| Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña |
| From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com> |
10:23 PM Catalina: internet at home! yay! its like the 1990s in my apt!!!
me: sweet, you should buy some CDs
Salt n' Peppa
10:24 PM Catalina: i was thinking eminem
me: he's still relevant
Catalina: oh
me: he speaks to white men
Catalina: he speaks to you?
me: about our problems
all of us
Catalina: well you know who speaks to me?
uffie
10:25 PM me: SELENA
Catalina: like today i was gonna give up on running
me: but then uffie encouraged you?
Catalina: but i thought "time to get low, do the tootsie roll"
10:26 PM me: it's very inspiring
Catalina: also i like it when she says "my clan gets vicious"
my clan gets vicious too
more like Klan
me: I have trouble seeing her clan actually getting viscous
Catalina: you and Caleb
me: Caleb and I are homosexual racists
10:27 PM Catalina: did you know youre in my klan?
me: I just assumed
by virtue of my viscousness
now I can send you links to interesting things
Catalina: thats right
me: I bet you'd like to read Trucker Fags in Denial
it's a comic
10:28 PM Catalina: i bet i would
me: I think my girlfriend A dumped me
Catalina: is it about you?
why?
the black girl?
me: for not being sufficiently affectionate
Catalina: she found out youre racist?
oh
me: only a quarter black
Catalina: see thats crazy
cause i think youre very affectionate
10:29 PM but then again i think anything that isnt hitting is affection
not true
i think hitting is affection
me: very well
I think I know what to do then
PUMP IRON
10:30 PM Catalina: how many girlfriends do you have left?
me: (pumping iron)
Catalina: you do need to do that
me: I don't think I have any
I have reserves
Catalina: how are we gonna sell our CD with you standing behind me looking all skinny
10:31 PM no one is going to walk by and think "that looks like a vicious klan"
me: I don't think DJ Feedz or whatever the fuck his stupid name is is particularly healthy either
they will if I'm hitting you
or just saying hurtful things
Catalina: i dont know what dj feedz looks like
10:32 PM sounds like a fat guy
me: I saw him once
he's a rat-faced frenchman
Catalina: i didnt know he was french
all the french are rat faced
you ever saw my ex-rommate?
me: nah
the old lady?
Catalina: yes
me: nope
10:33 PM Catalina: she was french
and rat faced
little mean beady eyes
me: what the fuck does she do again?
Catalina: she claims shes a french tutor
me: what is she doing in our country?
by which I mean my country
Catalina: i dont know
yeah its not mine
i am a citizen though
me: sweeeeeet
10:34 PM let's join the Army
Catalina: nah
i am eating goldfish, thats pretty white of me
but i cover them in hot sauce
10:35 PM so thats pretty mexican of me
me: but the bulk of the snack is white
Catalina: and i eat them with chopsticks
that way i dont get hot sauce on my skin
10:36 PM which would cause a rash
which is again pretty white of me
me: YOU DON'T WANT TO GET HOT SAUCE ON YOUR SKIN THAT'S NOT WHERE IT GOES
yeah, it is
white people are always avoiding things
various outcomes
out of pussiness
10:37 PM Catalina: not you though
10:38 PM me: I know, I am an outcast among whites
Catalina: so did your girlfriend have a talk with you?
me: yeah, on Sunday
10:39 PM I've got both communists and fascists on my facebook now and they've spent the day faggoting it up
like World War II
and I'm England
Catalina: want me to talk to her? ill tell her how affectionate you are
ill give her examples
me: yeah, lol
I was just going to say, give her expamples
Catalina: like that weekend you took care of me and shot me up
10:40 PM it was so sweet
and we watched porn
me: right
it would be less affecting if I told her
Catalina: didnt you have an all white girlfriend?
10:41 PM what happened to her?
me: I had a couple
Miriam counts, I think
and before that was the redhead
and this Australian
Catalina: why? you guys hooking up?
me: no, I meant a while back
Catalina: oh
me: I cut her off when she went nuts
10:42 PM as is my custom
Catalina: girls go nuts
its our custom
me: yeah, but not in a fun way
in this case
Catalina: its never fun for the guy involved
10:43 PM me: there are different levels and categories
Catalina: how did she go nuts?
me: first she pretended that she hadn't known that I'd been seeing other girls
and did so in front of her friends at a party
10:44 PM and ran off to go be crazy
but I let that go
Catalina: ooooohhhh
miriam
me: right, right
Catalina: not mirna!
makes sense now
me: yes
Catalina: you need to get girls with different names
me: I'm trying
Catalina: try harder
10:45 PM me: there were only those two and now one's of them gone
Catalina: so you still have 1
me: one is fine
there is no name confusion
Catalina: you are in a monogamous relationship
me: but no, I have no GFs primed
Catalina: how sweet
me: no, I'm not
10:46 PM like I said, I think Shanna is dumping m
Catalina: you only have one girlfriend
but she hasnt
me: she said she had to think about it
Catalina: you better be affectionate quick
me: I tried
Catalina: how?
you punch her?
me: I told her that I really liked her, etc.
no, I don't want to be too forward
10:47 PM that was two days aho
she's supposed to get back to me
Catalina: when are you guys talking again?
oh
me: but she's now got this hipster guy who will indeed revolve around her
this really crackerjack hipster
so it may be too late even though she likes me more
10:48 PM Catalina: i hate hipsters
me: apparently I "scare" her
by way of my alleged bad boyness
Catalina: how?
hahaha
me: I have no idea
Catalina: you are as gentle as a lamb
shes crazy
unless she knows about the drugs
and other girls
me: she doesn't even know anything I may have done
nope
10:49 PM Catalina: well you need a different kind of girl
you need a girl that likes that sort of thing, like me
10:50 PM if someone likes me too much i run away
if someone acts like they dont like me, im hooked
me: sorry, I wasn't paying attention; mugging someone
10:51 PM Catalina: ha
me: SMACK
Catalina: i hope it was your girlfriend
thats so hot
me: doesn't carl like you a lot?
wait, what happened to carl?
