me
me: holy shit
me: there's a new version of Google documents
me: with several key features
me: including real-time edits than can be seen by all parties as well as in-document chatting
me: we could carry on our little conversations over some article on which we're collaborating, or our little ideas/to do list document. that would be another unprecedented, nifty futuristic media thing