| Subject: Chat with Selena Leong |
| From: Selena Leong <selenaleong@gmail.com> |
1:18 PM Selena: how's dwarf mountain treating you.
1:22 PM me: I'm afraid you've gotten the name wrong
1:23 PM it is DWARF FORTRESS
DWARF FORTRESS
DWARF FORTRESS
DWARF FORTRESS
DWARF FORTRESS
Selena: OWWWW
that is the sound of my face tearing into three pieces
thanks to you making me laugh
so how was UP
1:24 PM me: UP?
Selena: union pool
1:32 PM me: ah, was okay, just went for a couple beers with my friends Josh and Stein
Selena: but not your friend named josh stein?
bc i have one named josh stein.
1:33 PM me: never
Selena: what, two birds, one stone
2:08 PM me: so cold
2:09 PM Selena: ?
2:10 PM me: this apartment is fucking freezing for some reason
2:11 PM Selena: maybe you have rabies too.
2:12 PM me: I hope so
Selena: that's not foam at your mouth is it.
2:13 PM me: it better be
Selena: well...for your sake, i hope it is.
2:42 PM me: I got an e-mail back from Adam or whatever at NY Press
going to submit him some column ideas
going to write under pen name, also
2:43 PM and unless I can think of something better, I'll write about my recent induction into role-playing
care of you
Selena: oh man
OK
me: it'll be amusing
Selena: god yes it will
now i can know what it's like to be a subject of an expose
a thrillingly risque one
me: see, this is pretty power-couply already
2:44 PM Selena: hahahaha we are
me: and also fairly hip of us
Selena: i wrote about you on my blog
it has already garnered numerous responses
me: "Yeah, we both write about our sexual experiences for New York magazines"
Selena: which i needed to address.
me: ah, god
good,
i mean
will read it now
Selena: haha
OH GOD
this is embarrassing!
me: how so?
2:45 PM Selena: i don't know
bc i figured you would read it
me: stop being embarrassed about stuff
Selena: so i can't be embarrassed
well it's more...i am weird about the subjects of my stories reading them
and being like "THAT IS NOT AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF ME"
me: I COMMAND YOU AS YOUR LEATHER-CLAD SEX MASTER THINGAMAJIG ZOMG
Selena: though i'm pretty honest
HAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHHA
you're getting under my skin, barnacle bill
2:46 PM me: but Dwarf Fortress is going pretty well
aside from everything else
some humans came to trade
after I was done trading, I decided that it would be fun to have more people trying to attack me every once in a while
2:47 PM so I commanded my four soldiers to kill one of the humans
Selena: are you killing your own kind.
me: but they didn't at first
so I figured there was a bug or something
went off to do something else
then last night I was building some water-based engineering feats
and happened to notice that the human was dead in this pond near my trade depot
2:48 PM I like to think that my dwarves ran over to him while he was leaving and smacked him and knocked him, where he drowned
as he seemed to be in one piece
no legs or anything detached
so, I'm pretty hapy
2:49 PM Selena: oh my god
me: I'll keep you updated as events warrant
Selena: we need to work on you getting a life, sweetheart.
me: nah
I'd pretty solid on that front
this is basically the exact thing I wanted when I was a kid
and now I have it
2:50 PM this is like watching sports for me
Selena: then will you at least allow me the luxury of mocking your lame interest
you can roll your eyes whenever i talk about poker.
me: yep
of course
2:53 PM Selena: then we can read our magazines.
you with your harpers, me w/ my uh, i don't know, TONY or some junk
and then toss them aside for some late night sex games
2:54 PM me: lol, The Secret Garden
Selena: i've never read it
me: Caleb's mom had that in her secret drawar
Selena: hahahaha
and?
was it erotica of the 70's?
me: read it when I was very young, very educational
Selena: was it "arousing"
me: yeah, written by a bunch of women
2:55 PM certainly
Selena: mayb ei'll pick it up on the way home today ha haha
anyway was my depiction accurate for the most part
me: when I was 14 or so, my dad lived in LA at Century City, I hung out at that mall quite a bit
Selena: i got more cerebral than sexy
me: some bookstore had the same book
Selena: what mall?
me: so I ripped out some of the pages
Selena: oh CC mall
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
2:56 PM me: kept those for a while
this was before the internet was useful
Selena: for wanking material?
me: or before I had good access to it
yes
some of your readers have comprehension problems
Selena: i could always use a good wank read
me: also, I guess I do have ADD
looking over my conversation patterns on these IMs
2:57 PM DO YOU KNOW TESLA WAS?!?!
