| Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña |
| From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com> |
9:16 PM Catalina: internet!!
9:17 PM this older woman came by to look at the place
apparently my male roommate is moving out next month
i dont like her
id much rather live with a guy
9:18 PM well i dont know where youre at
i hope you are alive
im going to sleep
i didnt sleep at all last night
a little bit of skag keeps me up
me: yo yo
Catalina: i need a lot to sleep
9:19 PM oh you are alive
me: was just finishing up an article, didn't hear you IM me
Catalina: unless this is mirna
or is it myrna?
me: STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN BITCH I'LL CUT YOU
Catalina: ok its barrett
9:20 PM me: like I said, stay away from Carl, I love him
Catalina: haha
i know
he told me
he loves you too
me: but is he in love with me?
Catalina: yes
9:21 PM me: shooting skag in 3, 2...
Catalina: jealous
me: oops
trying again
Catalina: i know
you cant be done that fast
it usually takes you a while to find a spot
9:22 PM me: done now
I've gotten a lot better
for a long time I didn't know a couple of aspects
also, my veins have recovered
9:23 PM With her girlishly playful yet stiff delivery, her raunchy lyrics, and the spare electro beats that surround them, Uffie draws comparisons to female MCs of the '80s like the ladies of L'Trimm and Salt-N-Pepa. Born Anna-Catherine Hartley in Miami, FL, Uffie moved a lot during her childhood, living in places including Hong Kong and Fort Lauderdale; by the time she was 15, she and her father had settled in Paris. She became involved in the city's dance music scene after dating DJ Feadz (whom she met when she booked him for a party). The pair began making music together and released their songs via Uffie's MySpace page starting in 2005.
9:24 PM Catalina: whatever!
i can take her
9:25 PM me: and I can take feadz
9:26 PM and also uffie when she's done kicking the fuck out of your spectral self
Mexicans can't fight
Catalina: why would you say that?
i can fight
9:27 PM and i have no fear of getting hurt
i am a fighter
they dont call me "lina da baddest bitch" for nothing
me: I don't remember Carl ever coming over here in need of herion and an ice
9:28 PM Catalina: carl weighs about 100 lbs morre than me
did you give me ice for my face?
i dont remember that
me: nah, I offered it though
9:29 PM Catalina: did i take it?
i guess not
see i dont need your damn ice
thanks for offering
i should tell your girlfriend just how affectionate you are
me: I actually wasn't making a serious point that you were defeated by Carl, I understand that he's in a higher weight class
no, girlfriend broke up with me
9:31 PM thing is, she had decided that I wasn't going to seriously pursue the relationship
and started going out more with this hipster guy who is far more "emotionally available" than I
9:32 PM so, even though
I announced myself to be willing to, like, go steady and park our car at the top of the cliff and pet with her and no other girls from class
9:33 PM it's too late, because as of last week she decided I would never love her
9:34 PM and is now going steady with her new main squeeze, the captain the of the hipster team
9:37 PM who lack my incredible intelligence and is presumably not the founder of his own secret society
WHERE DID YOU GO DID YOU DIE
9:38 PM wait, you're a ghost
anywho, talk to you later, ghost girl AKA ghost face killeh
9:47 PM Catalina: im back
had to talk to that woman
shes not getting the place
Ko and I decided we dont like her
9:48 PM me: what's her deal?
Catalina: shes just old and uptight
me: now I imagine her to be like the French lady
Catalina: i told Ko about my last roommate and i dont want to be in that situation again
me: even before you jut said that
okay, I will ask who Ko is
9:49 PM Catalina: hes my roommate
i thought i told you that
me: oh, I thought imaginary friend
Catalina: he is a figment of my imagination
haha
me: I see
Catalina: exactly
me: now
read all my gossip about me
Catalina: no, really he is my asian accounting guy roommate
me: that I wrote above
Catalina: i did
9:50 PM your girlfriend broke up with you
me: ah, good
Catalina: because you are a bad boy type
and not the captain of the homo team
me: so, I figure she'll come crawling back
Catalina: or emo team
or was it hipster?
