Chat with selenaleong@gmail.com

"One time, she asked me to go to the nearby cafe to get her a coffee and a cookie. When I returned, she threw a tantrum, insisting she could never drink from a medium sized cup."

12:20 AM plus she was convinced i had eaten like thousands of pussies

12:21 AM me: 've been transitioning off my antidepressant after several years of being medicinally placated and what I've noticed is my sex drive has returned. With a vengeance. Like, it is Steven Seagal and penises are the bad guys who raped and killed his teenage daughter

I mean, it's not like I only want to be fucked while on my back; I'm not a goddamn turtle.

12:23 AM me: nice and quiet, usually Mirna's here watching some nonsense TV show while I try to think or write

me: consulting with my various people, jotting down notes, etc

selenaleong: i'm curious to learn what kind of sandwich it was.

12:26 AM unless it's a BLT, most sandwiches can go fall off a cliff

selenaleong: well wait 'til you hear my stance on raw onions.

selenaleong: i just think of it as a hip happening music/food city

selenaleong: "music: don't forget your earplugs. get drunk on booze. whee, what fun."

me: it was terrible, and I was always an interloper back then

12:30 AM i thought how sad it would be for me to go sit in the restaurant alone

selenaleong: i also realized i forgot to go on a job interview

selenaleong: since i was wearing a ripped tee shirt and cut off denim shorts...

me: "He kept asking, "Is this pussy mine?" and "Whose pussy is this?" and I repeatedly muttered, "Yes" and "Yours, daddy" respectively."

selenaleong: (i can only surmise that it was the two latter)

me: I got suspended and nearly expelled from high school for conducting a threesome in the girl's hotel room during our school paper's trip to New York in 10th grade

12:36 AM they would have expelled me but couldn't prove anything

me: I explained to officials that the alternative would have been to sleep in room with acne-scarred fucking zeta males

me: and, like, the school bad boy only by virtue of it being a pussified school

selenaleong: is it a real threesome if the two girls don't eat each other out?

selenaleong: oh i get the feeling you are quite a dirty bird.

12:39 AM selenaleong: i mean you probably were a coke addled monkey

me: did everything else but never had a problem with any of it

selenaleong: i'll refill your drink when you're not looking.

12:42 AM me: she works at that damn law firm and then comes home and watches six hours of law and order while stoned

selenaleong: it makes me want to eat a bag of doritos home alone on the couch

i developed my xanax habit by joking to my doctor "i should smoke more pot"

me: also, you must be the one girl on chat roulette that all those guys are trying to find

me: "Continuing with the safety theme, we need to discuss how to screen out creeps and serial killers."

selenaleong: i have met some real interesting characters off CL

12:47 AM selenaleong: if you would like to conduct an experiment on the general illiteracy of the american populace

12:48 AM selenaleong: oh. right. home of the people who thought it was a great idea to tie a black man to the back of a pickup truck and drive a couple miles

selenaleong: how do you get into college not knowing how to write a complete sentence

when i applied at lang i asked the adviser "so you think i'll get admitted?"

and his reply was "i don't know, can you afford it?" ha ha ha

just blind institutions that develop like water flowing downhill and collecting in a pool

got some gigs and also a copywriting job with AOL when I was 18

12:51 AM me: nope, but I did give a lecture at Rutgers a couple months ago

selenaleong: that's really impressive since i totally had you pegged for an over educated academic

me: took tests at new embassy, was 1998 when other one was blown up

me: was always furious about being there under someone else's authority, made sure that would never ever happen again

selenaleong: would you go back now? just for shits & giggles

there are certain legitimate subjects that schools can teach

selenaleong: because it might be like hanging out with a comedic act all the time

12:55 AM selenaleong: people who are on 100% of the time, oh god go die in a fire

me: He has a fetish for "shiny things" including baby oil, lip gloss and leggings

me: what do you think about a guy with those sorts of fetishes?

selenaleong: i flake on about 79% of the people i write with

what do i think? i think that's OK i guess, people enjoy what they enjoy

12:57 AM selenaleong: if he had a diaper fetish, probably yes

selenaleong: so i showed up wearing no underwear just to be an asshole

me: like, he told Mirna and another friend of mine, "You guys, you can't trust the news stations"

12:59 AM when she like held him from behind at some bar or grabbed him or something

about how he was uncomfortable being held on his right hip because of "something that had happened"

me: but at any rate, I don't want dumb pretty guys around me

selenaleong: but this is a fucked up thing to say but who hasn't been molested, ha ha.

me: chat roulette is a pretty wondrous thing to have all of a sudden, we don't even think of it because of all the wonders that keep coming