Selena: you're not the most focused of people.
during conversations
you do veer off on tangents
me: HEY LET'S HAVE SEX
Selena: hahaha yes
me: NICOLOAI TESLA
ONE TIME IN LA
Selena: hyes
oh my god
stop you're cracking me up
me: oops
2:58 PM so, millions die each month for want of a simple 50-cent rehydration packet due to infant diseases
GET IT?!?!
wair
nevermind
Selena: um
what.
me: I was trying to be unfunny
it worked!
2:59 PM okay, that suffices
3:00 PM Selena: you're a strange bird
me: how so?
Selena: i can only imagine how much more intense you could be were you put on shit like ritalin
just saying, you're weird
it's not a bad thing
me: my mom put me on Ritalin for years when I was a kid
Selena: why doe sthat not surprise me
3:01 PM god you were probably a really annoying child
me: nah
I've got video tapes
Selena: you can't say that
OK patrick bateman
me: I was pretty cool
3:02 PM Selena: you were definitely a hyperactive child
me: I only saw part of the movie and never read the book, did he have video tapes of himself?
Selena: no but he talked about "having to return some video tapes" repeatedly
so anytime someone says "video tapes" it's my immediate reaction
3:03 PM me: ah
gotcha
Selena: it's like my pavlovian response to any fucking seinfeld reference too
i'll blurt out a seinfeld thing
same for the simpsons.
that's as pastiche personality as i go
3:04 PM me: you'll be good for plenty of sex column material
3:05 PM try to be as interesting as possible
Selena: uhhh great now i have to put on a pony show for you???
me: I could do like two of these a month
nah
Selena: based off of ME? fuck you
me: no, I've got past material upon which to draw
Selena: thank GOD
you can do me first (pun intended)
me: I mean I've got enough to do two a month, $150
3:06 PM Selena: then delve into your past
oh man would it be funny if i wrote adam and asked "can i write about letting a guy rape me on the first night we hang out"
he could do a he said/she said thing
3:10 PM me: actually not a bad idea
3:11 PM Selena: you should suggest that when you pitch that to him. tell him that it was w/ me
ha ha ha
i'm serious, i'll write about it
actually i should just write him now.
and ask
3:12 PM me: let me know if you do, otherwise I'll ask
Selena: i'm writing him now
3:13 PM me: it's also worth mentioning the sex-while-girl-is-asleep dynamic, which is somewhat related
Selena: uh yes.
3:14 PM duhhh
me: insomuch as that the implication is that it's not consensual
well, duuuuuuuuuuuh!
additionally, I'm going to lend you this Writer's Guide 2009 book
I really could use a partner for certain things
3:15 PM Selena: really?
me: like, if you can think up a good idea and do a bit of the necessary research and find contact info for pertinent pubs, I could do rest of research and actually write the piece and we can split the money
Selena: you don't have to bring me on board
me: yeah
Selena: OK
me: and we should focus on silly shit
Selena: i'm into it
3:16 PM me: like, I once made $500 for an article for Pizza Today
mags like that pay a lot
Selena: but i would like to focus on collaborating our genitals and brains before we become a writing collective.
HAHAHAH awesome.
me: we can do both
Selena: wow power couple indeed
a formidable force in both the writing world and the bedroom
watch out.
3:17 PM me: but seriously, I have lots of time available, main reason I don't do more and more lucrative writing is that I don't go to the trouble of getting assignments from more publications
so this isn't me helping you out, I really could use a partner
also, your style is professional-quality
in fact, better than a lot of stuff that runs
Selena: really?
you're flattering the shit out of me
3:18 PM do you want me to CC you on this email
or would that be just too weird
3:19 PM me: it wouldn't be weird at all
that's a pretty reasonable thing to do
Selena: OK
3:20 PM sending it now
me: I was going to partner with Mirna but she lacks the will to actually do anything
Selena: god this is so weird
fucking potheads
useless
me: even without pot
she just loves watching shitty fucking TV shoe
shoe?
Selena: is she the one who sketches?
