| Subject: Chat with Selena Leong |
| From: Selena Leong <selenaleong@gmail.com> |
4:47 PM me: so, you can't see me tonight, then?
Selena: what would you want to do?
me: well
we could hang out
drink beer
Selena: i'm being a lazy shit and watching "whip it" right now on my computer
me: play dwarf fortress
4:48 PM Selena: HAHAHAHA
ow my face
me: finish my column
you better stop laughing
I'll try not to be amusing
Selena: i can't
the dwarf fortress thing has me constantly cracking up
me: it is a pretty comedic name
Selena: it's HORRIBLE
me: I'M PLAYING DWARF FORTRESS
Selena: STOP
owww
me: lol
Selena: to know that you are sitting around
me: sorry
Selena: investing hours
4:49 PM in this low resolution game
it kills me
me: this is my only means of recreation
Selena: you need some other form of entertainment
me: well, I shoot hoops
right now my friends are watching this terribly-scripted fucking show
made by producers of the wire
Selena: i'd offer to do that with you but poor depth perception + general inathleticism =
me: that's okay, I prefer to shoot alone
4:50 PM Selena: what show is that?
i liked "homicide: life on teh street"
the precursor to "the wire"
me: it's about New Orleans, don't know what it's called
about musicians
Selena: oh god
could there be a groupof people LESS interesting to make a show about
me: I can't help but make fun of it while they try to watch
dialog is fucking atrocious
whole thing is just over-produced and under-scripted
Selena: are they insisting that you leave?
me: no
4:51 PM Selena: "listen you naysayer, get out"
"barrett if youdon't shut up we're gonna shut you up for you"
me: they know how I feel about bad shows
they can't help but know because I won't shut up about them
Selena: nobody likes bad telev-oh wait, i do
me: fucking Mirna loves it
Selena: i watch CSI miami
bc it is SO TERRIBLE
me: yes
Selena: but i think the writers know
me: I get to see all the law and orders due to Mirna
Selena: i am SURE they are aware of how bad it is
me: yes
Selena: hey hold up
4:52 PM L&O was once a venerable franchise
me: I'm sure
Selena: years ago
criminal intent was originally pretty OK
so was SVU
me: basically, I get irrationally enraged by the mere thought of people watching certain things
Selena: but i think whoever is writing for SVU must be stoned or hate intelligent dialog
me: they're all amoral junkies
I think
Selena: haha wait what!
me: or they're just scumbags
4:53 PM unless they're really trying their best
Selena: wait who are the junkies
me: so, can you not have sex due to your mouth?
Selena: the writers?
me: the writers
Selena: OMG stop i'm cracking upagain
owww
well i can't kiss you
which puts a huge damper on things
and i can't give you a blow job, which again, kind of sucks
4:54 PM me: I don't really care about blow jobs
Selena: i would be some useless one hole blow up doll
what DO you care about
me: the vagina is pretty important
like, sexual intercourse
Selena: OK
that is pretty important, yes.
me: you can just pretend you're a prostitute who doesn't kiss clients on the lips
Selena: i think taking away some of my ability to create tactile sensation deprives both of us of pleasure though
me: an asleep prostitute, lol
4:55 PM Selena: hahaha you really liked that didn't you :(
hahahahahah
me: yes, it's not the perfect situation
but whatever
anyway, I want sex
Selena: well i would feel kind of shitty about it
hahaha
i wouldn't be performing up to my full potential
4:56 PM also i look like fucking jabba the hut
me: I don't care
Selena: well *I* care
me: if you're not down for it, that's cool
but my position is
that I want sex
Selena: at this moment, i think it might be something we should avoid
me: fine
Selena: and i would happily grant you such desires
had that stupid dog not eaten my face
me: yeah, the dog is a dumbass
4:57 PM Selena: well, yeah. though i guess it's my fault
i should know better than to get all kissy face w/ a strange dog
me: he gets freaked out sometimes
Selena: yeah.
so it's my fault and i accept that.
and i kind of don't want you to see me looking like i got doored
me: is that the problem?