Catalina: he doesnt act like it
me: ok
Catalina: nothing happened to him
were not back on
10:52 PM although we did make out the other day
but thats it
me: how odd
Catalina: and it was after i slapped him and he threw me down
but he didnt hit me
its crazy
we so ghettp
ghetto
me: lol yes
10:53 PM Catalina: and its not odd
you stopped talking to miriam altogether?
10:54 PM she would have stuck around im sure
sounds the type
me: yeah, I don't like her, though
she was like a convenient chew toy when I was getting off heroin
same with redhead
Catalina: thats so romantic
the red head is the science girl?
10:55 PM me: yep
Catalina: ok
i dont remember her well
and i am sorry about that
sorry i seduced you with my junkie ways
me: lol I'd already broken up with her
Catalina: in front of your girlfriends
me: she just kept coming around
Catalina: there should be a card with that on it
10:56 PM me: that's what e-cards are for
Catalina: true
its too late to send you that one
im sure there will be others though
10:57 PM me: I liked your thank-you card
Catalina: good. i hope you keep it for ever
along with my naked card
little naked ghost girl card
10:58 PM me: yes, it is perched in a threatening manner on top of my books
and you do look like a ghost
Catalina: that bitch probably went through my stuff and saw it
10:59 PM me: or you may have ghostlike qualities
Catalina: so do you then
lets be ghosts
me: maybe she has weird European medieval beliefs and thinks that she actually did rent a room to a ghost and was of two minds on the subject
Catalina: my name can be ghost face killah
11:00 PM haha
me: then that is what I shall call you
I'll be
Catalina: your name will be casper
me: very good
11:03 PM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nvivEqxjsI&feature=related
11:04 PM this is to teach girls how to to end to their duties
there's another teaching boys how to identify and avoid homosexuals
Catalina: haha
im watching now
me: both are very goo
11:05 PM Catalina: did you ever watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJxmGxY37jI
11:07 PM or this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeT45BELVzY
11:09 PM catching the gay
thats so funny
me: dirty germans
Catalina: cause i always say that
i say that about fat people too
me: good
but you want this one
Catalina: i dont hang out with fats cause i dont want to catch the fat
the gay?
i do
11:10 PM me: no, no, silly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4enfUyGWSY
boyth beware
11:11 PM there's another one here about what to do on a date
Catalina: i wish i had watched these sooner
then i wouldnt be a junkie whore
well im not
a junkie prude
me: your celibacy isn't helping your whoredom
Catalina: thats more accurate
11:12 PM i know
i must have watched one of these movies growing up
thats why i have all those issues
me: I don't think you did
11:13 PM or you'd be able to plan a party
Catalina: well i didnt watch that particular one
me: oh
oh
oh
that's the best one
the good-natured meeting between three girls planning a social function
11:14 PM with their notebooks and penmanship
Catalina: turns you on huh?
haha
the older guy showed him pornographic pictures
me: no, it makes me forget the existence of all sexuality
Catalina: hilarious
a sickness of the mind
me: THEY WERE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS
they keep saying
that
no shit
11:15 PM what's he going to call the kid?
Professor Kid?
Catalina: payments were expected
haha
thats so hot
me: that kind was hustling in exchange for, like, going fishing?
some baseball cards?
Catalina: see the party planning one turns me on
me: kid was clearly a fag anyway
Catalina: i dont know what that says about me
11:16 PM me: that you have a sickness of the mind
Catalina: clearly
me: you should ask them if they want to go fishing
Catalina: i told you i creep girls out
theyd all run away
11:17 PM me: I like how the '50s sucked so badly that little fucking baubles and knicknacks were considered to be of some value
and things like fishing at a fucking dried-out creek were exciting enough to get some boy to lower his guard
Catalina: haha
11:19 PM the moral of the story is: i need a car
a car is key in making friends and getting people to lower their guard
me: that would make me more frightened
I don't understand cars
11:20 PM and how people are able to drive in them without crashing
plus, faggots drive them
in the '50s
Catalina: a homosexual may appear normal?
no gaydars in the 50s?
me: I feel sorry for the poor sonofabitch they casted
11:21 PM YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR FACE EXHIBITS THE SICKNESS OF YOUR SOUL
Catalina: guess youd be perfect for the part then
11:22 PM me: I don't have a car
or a moustache
11:24 PM Catalina: grow one
me: I will never do that
11:25 PM Catalina: do you grow facial hair?
i dont think ive seen you shave ever
me: unfortunately, yes
it's like razor wire