3:21 PM me: no
Selena: i saw the one of you smoking taped to the window
oh
me: nah, that's a girl I was sort of dating recently
Selena: i was going to say my she's got a lot going for her
me: but who turned out to be nuts
Selena: lawyer, slob, pothead, artist
how did she turn out to be NUTS
me: well, I already knew via the grapevine that she was nuts
3:22 PM basically, she knew I was hooking up with my friend Catalina
when we started seeing each other
in fact, she proposed a threesome
but then
we went to her friend's party
and a bunch of her female friends were talking to me
and I mentioned that I was seeing another girl sort of
3:23 PM and one of them, this chick Asuza, who is involved in another hilarious story/situation I'll tell you about later,
Selena: wait isn't catalina the one who is banging the neurophysics guy
crikey you really like your drama
me: goes over to this girl I was seeing, Miriam, and tells her about Catalina
3:24 PM and she, like, acts as if she doesn't know about this and says, in this big circle of her girlfriends, "Epic fail, Miriam!" and then goes to let her crazy hair down to some other friend of hers for like half an hour
yes, Catalina is the same person
but that wasn't the really crazy part
3:25 PM a week later, I didn't pick up when she called and didn't respond via IM and she's all drunk and leaves me phone messages and texts saying not to call her ever again and that we're done
next day she tries to play it off like she meant to call work
which is clearly not true
3:26 PM also, I never really liked her all that much
Selena: hahaha
um
look i'm not going to get involved in any stupid drama w/ you
so i hope you're not expecting any
me: I'm not into drama
Selena: i like my life to be as uncomplicated as possible
me: sometimes it just occurs
Selena: and right now it's kind of a shit storm
me: me too
3:27 PM Selena: w/ my finances
and living situation
BUT those will change
me: understood
Selena: hey adam said we should do it but each write only 500 words
is that OK?
me: okay
Selena: yes?
500 words isn't a lot, it's like what, one page?
half a page?
me: I'll send him other ideas later on, we'll do this for now
500 words is perfect for this
3:28 PM Selena: i think this would be a really funny first collaboration.
OK.
me: yeah, it would
Selena: OK!
me: I'm impressed with us
and our NYC hipness
Selena: reply on your end, i'll reply on mine
hahahaha
oh my god
stop cracking me up
me: okay, also forward me his reply
Selena: he replied all
me: lol wut? I didn't write anything particularly funny
Selena: the NYC hipness.
so reply to him directly and i'll reply to him directly
3:29 PM no need to CC me
i already have confirmation on your end
ctually
wait respond to all
so we can find out when the deadline is.
3:31 PM me: I just e-mailed him
Selena: OK
me: I don't think there would be a deadline
Selena: well i replied all so
he usually says "two weeks"
me: anyway, it won't take us long
Selena: and it will run in like...six after picking up
it will take like 30 minutes
me: I'll do mine tonight when I'm finally done with this column
Selena: what column are you working on now
3:32 PM me: I think a good title for the whole thing would be First Date Rape
Selena: HAHAHAHAHA
suggest that then, i lo ve it
me: and then we could have separate titles for our own versions
the column is for Skeptical Inquirer, I do one for them monthly, started last month
3:33 PM Selena: i'm going to call mine "asleep at the feel"
3:34 PM me: lol, very nice
that's good that you've got a knack for wordplay
AS WELL AS SEXPLAY
sfjakjfakfhak;fh;hewuiha;fha
Selena: hahaha thank you
i'm terribly punny
i'm going to punch you with a kiss
you asshole
3:35 PM if i weren't feeling so grouchy right now i'd suggest you meet me for dinner
though we could celebrate this collaboration w/ a couple vodkas.
me: that's very sweet
3:36 PM Selena: shut up
me: I can't imagine that eating solid foods would be the best way for you to enjoy yourself
Selena: are you kidding, i've been eating all day
me: what with the whatnot
Selena: i had some sausage
me: does it hurt?
Selena: and then a bacon cheeseburger
it doesn't hurt to eat
i don't chew w/ my lip.
me: I thought Asians did do that
3:37 PM where do your tentacles come out of?
Selena: my nipples
me: i see
wait a second
you're lying; you're not Japanese
Selena: you're right, i'm chinese, they come out of my feet.
3:38 PM me: lol
3:39 PM Selena: so yeah the good thing is if we get drunk tonight (will we?)
i won't be able to have sex w/ you
which is good bc i'm a terrible lay when drunk.
3:45 PM me: lol
some drug dealers are fucking idiots
3:46 PM Selena: yes, some are.
me: some Puerto Rican dealer I know from my old hood just called me to see if I wanted to buy something
Selena: why, did one give you 20$ change by mistake when he ws supposed to give you 10?
oh lovely, at least it's not a cold call
3:47 PM me: and I was explaining to him that I don't really use anymore and that even if I did I wouldn't buy from him without testing it out first because he often sells worthless shit
Selena: in this economy you've got to reach out
me: and he's like, "Be careful on the phone."
Selena: haaa
me: like the cops are going to monitor some shitty dealer
Selena: well yeah we always used to say "hey i need two tickets"
3:48 PM tickets mean 50
me: he should get a medal for all the worthless skag he slings
Selena: haha
apparently i live two blocks from a huge cop spot
i never knew that
me: also, the ones who ask you if you're a cop
Selena: until my former good friend told me. bc we wer ehanging and he admitted he REALLY wanted to use again
so i punched him in the face
and we went out for beers.
