| Subject: Chat with samantha.sterling@gmail.com |
| From: "samantha.sterling@gmail.com" <samantha.sterling@gmail.com> |
1:52 AM samantha.sterling: i think not napping has totally fucked up my sleep
2:02 AM me: welcome to my world
2:03 AM I'll probably stay up all night as I want to make sure to get to my publisher's office tomorrow to get this fucking check
I just went to go buy a Dr. Pepper in confirmation of this decision
meanwhile, I believe Mirna may be fucking Dot Com at this very moment
2:04 AM and thus pulling him and his celebrity friends closer into my sphere of influence, MWA HA HA HA
samantha.sterling: well done
go mirna
me: she's good with celebrities
2:05 AM fucked one of the Dallas Cowboys a number of times back in the day
samantha.sterling: i wouldn't be proud of that
me: bunch of other stuff I can't remember
samantha.sterling: they have gun and drug problems
me: no way, you are lying
anyway, I also have a history of gun and drug problems
so I can't judge
2:06 AM samantha.sterling: true. i also happen to hate football
me: I hate all sports
I only play basketball for intellectual purposes
samantha.sterling: i used to play basketbal
l
and tennis
2:07 AM and swim
me: insomuch as that exercise is good for the mind
samantha.sterling: and horseback ride
me: yeah, I'm fond I'm swimming
of swimmign
damnit
also rode horses, grandfather had a ranch and so did other extended family members
samantha.sterling: i wanted to play pool
not pool
me: I could be a dragoon
samantha.sterling: polo
but my mom said
2:08 AM we're jewish
jews don't play polo
so i had to settle for the horseback riding lessons and no polo
2:09 AM me: I wouldn't imagine that there is some gene among Jews that prevents them from getting on a horse and hitting a ball with a stick
samantha.sterling: no it's not in the dna
at least, not that i know of
2:10 AM me: zomglol
2:11 AM Allison Kilkenny and I are bitching back and forth about our common enemies
I didn't have any media friends for a long time
samantha.sterling: now you're innundated
me: some guy left this comment on an article of mine the other day
2:12 AM he was trying to give off this aura of being irritated at having to explain something to me that I clearly already knew
and he actually wrote, (sigh)
I mocked the fuck out of him for that
2:13 AM then some other commenter took it from there
(sigh)
samantha.sterling: hahahaha
me: anyone who does that in a written debate is a fucking douchebag
he was trying to "explain" theology to me
told me to read some
2:14 AM at which point I would assuredly learn how wrong I was to write what I had written
whereas in fact my first book deal with theology and in fact attacked our most eminent theologian William Dembski
who attacked me twice in return without actually attempting to refute any of my points regarding his shitty theology
2:15 AM this dog is constantly reacting to non-existent threats
like children playing in the hallway
he growls at them from inside the apartment
well done, half-chihuaha that no one respects
2:16 AM samantha.sterling: half-chihuaha?
me: and half-something else
no idea
2:17 AM samantha.sterling: man-beast?
2:18 AM me: nah
time for some strawberry ice cream and Dr. Pepper
samantha.sterling: lovely
2:19 AM me: I was extraordinarily underweight for a while due to my horrid lifestyle so starting in January I had to start eating ridiculous things
2:20 AM I figure I need 5 more pounds
samantha.sterling: well in that case, put some other shit on top of the ice cream
me: I don't really have anything appropriate except for bananas
2:21 AM which are only empty vitamins, as they say
samantha.sterling: yeah i was thinking more along the lines of chocolate sauce and candy bars all chopped up
me: I should have got some candy
samantha.sterling: gummi bears
me: I used to do amazing things with ice cream in high school when I still smoked a lot of weed
and my mom always had ice cream
2:22 AM plus various other things appropriate for ice cream
and I would eat it all in bed with soda
samantha.sterling: fantastic
me: my mom used to write cook books back in the day
2:23 AM plus those novelty books like "Joy of Sisters" that they have next to the cash register at chain bookstores
samantha.sterling: hahaha
she's in texas right?
2:24 AM me: very much so, yes
you heard her accent on that YouTube clip I sent you, right?
she also used to be a flight attendant
samantha.sterling: hmm. which clip was that?
me: and was Ms. Weslaco 196X
the one in which I put on my new cowboy boots and talk like an idiot
2:25 AM samantha.sterling: oh yeah
totallly
me: and she's all like "Oh my gaaaawd, they ARE broken"
she's precious
samantha.sterling: i forgot about the cowboy boots
oy
2:26 AM what would happen if someone stole all your cowboy boots?
me: I would acquire new ones by way of my network of family members who have access to cowboy boots at all times
so don't bother
2:27 AM samantha.sterling: who me? i would never do that!
i don't believe in stealing
we're cool as long as you don't wear the hats
me: yeah, but many females believe in altering my dressing habits by any means necessary
2:28 AM samantha.sterling: ha
you don't wear the hats, do you?
me: no, I don't wear hats at all
I would consider it just as a provocation against the local male douches
2:29 AM samantha.sterling: hahaha
me: one time
samantha.sterling: fair enough
if you wear the hat, you must find a large texas belt buckle as well
me: when my friends and I were moving from the Puerto Rican/black part of Bushwick to the hipster enclave about a mile away
we carried my friend's big bull skull over to the new place
2:30 AM as we left our hood, we prompted a series of mini-parties as everyone expressed appreciation for our giant bull skull with its magnificent horns
2:31 AM and then, as we proceeded into the douchebag crackerjack non-testosterone enclave
we were given nothing but dirty looks
samantha.sterling: i can imagine
2:33 AM ugh my head feels like it's going to explode again
2:35 AM i'm going to take some codeine (sp?) and try to get some sleep
2:36 AM me: word, good luck
I'm going to stay up all night eating candy
samantha.sterling: i like it!
2:37 AM talk to you tomorrow