Subject: Chat with Joshua Hawkins
From: Joshua Hawkins <josh.r.hawk@gmail.com>
To: barriticus@gmail.com

me: what irritates me
Joshua: what's that B
me: and you know how hard it is for me to get irritated
me: is on OkCupud
Joshua: well...
Joshua: go on
me: all these girls in their little profiles
me: tend to put a single word in, repeated, for humorous effect
Joshua: yessssss....
me: like, what do you like to do?
Joshua: like whizzle wuzzle?
me: sailing, drinking, reading, going out, drinking, whizzule wuzzle, drinking lol
Joshua: lololol
me: GOOD ONE
me: I GET IT
me: YOU'RE A PARTY GIRL
Joshua: lol - party
Joshua: toga toga toga
Joshua: bzzzzz
me: also, I get tons of matches, girls clicked a button saying they like me, but then rarely respond when i send a message
Joshua: what messages do you respond with
me: and TED girl dumped me because I was not sufficiently affectionate and interested in her
Joshua: also, most girls are probably more overwhelmed with messages than you are - at least you would think
Joshua: even though she was dating other guys
Joshua: how much attention does one person need
Joshua: ?
me: Catalina seems to have resumed her romance/UFC match with black neurologist fellow
me: that's what
me: explained to her
me: that she had said and done several things that disinclined me to be all "serious"
me: like having sex with guys
me: and encouraging me to date other girl
me: s
me: anywho
Joshua: yeah - whatever
Joshua: plenty of fish barrett
me: I gotta go out with blonde Jewish girl from Connecticut, I guess
me: got my new system all set
me: up
Joshua: sweet
Joshua: system?
me: gonna go to events for Scallywag and Vagabond for the dates
me: free, high-end dates
me: free drinks and food
Joshua: sweet - can i come too
Joshua: ?
me: of course, I was going to invite you
Joshua: i have a few still on the hook
me: THIS IS MY FRIEND JOSH HE IS ERE TO HELP ME IF I GET NERVOUS
Joshua: i disabled my account for the time being
me: yeah, I figured you've been going on a whole bunch of dates
Joshua: yeah - i burned out - i still kept a few on the hook
me: right
Joshua: i might get back on if i run out of ones in stock
Joshua: so, when are you doing the S&V dates
Joshua: any soon?
me: was going to do one last night but, you see, new Dwarf Fortress came out
Joshua: i've got two white girls, one latin, and one black that i need to entertain
Joshua: say what?!!?!?!???!
Joshua: ZOMG
Joshua: lol
me: and I'm not entirely excited about this white girl I was goona take out
Joshua: why not?
me: voice irritating
Joshua: i hear that
me: she's Jewish
me: still
Joshua: what's not to like
Joshua: ?
me: maybe I should give her a shot
Joshua: i meant to say that in a jewish accent - like a joke
me: I got it
Joshua: a "shot"
Joshua: lolsosiojhiohg
Joshua: alright, gotta work now
me: hmmm
me: My Self-Summary
The exquisite balance between the objective and subjective can be observed from a diminutive enzyme deep down in our inner most genus, all the way up to a scientist using illustrations to better understand her work. I find myself walking precariously upon dendrites that impersonate tight ropes as if I knew a god damn thing about balance.

me: okay, I will allow you to work
me: I'm just saying is all
Joshua: what the hell is that
Joshua: is that your my self-summary?
me: from profile of a girl who likes me and abut whom I am understandably ambivalent
Joshua: agreed - yeah...
Joshua: how old is she anyway
me: 25 or something
me: I'm not really going to puruse her
me: I would meet her only if it was convenient, like at Union Pool or on my couch
Joshua: word
Joshua: so, what's on the books for tomorrow mr brown?
me: nothing 'tall
me: so, I understand that I'll be spending at least a portion of next month at your residence
me: perhaps you have heard of this development by means of the grapevine?
Joshua: not yet - when will that start?
me: the first or thereabouts
Joshua: are you guys moving or something
Joshua: ?
me: I guess John is in charge
me: yep
Joshua: he hasn't talked to me ina few days for some reason
me: and I'm going to be moving somewhere else eventually
me: how odd
Joshua: i c
me: anyway, I'm relatively loaded, so I'll buy lots of groceries and liquor and whatnot
Joshua: loaded for the winter
me: while you work your fingers raw finding me an apartment
Joshua: just like the ants
me: lol j/k!1
Joshua: lolol
me: IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY
Joshua: you'll manage
me: so, I get your room on Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays...
me: during which I will turn it into my rave chamber, hang plastic necklaces of marijuana plants and put in colored light bulbs....
Joshua: barrett?!
me: on that uncontradicted and thus established and legally solid note, I should get back to work