3:49 PM me: that's good of you
I came pretty close to fucking up my life forever myself
3:51 PM if I hadn't quit when I did, would have gotten to the point at which quitting would have necessitated actual rehab and medication and all that
for which neither I nor my parents have the money
3:52 PM although I would have gone on living as an addict and even thriving in terms of my career
but it would have basically required me to make a lot of money and to do so forever
3:53 PM Selena: well what an incentive.
mikey wasn't happy that i hit him
me: and would have most likely prevented me from getting married and having kids
Selena: yeah nobody likes a junkie
sorry
as compelling as you are...
hahah adam gave us a month
what am i going to do, write 3 words a day
3:54 PM me: I've dated girls while being a junkie
Selena: yeah did they KNOW
bc i wouldn't get involved w/ you if i knew
i went on a couple dates w/ this graffiti dude a fwe years ago
and that didn't bug me, i used to be down w/ that shit
but when i found out he was a major junkie
me: I doubt any of them would have been inclined to have kids with me
Selena: i was like peace
me: yes, they know
Selena: even his being in PRISON, not jail, didn't bother me
me: knew, rather
3:55 PM Selena: yeah sorry i don't tolerate heroin
me: grafitti dude?
Selena: it's the one thing that makes me disgusted and really angry
some dude
some guy w/ "mad ups"
from texas
lived here, i met him like in 2006?
went on a couple dates
me: as long as you don't mind my cheap rolling tobacco
Selena: i don't care
me: go on, though
3:56 PM Selena: i won't be inclined to steal your shitty cigarettes.
go on what?
a tangenet?
tangent ???
me: with your story, silly
so Adam just e-mailed us back
we're officially a power couple
Selena: yes we are.
wow
3:57 PM oh the story is, i think i was just too fucked up emotionally
he was a piece of shit degenerate
he told a mutual friend "she's a nice girl"
but we were both like "nah"
i had just broken up w/ my LT live in dude
and they were FRIENDS
well acquaintances
they were both graf dudes
me: not too big on those
Selena: wow let's go celebrate w/ a couple drinks
my treat?
3:58 PM yeah well. i went through a phase.
air force ones
4:00 PM me: sure, sounds good
also should celebrate that I just built a well in Dwarf Fortress
Selena: NO
NO WE WILL NOT
me: I'll celebrate it
4:01 PM you can't stop me
NO MEANS NO
Selena: you can
i'm going to leave here early
i have done ONE THING ALL DAY
me: EXCEPT WHEN IT DOESN'T
Selena: hahaha
me: so, our safe word for all future role playing should be Dwarf Fortress
Selena: did you read the comments on my blog, that "anon in CT" guy is a fucking freak
he has replied earnestly like 5x
and writes me emails :(
OK dwarf fortress it shall be!!!
me: yeah, I figured
that you get a lot of guys on there
4:02 PM Selena: i mean i get people writing me
wanting to know what my deal is
me: who are douchebags and want to meet you
Selena: the usual "let's meet for a drink"
those i demur politely
me: threre's some white knighting going on with this last post
Selena: but this guy i can't even respond
it's like he KNOWS me
or he THINKS he does
and that is scary
some fucking jodie foster/ronald reagan shit
4:03 PM me: lol
maybe he'll shoot someone
Selena: if he shoots, like, mariah carey i'd be OK w/ that
me: if Joe Biden got shot he'd probably say something amusing
also
4:04 PM regarding your concerns about not being a good lay while drunk
Selena: uh oh
me: for one thing, when you pretend to be asleep, for instance, that doesn't really matter
for another thing, even during regular ol' se
4:05 PM Selena: hahah the sleeping thing could have been better if i were properly hydrated
i felt like i was drying up
me: it doesn't matter to me a whole lot if you're just laying there as opposed to engaging in crazy Chinese sex moves
4:06 PM particularly if I'm fucking you from behind
I have this weird fetish, you see
Selena: uh oh
me: whereby I like to put my penis
in girls' vaginas
and as long as that is accomplished, I'm satisfied
Selena: do you not care about the hole's owner's satisfaction???!!!
4:07 PM me: of course I do
you were saying you're a bad lay when drunk
Selena: well, #2 reason why i suck at fuck when drinking: i can't have an orgasm!
oh so as long as i let you stick it in it's cool? ha ha ha
me: I'm saying, don't be concerned on my account
well, we'll do whatever it takes to get you a drunk orgasm
I also have a lot of trouble coming
Selena: well i'm saying we should probably also fuck when sober
4:08 PM or at least when I am
me: when I've been drinking
of course
Selena: bc it is so easy for me to have an orgasm
as long as i haven't been drinking
hahaha
this is such a dumb conversation
me: lol
so, anywho, I'm down for meeting for a drink later, just give me a ring
4:09 PM Selena: OK does it matter what time
me: nope
Selena: bc i'm like, three drinks and then i should go home
will you come to my side
me: I'm just working on stuff today
Selena: ha ha ha
OK
me: to your side?