Selena: that i look like a monster?
it is partially
4:58 PM but i am such an orally fixated person
that a mouth injury is REALLY problematic
i would be lying if i said i were not at all concerned about looking like a mangled beast
me: very well
Selena: i went to my friends' house yesterday to play poker and i felt so dumb
4:59 PM however, since i know mouth wounds heal up fairly quickly
esp. bc i had a stupid monroe piercing a few years ago
i should be OK in a couple days. minus the scabs all ove rmy nose.
5:01 PM me: the terrible dialog damages my brain more when I'm stoned
I sense it more strongly
and I'm really stoned now
Selena: what recourse have you for recovering brain capacity
5:02 PM me: dwarf fortress
Selena: oh god
my lip is about to explode bc i can't stop laughing
you are cruel
5:04 PM me: yep
5:05 PM Selena: is from behind your preferred sexual position?
5:06 PM me: yep
but I'm up to be converted
Selena: is that because it is kind of impersonal?
5:07 PM me: no
because it's more sexual
by virtue of being sort of animalistic
Selena: oh yes right you said something like that
humping like two wild dogs
that's the appeal to you?
me: or at least, makes participants more aware of the primal nature
Selena: you enjoy being as real?
me: of the sex
yes
Selena: yes sex is primal
BUT
5:08 PM it has other uses
blah blah to bring people together emotionally
me: I agree
this is just one of the aspects
Selena: i mean i spent years only able to have an orgasm while on my back
and actually
i still haven't had one w/ someone else while on all fours.
or on my stomach
5:09 PM it's been all...er, self induced
so obviously i am ALL FOR practicing w/ a real life human being
5:10 PM me: yeah, I read that on your blog, I'm down for all positions so whatever works for you
Selena: hahaha how noble of you
to offer your penis to me
5:11 PM me: I post a message on the commentator Juan Cole's facebook page asking if he's ready to ee something about the project he'd requested and he clicks the "I like this" buttom
instead of, like, replying
Selena: maybe he doesn't know how ot use FB
me: it's likely
he's a professor
Selena: why don't you just send him a message
if he's older than 35 he probably isn't the best at FB
me: I did
Selena: hmmm
me: he has a crazy e-mail inflow
Selena: why don't you call him.
ah.
me: probably will
Selena: well he'll get to you eventually then.
persistence!
5:12 PM me: I know, just the I like this was amusing
5:13 PM Selena: or he's passively avoiding you
5:14 PM me: nah
he's interested in joining the project, I've talked to him via phone before
for like a while
5:15 PM just works as professor, blogger, Tv pundit, other stuff, extraordinarily busy
Selena: so basically he's you but worse
me: just being a blogger is pretty damn time-consuming
yeah
Selena: throw in "professor"
me: I spend most of my time fucking around
Selena: somehow you get paid to fuck around.
5:18 PM some guy just sent me a message on OKC calling me a snot!
me: actually writing a piece now involving the fact that one has to spend a lot of time fucking around on the internet in order to understand what's going on culturally
a snot?
why?
Selena: yes a snot
bc like, months ago we were talkinga bou tmeeting
but he seemed kind of like a loser alcoholic
also he said he was a writer blah blah
5:19 PM and i don't know, i guess i wasn' feeling it
so i just said uh i'm busy, sorry
and cut to him sending me a msg weeks later "i don't like you anymore, you're a flake"
so i wrote back "i'm not too broken up about that"
i mean come on, what else am i supposed to say
his response was "oh and a snot too"
5:20 PM i'm like, this dude is 35 years old
thanks for being a passive aggressive child to tell me you don't like me
bc i was perfectly content to forget you completely as you did not register
5:21 PM does that make me a snot?!
me: a lot of guys are wacky crybabies
Selena: well when he said that he spends most of his time at a local bar
called it his KITCHEN, if i recall correctly
that was like OK, i'm out, this guy is a drunk
me: drunks are awesome
Selena: and hey don't get me wrong, i too am a drunk
i'm a drunk
5:22 PM but i don't want to date another drunk.
i'm the fuck up here, goddammit
me: I understand
Selena: i can't be with someone who is MORE fucked up than me!
oh also he lives in jersey
5:27 PM me: lol Jersey
Selena: yeah well
i'm a snot
5:37 PM me: now I'm going to play dwarf fortress at Union Pool, zomglol
laterz
Selena: hahaha