| Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña |
| From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com> |
8:17 PM Catalina: dont die on me
me: fine
Catalina: if you wind up dead ill be really pissed
me: me too
Catalina: so tell me more about this cia stuff
8:18 PM by the way i am sitting at my desk topless
just thought id add that in
still celibate though
me: I think that counts as having sex
in some religions
anywho
Catalina: haha
8:19 PM cybersex
i think we just had cybersex
or 2nd base
me: the CIA or at least some folks with State Department creds
or a combination of the two
8:20 PM is hassling the admins of Wikileaks, which publishes classified info from various governments that is leaked to them via anonymous whistleblowers
they were tailing them to and from Iceland
where they were supposed to be helping to draft legislation that would make Iceland a safehaven for info deemed illegal elsewhere
8:21 PM Catalina: ok
me: so that we could have servers there publishing, say, classified military secrets
Catalina: im following but cant pretend to know anything at all about this
me: anyway, one of them was detained for a day
a computer was confiscated
they were shown photos of themselves from their past meetings that were taken god knows how
8:22 PM and they sent out info to this effect via their twitter feed
but no media outlet was covering it
Catalina: so?
me: even though they've been more than happy to run some of the info that Wikileaks has stolen for them
well
on the 15th
8:23 PM Wikileaks published a secret/nontel doc from Army intelligence talking about proposed plans by which to fuck up Wikileaks
which must have really pissed off a lot of people
and then the other night they were being fucked with by US intel
and no one knew exactly what was going on
8:24 PM so I wrote it up for True/Slant and HuffPo
and made myself $250 by way of all the hits I got since I was the only person reporting this
eventually it got covered by a few other outlets
anyway, that's why I was doing the radio interview today
Catalina: oh
8:25 PM cool
me: still don't know what happened to the wikileaks guys, though
Catalina: when did you have time to do or know all that
i thought we were fucked up all weekend
wow
me: I did it yesterday
Catalina: you are amazing
oh
me: I did other stuff during the weekend
mostly for Project PM
which I was able to promote further by way of this CIA thing
8:26 PM and get new recruits
including some hacker fellows
also, now I've got what appears to be another, even better scoop on secret CIA ops by way of an anonymous informant with at least partially verifiable info
8:27 PM actually, only part is a scoop
some of it seems to have been reported by a single local newspaper in Nevada
8:28 PM but I've decided to just fuck with all the intel agencies I can as much as possible
Catalina: ok
i dont know the ramifications of all this
but dont die
like i said ill be pissed
me: I won't, I'm hard to find
8:29 PM also the CIA doesn't care
Catalina: umm... sure you are
for carl you are
haha
me: how so?
Catalina: he couldnt get to your place
so you are hard to find
me: oh, right
well, there you go
I'm untouchable
Catalina: and i have no idea where you live because you waited for me outside the subway stop
8:30 PM me: it's really not hard to find at all
Catalina: and i dont remember most of the weekend
me: I bought you a car
Catalina: thanks
me: to match mine
Catalina: i believe i also had a child i sold for crack
me: license plate says "HERBENZ"
Catalina: right?
me: yeah, got it right here
type for mommy
8:31 PM momy i luv yu wy leev me here
heartbreaking, really
Catalina: cause crack makes me feel better than you do
obviously you dummy!
me: what if I rub my groin in crack?
8:32 PM or, better yet, smoke it myself
Catalina: huh?
me: oh, you're talking to the imaginary baby
didn't mean to interrupt
this child was supposed to save our marriage
what fools we were
Catalina: crack saved out marriage
besides im already married
to caleb
8:33 PM you can be my celibate lover
me: does the guy who's cheating on his wife with you and cheating on you with another female named Catalina know that you have an imaginary marriage to a guy in Texas
?
Catalina: hes met caleb
8:34 PM in fact caleb asked him to arm wrestle
so yes
yes he does
me: ok, I must return to my other chat with new girlfriend A
I told her I was getting a phone call from my editor
Catalina: whateve
me: so, the lies begin
Catalina: im your wife damn it!!!
me: I know, I'm cheating on you
8:35 PM Catalina: as long as i know you can do whatever you want sweetie
i just hate lies
also i am celibate so i dont blame you
and i am very serious about it
me: plus you're celibate-cheating on me with Caleb
8:36 PM and probably Larry
Catalina: go talk to your girlfriends hubby
me: it's easier to celibate cheat than actually cheat
Catalina: i think caleb is celibate too
me: well, he lives in Tyler
Catalina: though maybe not by choice
haha
were awful caleb frenemies
me: Caleb and I have a long history of frenemieism
8:37 PM Catalina: and im his wife so its to be expected
me: fag tried to steal my 6th grade girlfriend behind my back
Catalina: ok
go have fun with your blackies
me: this one's white
Catalina: haha
good for him
what??????
me: he wasn't successful
Catalina: a white one?
me: yeah, I'm upgrading
Catalina: now or then?
you have a white one now?
me: this was in the 6th grade
yep
8:38 PM Catalina: i was never informed about this
i am not sure i approve
me: this is a recent development
Catalina: i dont like intraracial couples
me: we talk about The Gap
Catalina: i dont approve
whatever
8:39 PM i am so upset about this i am going to withhold sex from you
so there!
go have fun doing your wtr
me: I'm going to withhold premature ejaculation from you, then
8:40 PM Catalina: actually i better leave work now
im hanging out with my friend jared
a JEW!!!!
so there
me: you win this round
Catalina: ill talk to you tomorrow
me: word, yo