Selena: like my side of the BQE
me: oh, gotcha
sure
Selena: meaning we can go to clem's or something
i'll call you w hen i'm leaving here.
me: I'm down for whatever
word
4:10 PM Selena: OK well for now let's tentatively say 6:30?
me: I'll bring my laptop, we can brainstorm and amuse ourselves
plus I can show you my various accomplishments...
Selena: oh yeah we can go to the bar downstairs
me: ... in DWARF FORTRESS
Selena: UGH I HATE YOU
me: no, that's the safe word, I mean stop hitting me and forcing sex on me
4:11 PM YOU'VE CROSSED A LINE
wait, no
Selena: i know what the safe word is!
me: I was really talking about Dwarf Fortress
Selena: wait am i anally invading you? if not, chilllll
me: speaking of which, I have no interest in anal sex
tried it like once with a girl
4:12 PM Selena: it's terrible and boring
me: oh, shit
just got an e-mail
from the New York Post
4:13 PM they want me to go on dates with three women
for their weekly feature, "Meet Market"
they'd asked me about this two months back
Selena: haha
me: originally I said I'd do it, then I changed my mind and ignored them
4:14 PM I would get a free head shot, at least
which I badly need
Selena: would you get a free meal out of it
me: yeah
three free meals
not to mention drinks
maybe I'll do it
Selena: however, dating in the public eye = embarrassing
me: I could write my own article about it
4:16 PM Selena: who writes the actual NY Post article
me: I wouldn't be embarrassed, but I would be concerned about looking like a publicity hound
it's Calla something
no one notable
Selena: publicity is always a good t hing right?
4:17 PM even bad press
me: not necessarily
basically
I'm running this Project PM deal
Selena: well obviously i'm not going to tell you not to do it
it would be a funny experience
me: and I have to maintain credibility
Selena: right.
me: this is akin to reality TV
Selena: ughhh
that's maybe not so good.
if you want a fucking headshot
4:18 PM i have a shit ton of professional photographer friends.
me: I'm trying to think of a good reason to do this
Selena: literally, a SHIT TONNE
who would do it
probably just for the px of film
me: yeah, that would be great, thanks
Selena: my friend zig always wants to shoot me
me: I probably won't do it
Selena: but i'm like 'wah i'm too fat/zitty'
and my friend justin
me: was running it by you as a sounding board
Selena: and dubin
well
i am saying if you want free dinner/drinks 3x
and your name in print (haha)
4:19 PM me: it wouldn't be a terrible thing
Selena: right
me: again, I could write my own article for it
and make it about some more important overall theme regarding media, etc
I'll do it
4:20 PM Selena: i bet they set you up w/ horrible waspy broads
4:21 PM me: could be
4:22 PM I told her I'll get back to her with an answer tonight
Selena: two waspy broads and then like, your idea of a dream girl
me: occurs to me that I could certainly make this something with potential
at least by way of an article, perhaps as a good way to start a relationship with an editor at some pub for which I've yet to write
Selena: as a writing opportunity?
4:23 PM me: a general interest pub, for instance, that might be willing to accept some political/media/Project PM articles down the line
yeah
4:24 PM the odds that I would be interested in any of these females intellectually are about zero to zero infiniti
I'm not much of a mathematician
Selena: HOW DO YOU KNOW!
4:25 PM me: well, I just figure
4:26 PM Selena: well at least be pragmatic
me: at any rate, even if I wasn't seeing you now, i've got an inbox filled with girls who want to date me, so I really don't need some Murdoch-owned property to play fucking matchmaker on my behalf
4:27 PM Selena: hahaha
yes "you're kind of a big deal"
4:31 PM uh i think they are playing DMB in here :(
4:33 PM me: this guy, John Penley, joined up with Project PM a few weeks back and has been helpful in getting the word out among celebrities and activists and whatnot, but he's a perfect example of the worst sort of douchebag liberal
here's his latest facebook announcement
" I am a vet. I just saw a commercial on tv paid for by the Vets Action Fund. The ad says we pay Iran a lot of money for oil and that we need to develop solar, wind etc. energy sources in order to stop funding our enemy Iran. How much oil do we actually buy from Iran ? Who is funding this group ? They must have lots of money so why is that money not going to help Vets ? Inform me please Whats the deal with this group ?"
fucking Google them, you stupid piece of shit
4:34 PM Selena: man vets.
me: and they're using money to try to help the whole country and prevent a war
which helps people who've yet to become vets
Selena: always thinking the world owes them something
haha
i was kidding
me: this is why I'm disinclined to work with hard left folks
4:35 PM Selena: what's the difference
i don't t hink i know what your differentiatons are all about
me: they're almost universally medicore
which differentiation?