1:03 AM like i'm that much of a voyeur to watch some fucking losers

me: well, I try talking to everyone, always fine some interesting person in France or China or here

me: You could describe him as "dark and brooding" but that usually comes with the territory of being an eastern European. We met up for supper at a local cafe where he had a watermelon salad (he was amazed by the combination of fruit, feta and mint despite me telling him it was a classic combination)

selenaleong: i don't need the safety/anonymity of the internet

me: that's funny, an Eastern European intellectual ordering watermelon salad

me: America takes Eastern European intellectualism and breaks its legs

selenaleong: also afterward i was convinced his cat had fleas and bit the fuck out of me

selenaleong: i KNOW, i'm saying, it was hot, we had fucking salad

me: never had watermelon salad, and I'm from the state where they sell watermelons on the side of the road, and I'm not dark and broodin

me: it just made me laugh over and over again to think about it

1:08 AM did you answer a lot of the stupid Q's for the matching algorithm

me: because I got this message from this pretty young girl who asked me some question like, "Don't you think that your taste for Dostoevsky contradicts all the Hellenistic stuff you're into?"

me: then told my friend Josh and he, too, engaged in a bit of laughter, he did

me: then we tried to think up other phrases to totally ruin any potential relationships

selenaleong: i wrote someone and said " you have a weird face like you should have lived during the french revolution"

me: I told another that she looked like a Dostoevsky character and was probably a Sphinx

because then we would actually end up talking about shared interests

1:13 AM me: the thing is that in New York a male can afford to sacrifice potential mating for a quick and hilarious joke

and then the rampant wannabe-creative class faggotry of the heteros

1:15 AM selenaleong: bahahahaha man you are one embittered fart

1:16 AM me: I just don't have much respect for these Williamsburg males

me: I was hanging out with this girl for a little while like two months ago

she was fucking nuts and I stopped hanging out with her pretty quickly

me: went to these "parties" where men paid to play with the girls' feet

had one client who had him over, told him to bring his glasses

and had him try on various pairs and tell him about how they felt, what he saw

1:20 AM me: and he was like, "I can't see anything, none of these are my prescription"

he just sat on his bed and watched the guy watch porn and jacked off

me: I don't know, there was a mini civil war going on in editorial

1:23 AM me: I remember one of the tech guys was smoking outside and saying that nerve was getting all the "buzz" that myspace or something used to get

1:25 AM i use it to remind myself that i am socially quite endowed

1:26 AM me: I mean socially, I'm working with a bunch of them but don't really talk to them

although I tell all of my romantic and sexual quandries to this gay editor I used to write for

selenaleong: well that's all you need, a few good confidantes

I was diagnosed with it back in the days when people were constantly diagnosed with it

1:30 AM me: so, you have a good relationship with your parents?

me: "Am I reclaiming myself? Or am I just distracting myself from the true issues at hand?"

selenaleong: the fact i was a piece of shit drunk for the past five years?

me: it was a choice between going on like that and potentially failing or going through withdraws and then having everything I want

me: I had a Puerto Rican gang selling weed out of my apartment

me: yeah, but I was at this time far crazier than the dealers

me: keep in mind that this was all going on while I'm director of communication for a PAC

1:37 AM me: and Skeptic and all sorts of other respectable shit

selenaleong: your ability to achieve all that while being a piece of shit is...just amazing

and my mom was coming up to get a hotel room for my birthday and all that

me: snorting for a year, shooting for half a year additionally

selenaleong: well. i am glad that portion of your life is pretty much over.

me: towards the end, I was plotting to kill this guy who was himself a 17-year vet of upstate for a double homicide

and that was pretty much the point when I realized things had gone too far

me: just have a lot of criminal behavior among males of my family

me: sort of naturally inclined to it, so have to be doubly sure to go the opposite direction

selenaleong: maybe you find life so boring and people so stupid that you purposely create fucked up situations

me: perhaps, but a lot of it was just incidental to heroin lifestyle

selenaleong: as i am not too familiar w/ heroin lifestyle, i shall take your word for it

1:43 AM me: but anyway, I'm now drinking chocolate milk and listening to classical music

me: try to basically do now what would make my mom happy if she saw me

selenaleong: what, i was going to make a tee shirt w/ the entirety of this conversation on it

1:46 AM selenaleong: i'm going to sound stupid and say "who?"

me: well, I don't think one is stupid by virtue of not knowing a certain author

me: including concepts that shocked me into doing the project

selenaleong: who am *I* to tell you to change your entire sartorial expression

1:51 AM me: again, I'm not into hunting, this is just an important cultural aspect from which I come from

1:53 AM me: now, yes, he was intentionally absent when I was a kid

me: he told me he wouldn't see me again when I was like seven