same difference
9:51 PM she will
me: when she realizes how much less fun it is to date such a guy compared to a guy who secretly does heroin and is thus able to fuck her for 4 hours straight
Catalina: after she gets tired of that whimp
me: not to mention all of my less covert good qualities
Catalina: i will pretend you did not write that
me: good, keep the secret safe
9:52 PM seriously, though
Catalina: i know
me: she's chosen him over me only because she already
9:53 PM made a decision last week before talking to me
you should see the e-mail I sent her today before we spoke tonight
Catalina: also because at some point she probably wants to get married and have a family
and you probably dont
me: I totally made it hard for her
9:54 PM Catalina: well, show me the email
me: she's going to be thinking about it in the back of her mind
ok
it is perfect
Catalina: everything you write is perfect my dear
me: the problem is that it's so perfect that it confuses me, perhaps it's what I really believe
9:55 PM Howdy-
I'm assuming that you've probably decided that I gave you too little, too late, and I understand why you're disinclined to continue any sort of romantic relationship, and I'm sorry that I've caused you to make this decision. I know I'm going to miss out on something tremendously wonderful because I didn't do what a man should do when he finds someone like you. I didn't even realize exactly how I felt about you until the last day or so, when it started to become clear that I really did fuck up by not expressing this or even entirely understanding myself. It does hurt, but I'll get over it. Hopefully, next time I meet someone whom I quickly grow to care about, I'll do something different.
I'm sure you'll be happy and will continue to be successful no matter what. I will ask that you not cut me out of your life; I'd like to see you and talk to you occasionally. I owe you a couple nights on the town if you'd ever like to take me up on it; I'm going to be jealous for a while, but I promise you that I can be both fun and jealous at once, as I've had practice. Note that Mirna and I had a romance years back and that remained very close friends afterwards; I really do want to be friends with you as well.
9:56 PM Catalina: you do feel that way?
you have feelings?
you now what you feel?
know
9:57 PM me: as I said, I've never been in tune with my feelings, particularly regarding girls, as I understand them and people in general so well that I can't resist manipulating them by way of my rhetorical skills
okay, this is more e-mail now:
9:58 PM First, I'd like to say two things that I should have told you weeks ago, and then I'll be reasonable and and let it go.
Fucking you was always incredible; I don't recall ever having felt closer to another person than I did when we went about it gently, and I don't recall ever having. Aside from the affection I had for you due to your intelligence and your keen understanding of the things I consider to be most important in life, there was the physical. Your brown skin is perfect, your face is so pretty and so expressive during sex that I couldn't help but open my eyes and look at it, especially when you would sort of nod over and over, giving me approval for what I was doing to you at a given moment. I could never get enough of your tits, your ass, and your waste, could never sufficiently caress an of them. I was a fan of your freckles.
[editor's note: obviously, sentence that ends "ever having" is error]
9:59 PM Standing in the kitchen while you made dinner and trying to "help" a bit will be among my happier memories. That's one of those seemingly little things that ended up being very important to me. I'll also long remember the time not long ago when you came over here and we drank vodka and discussed information flow and related subjects until Mirna left, at which point we moved to the couch.
Even if it didn't last long and ended prematurely due to my own self-absorption and my failure to give you what you deserve, I'm glad we were together. I consider this year to have been a success so far insomuch as that I spent a portion of it with someone more wonderful than any other girl I can recall.
It would be a nice consolation prize if you'd agree to go for a drink with me sometime soon, and let me be at least a small part of your life for some time therafter. Give it some thought.
10:01 PM so that's it
and then she called me a few minutes after I sent it
in what passed for a very sad voice
10:02 PM insomuch as that I was nodding off a bit from earlier skag shot
10:03 PM also told her that I would behave and not less jealously interfere with anything, like me trying to discredit her new boyfriend
which is a lie
Catalina: brb
me: brb haunting
10:14 PM Catalina: ok
so what did she say
whats next?
are you guys still going to talk
10:22 PM me: sorry, was shaving in preparation for hot date
with John Ruiz
we talked, she was very sad, essentially I had said all of the things that would have prompted her to remain with me had I said them a week ago
10:23 PM but she's with this fellow now
said she usually dates guys who are super intelligent but emotionally unavailable, like me
but that she wanted to do the opposite this time just to try it out
10:24 PM Catalina: you cant force yourself to be into something youre not into
i try all the time
it doesnt work
10:25 PM anyway if you have no girlfriends left ill be your girlfriend
and you can be as unavailable as you like
and i have a no touching rule
10:26 PM anyway so shell come back to you
10:27 PM cause that other guy sounds clingy
or whimpy or something
old man called me and read me almost a whole chapter from his text book
wtf?
10:28 PM then he wanted feedback!!!
me: yeah, I would imagine that he is, and she admits that my bad boyness - at least the minor stuff she actually knows about - is attractive
Catalina: like i was paying attention
me: Carl is weird
Catalina: it is
attractive
your bad boyness
10:29 PM me: what's with this no touching rule? You know that's only going to be enforced when you're not drunk, you were asking me to come make out with just a couple nights ago
Catalina: i know
thats my sober rule
duh
me: I spit on your no touching rule and will also put saliva in your mouth for good measure
to put it grossly
Catalina: gross
that is gross
me: okay, gotta go meet Ruiz
laterz
zzzzzz
Catalina: ghost girl has to rinse her mouth now
have fun
10:30 PM put saliva in his mouth
me: a gentleman never tells