Selena: btwn hard left people, blah blah
and regular left
honestly i don't like labels
4:36 PM so i believe what i believe
me: basically, these are the people that conservatives attack and use to paint all anti-conservatives with the resulting brush
I knw
Selena: so are these the so called "bleeding heart liberals"
me: but we need labels in order to express a certain meaning
Selena: i understand THAT
bc under a label is an umbrella of connotations
BUT
by labeling something you are also declaring what you are NOT
me: best to have very specifics labels, for just this very reason
Selena: which is kind of limiting!
4:37 PM which is why i try not to call myself a feminist
i say "i support feminist theories"
me: god
good
Selena: identity politics 101 duderino
me: it's really important to be specific and accurate
Selena: also truth be told i'm probably a pretty shitty feminist
despite studying so much of it
i would be perfectly happy being a 1950's style housewife
4:38 PM me: some large portion of debates arise out of misuse of terms
Selena: well yes
that makes sense
bc everyone's connotations w/ those terms are different
me: well, the sorts of feminists who tend to write for Ms. are ridiculous
Selena: oh god
i don't read ms
but it always struck me as a little too...angry
smash the state stuff
4:39 PM look the reality is, that will never happen. NEVER
again, pragmatic
me: it's fucking jackass nonsense
Selena: i'm aware we live in a capitalist society
that's patriarchal
that's just the way it is
4:40 PM shit will never change, but if we can at least enlighten people
me: god damn, I'm fucking swamped
Selena: i think that will make a difference
me: now got this other thing going on, too
4:41 PM Selena: lo siento senor
what now?
me: my fucking publishr
book publisher
has some wacky scheme in play
I'll tell you about it tonight
Selena: OK
me: he needs me to assist
Selena: assist on WHAT
4:42 PM me: this effort on his part to drum up publicity for an upcoming book
Robert Zemeckis' wife
did some book for him
Selena: isn't that a director
me: How To Live Like a Mistress
Selena: i know the name
me: yeah
Selena: how does one live like a mistress
4:43 PM me: anyway, she's suing him to stop publication as she wants to take it to someone else for more money
no idea
he wants to play it off like there's stuff in the book she decided she didn't want people to know
which is not the case
he's a scumbag
like, he's a giant dumbass
in a lot of ways
Selena: didn' they sign a contract
me: yeah, but there's a loopwhole
4:44 PM Selena: uh she wrote a tell all book
me: loopwhole
lol
THAT IS NOT CORRECT
anyway, this guy
Selena: i know
i ignored it.
me: he's fucked me on a couple of occasions
Selena: how so?
me: I stay with him because it still works for me
well, afte rmy first book for him
Selena: is this a big publisher?
4:45 PM me: I went from Austin to Dallas to meet with him and sign a contract for another book
nah
but he's got some notable authors
he started like eight years ago
anyway
he ignored me for a few months
never gave me the advance
and decided not to do the book
Selena: what a great dude.
me: wouldn't even tell me
it worked out for me though
4:46 PM because I used the chapters I'd written for other stuff
in fact, some 20,000 words made it into my upcoming book
and other portions I used for articles
Selena: well that's great.
4:51 PM me: god damn
4:52 PM had to call this editor I know, talked my fucking ear off about what a big fucking tamale he is because Page Six mentioned him again yesterday
took me like three tries to get off the phone
Selena: hahaha
me: I didn't used to be anywhere near this busy
I don't even have time to respond to attacks, or at least most of them
4:53 PM Selena: pick your battles, as my friend would say
me: he asks for the dozenth time about getting something run on True/Slant
Selena: or are you supposed to reply to ALL of them
me: this editor fellow
and I tell him, again, he has to fucking e-mail them, not ask me
Selena: what is true/slant exactly?
4:54 PM i don't know much about your media stuff, duuuuuude
me: it's this newish outlet based in Manhattan, on their first round of venture capital, they have 250 writers
ranging from well-known folks like Matt Taibbi to obscure, new writers
Selena: well what is its agenda? outline?
4:55 PM me: we get payed a certain amount just for doing at least one piece a month for them
and we get double that if we get 10,000 unique readers in a month
most get $200 base, I get $250
ends up being $500 because I easily get 10,000 uniques
and doesn't take any more than a couple of blog posts to get those uniques
4:56 PM plus I retain rights to all work
so I run it at Huffington Post as well to get more publicity or whatever
and can later delete them, tweak them, and sell them elsewhere
so it's a great gig
4:57 PM they get more than a million unique readers altogether now
just began running ads recently
4:58 PM Selena: oh wow well very nice!
5:05 PM me: also
5:06 PM they'll be assisting with Project PM
had phone meeting with one of their execs a while back about it
5:08 PM Selena: even better
sorry my firefox is acting up here @ work
5:15 PM Selena: man this computer @ work is like, the worst
5:29 PM me: OH MY GOD
as if I didn't have enough on my plate already
a FORGOTTEN BEAST has appeared
in this giant cavern I'd dug into in Dwarf Fortress
5:30 PM Selena: wait sorry i had to restart stupid ffirefox
me: ACO NOMARTHUDEL
Selena: what is going on now
me: lol
dwarf fortress
Selena: what?
me: attacked by giant crazy immortal ancient monster
which was randomly generated
it's a beakless stork
5:31 PM with branching antennae
Selena: um
that's creepy
me: and excretes poison vapors
dude
this thing is going to fuck me up
Selena: so like, any dude who drinks beer & eats ch ili, i get it
me: I'm so excited
ba dum dum CHA
5:32 PM Selena: you are overly eager re: a computer game
yeah i know, i made so many bad jokes
me: okay
this is going to be a serious deal
5:33 PM here I was, kind of bummed out about not having had any real action here
and now, a FORGOTTEN BEAST!
So, the New York Post really wants me to go on three dates for their weekly dating feature; I've been thinking it over for a month now, and told the woman I'd give her an answer by morning. There are obvious pros and cons to doing this; could probably write a good article about the experience with some respectable theme regarding the media or some such, and it would be nice to have food and alcohol paid for by Rupert Murdoch (I believe the Post loses money each year, and I'd be happy to help them do it). I need some input, my treasured Facebook friends. Please show me the way.
oops
I meant to paste FORGOTTEN BEAST over and over again
accidentally pasted my facebook update
5:34 PM Selena: what is a forgotten beast
HAHAHAHA
i was like wait
why are you retelling me this story
you are confusing the shit out of me
5:35 PM me: it's one of the random creatures that Dwarf Fortress generates when it generates the world
and runs the world for 10,000 years to create the world you play in
5:36 PM this thing will have spent all that time doing its thing
I guess I will do that date thing
Selena: i think you want to do it
me: because I can tell all my dates about Dwarf Fortress
Selena: as you can't find more reasons to NOT do it
than to do it
thusly you should proceed
me: and write an article about the results
yeah, I do kind of want to
5:37 PM If I can't make something out of such a thing, I don't deserve to be a writer
Selena: "the blonde recoiled in horror when i went into greater detail about the dwarf fortress"
"had she been able to, i think she would have disappeared into the plush velvet of the banquette"
"instead, she sat there, rigidly, eyes rolling wildly despite her greatest attempt to keep them focused on me."
there, i wrote 1/10th of it
5:38 PM "absently she fiddled with the pendant of her alex & chloe necklace before slurping down the remnants of her apple martini, not even finishing her gulp before motioning to the server for another"
5:39 PM wait, that was me on friday
5:40 PM me: due to my dwarf fortress discussion?
you really don't find it interesting?
even the world generation aspects?
Selena: hahaha i do and i don't
me: think of it
Selena: no
me: meh
Selena: hahaha
look man 99% of broads are not going to be fascinated by it
5:41 PM your best bet is to find some overweight socially awkward WoW playing loser
me: did you ever read any science fiction novels?
Heinlein, Asimov?
Selena: NO
me: the actual good ones?
Selena: again, i repeat: NO
me: do you know who Heinlein is?
Selena: nope
me: he predicted and helped to bring about the sexual revolution
Selena: really, how so
5:42 PM me: see, I'm not talking about whatever you're thinking sci fi to be
obviously I wouldn't read crap
Selena: well no i did not think THAT
me: read his Wikipedia entry
Robert Heinlein
he's one of the most important figures of the 20th century
Selena: OK
sheesh
5:43 PM me: back then, sci fi authors were people who actually engaged in real adventures and almost always were huge studs
sci-fi was tied to psychedelics, counterculture, sexual liberalism
Selena: yeah well unfortunately
now the connotations are not so sexy
me: both Asimov and Heinlein assisted in developing clever ways to fight the Nazis
5:44 PM from the Naval Observatory at Annapolis
Heinlein was also one of the first military pilots
Selena: OK, you have made a very good astute point
me: and a master swordsman at Heidelburg University
this crap today
Sci Fi Channel
and these shows with very attractive lead female characters
shitty dialogue
5:45 PM Selena: that's not real sci fi?
me: catering to absolute zeta male idiots who aren't nerdy in smart ways, but nerdy in terms of absolute failures as men
qualifies in the genre, but
the golden age of sci fi was 50 years ago
5:46 PM Isaac Asimov, for instance
my uncle used to publish some of his general interest articles at a mag
he is also the most prolific writer in history
Selena: wow OK this heinlein dude is pretty cool.
me: has books in every dewey decimal system category
yeah
I'll give you some specific suggestions regarding him
5:47 PM we can go to The Strand some time soon, in fact
I need to go anyway
Selena: really? OK.
5:48 PM so i'm going to leave here in like...20 minutes.
can you meet me at like 6:45?
i am going to have 3 drinks and go directly to bed.
(sans you)
(sorry)
5:49 PM me: okay
give me a ring about 15 minutes before you get there
5:50 PM also, what place, have you decided?
Selena: it takes me fiv eminutes to get there from the train
yeah we're going to bruar falls
it's at 245 grand street
btwn driggs & roebling
just walk all the way up towards the BQE on S3rd
when you get to marcy, make the right
you'll hit grand
me: and you're going to buy me a drink, eh?
Selena: make the left
yes
i said i would
you're what, a struggling writer, zzz
hahaha
5:57 PM Selena: OK leaving soon
like in 15 minutes
me: god, this penley guy is a moron
Selena: so just meet me there at 6:45
me: word, will do
5:58 PM Selena: guys named penley usually are
did i tell you the name
me: guy's a fucking idiot
Selena: bruar falls
me: well, his name is John Penley
Selena: 245 grand street, btwn driggs & roebling. i think you are smart enough to find it.
me: yeah, I used google maps
know where it is
Selena: that's actually the bar i live above.
ha ha ha.
me: will meet you there at 6:45
word
Selena: OK
6:00 PM bahahahah i should feel bad
but i don't
bc now i'm mad
but the fucking old dude i was seeing
the 50 year old guy
he just admitted he read the article in the NYpress
and i can only surmise he read the blog
(i didn't ask about THAT)
and all he said re: article is "it's interesting"
and i said "thanks, you hate it?"
and he said "interesting means interesting"
6:01 PM and i said "most people say 'it's funny/good!' or at least 'it's not my style but it's really good.'
and he wrote back "you hav a very natural writing st yle"
and i just replied "shut up"
i hope he falls off a cliff
6:05 PM me: I think that was intended as a compliment
Selena: no now he just wrote "it's entertaining and humorous but you handled us like you were 12 years old and that colors things"
me: natural writing style probably means, in contrast to stilted or affected
Selena: NO
i'm perceptive as shit
me: oh
Selena: and i know he's a salty little baby
me: well, ignore him
it's a damned good blog
6:06 PM and I'm not just saying so to be nice or anything
Selena: i should write back "you're also 50 years old, grow a set and shut up, you can usually tell when a girl doesn't like you if she doesn't call you back after five days"
"grow a set" is my new favorite stupid insult
me: I wouldn't be asking you to partner with me if I didn't think you were a very proficient writer
god damnit these chumps keep e-mailing me
Selena: well i am v. flattered by that.
6:07 PM and i want you to know that you shouldn't be asking me simply bc you want to bone me
me: fucking idiots
Selena: bc i think those two things should be kept WAAAAY the fuck separate
me: I don't do that sort of thing
Selena: OK.
just saying.
me: first of all, I'm already boning you
I would never compromise my work in order to obtain sex anyway
6:08 PM my work is by far my most important pursuit, far more important than myself or friends or girlfriends or family or anyone else
6:09 PM Selena: good.
me: would not contaminate it by partnering with someone who's not at least very good
Selena: excellent.
well then i stand relieved
me: so, don't worry about that
plus, you should be able to tell that your work is good without me or anyone else telling you
6:10 PM I'm sure you do
just being a little modest
Selena: i know it's not bad.
6:11 PM i mean my writing is the only thing i know i'm good at
(that and blow jobs)
and the latter won't get me paid...(in the long run)
6:12 PM me: yeah, that's why we should spend some significant time working
Selena: well you are the professional
and i am pleased to uh, work beneath you.
god that sounds horrid
me: oh, I'll bring that writer's market guide
Selena: what is that?
6:14 PM me: 2009 market guide, contains contact info and other info on thousands of publications
plus other things, like annual essay contests, grants, theater and film producers, etc
Selena: oh wow
OK!
alright. i'm leaving.
i will see you in a half hour.
me: word, see you in half an hour
ZOMG JINX LOLOL!O!L@O