| Subject: Chat with samantha.sterling@gmail.com |
| From: "samantha.sterling@gmail.com" <samantha.sterling@gmail.com> |
12:13 PM samantha.sterling: hi
me: howdy
samantha.sterling: how goes it?
me: it goes quite well
12:14 PM writing for the New York Observer now
and conspiring against various nation-states
but enough about me
got a manuscript question?
samantha.sterling: not yet. i haven't had a chance do to any reading. my mom's been visiting from out of town
12:15 PM me: wait, sorry
was confused
"Sterling" is the name of my book publisher
samantha.sterling: ah
me: haven't had my coffee yet
samantha.sterling: haha
i'm samantha from okc
you gave me your gmail
12:16 PM me: ah, yes
samantha.sterling: i thought you were talking about one of your articles. you sent me a bunch of different links to read
me: gotcha
sorry, have a massive inflow of information going on, was doubly confused
12:17 PM samantha.sterling: i hate you now.
just kidding
me: still think of you by your okc name
samantha.sterling: you can call me srsnyc if you want
me: that's okay, too hard to pronounce
how was your weekend?
12:19 PM samantha.sterling: it was as good. dinner with dad, a strange night out with friends, and then my mom arrived yesterday. went to see an off broadway show in the w. village about a guy who was born catholic who eventually converted and ended up becoming an orthodox jew. it was called circumsize me.
very funny.
how was yours?
12:20 PM me: what was the cause of the strangeness?
mugged by Freemasons?
12:21 PM samantha.sterling: i think that would be very anti-freemason of them. no, it was just the group of people, the locale, and the type of alcohol comsumed
me: absinthe?
samantha.sterling: i wish
that would have been more fun
me: bathtub gin?
12:22 PM samantha.sterling: moonshine
me: I should probably stop guessing
samantha.sterling: haha
no
let's just say it was very VERY cheap wine
it came from a box
12:23 PM many boxes actually. it's a long and not too interesting story
me: one sec, brb
12:24 PM samantha.sterling: k
12:26 PM me: okay, back
sorry, was writing an e-mail to one my new recruits
samantha.sterling: jesus you're busy
me: am running a conspiracy
samantha.sterling: i imagine you sitting in some type of home made war room
me: sort of, yes
it's my living room
samantha.sterling: with papers and post it notes and stuff all over the place
me: but it does function as a war room
12:27 PM nah, all on the laptop
samantha.sterling: ahh technology
me: I do have a notebook, though
and a pen
my mobile command center
like G.I. Joe
samantha.sterling: hah
me: except better
samantha.sterling: much better. he's small and plastic.
me: check this out
12:28 PM http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/gawker/2009/06/Picture_5.png
samantha.sterling: ok
should i know him?
12:29 PM me: this is Michael Wolff
no, you'd be better off not knowing of him
I've been asked to discredit him by way of my first article for The New York Observer
the guy is a douche
12:30 PM also, look at him
look at that fucking guy
samantha.sterling: he looks very douchy, it's true
me: in 2005 he predicted that blogs would pretty much disappear by the end of 2006
oops!
samantha.sterling: haha
me: this week he is speaking at a conference in London about the future of the internet and news
12:31 PM samantha.sterling: maybe he'll predict that by the end of 2010 there'll be no more news
me: I'll have to check
he also is co-partner in Newser
12:32 PM which is this news site
"internet news site," they call it
which brings absolutely nothing to the table
so he is my competitor
insomuch as that I am launching my own internet-oriented information cartel
OH SHIT WHERE DID YOU GO DID YOU DIE
12:33 PM samantha.sterling: i did die, yes
me: oh snap
samantha.sterling: i am now talking to you from the next world
me: good, you will be a valuable resource
anyway
he also writes for the same Vanity Fair blog that I do
samantha.sterling: i like the idea of an information cartel
me: so I'm pretty much breaking up with Vanity Fair
12:34 PM samantha.sterling: good fuck them. they don't deserve you.
me: they're corrupt anyway
they wouldn't run a piece I did on Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen because he's a "friend of the magazine"
so they're part of the problem
samantha.sterling: assholes
me: it's going to be a nasty breakup
12:35 PM samantha.sterling: but you've already moved on
you have the observer
me: incidentally, I apologize in advance for having only a narrow range of interests and thus conversational topics
I was already cheating on Vanity Fair anyway
so, what do you have going on these days?
12:36 PM samantha.sterling: in comparison to you, absolutely nothing of major importance. :)
i volunteer
me: for what?
samantha.sterling: an animal rescue org
i used to work in tv
i quit my job at mtv because they were the devil
me: good
12:37 PM they're irritating, too
remember that MTV news from back in the day?
Kurt Loder?
samantha.sterling: haha
yes
i do love vh1 classic
me: I've got no substantial objection to him but his demeanor was really faggy and irritating
samantha.sterling: they still show old music videos
12:38 PM me: that's good that they show videos on occasion
samantha.sterling: that's all they show, pretty mcuh
much
me: I remember when there was this VH1 channel on SUPER SPECIAL SATELLITE TV that showed only old '80s videos
my friend orgasmed over it
rightfully so
samantha.sterling: tell your friend to watch vh1 classic
me: that's the one
samantha.sterling: 136 on time warner cable
12:39 PM anyway, other than the volunteering, i do yoga, read a lot and i'm contemplating other jobs
i used to be a writer
a long time ago
me: he actually just moved back down to Texas to take a job as a producer at an NBC affiliate in East Texas
who sort of writing?
and would you teach me yoga? My grandma does it but she lives in Mexico or something
12:40 PM look how fast I can type oh hai Samantha how's it going I'm doing pretty well myself lol hai
samantha.sterling: i did some short fiction. then i was working on an autobiography. i decided to make it into a screenplay, then back into a book. then i got mad at it and spit it. not literally. just haven't worked on it in awhile.
yes you type very fast
good for you
me: HOORAY
so you've still got the manuscript
12:41 PM or whatever it is now
samantha.sterling: yes
yeah it exists
but everytime i think about it i get angry
i made a few movies. those were good.
me: I know what you mean
movies, eh?
samantha.sterling: short ones, yeah
me: are they online?
12:42 PM samantha.sterling: actually they aren't. they should be. people tell me that. but i'm weird like that. i like to present them to people.
me: I see
samantha.sterling: with backstory and shit
me: you could incorporate back story into the presentation
like, have an intro
just text
12:43 PM samantha.sterling: yes i could
me: can you make videos?
samantha.sterling: yeah
me: by which I mean can you use that sort of software?
by which one edits and creates little clips?
samantha.sterling: haha yes
me: I see
samantha.sterling: not super well, but yes i can
it's been a few years
12:44 PM i got my MA in media studies
my BA was in film and linguistics
me: what are you doing for work currently, again?
samantha.sterling: not a goddam thing. it's wonderful
thanks, family
me: ah, good
samantha.sterling: just the volunteering
me: a gentleman, then
12:45 PM samantha.sterling: gentleman?
me: individual of means
all writers used to be that
12:46 PM or they had patrons
12:47 PM samantha.sterling: i haven't heard it used like that in awhile. i guess i'll just say i'm lucky and thankful that my family is supportive of my decisions. but i will get a job soon. i'm not the type of person that will never work.
i'm thinking something in the non profit world
me: there's work and then there's work
12:48 PM samantha.sterling: i want to do something meaningful
helpful the world, in some way
helpful to
mtv killed my soul
me: it's good that they recognize that there is no reason for their offspring to simply work some job in order to support themselves as if that were some inherent virtue
OH SHIT YOU DIED AGAIN
12:49 PM samantha.sterling: i've been dead
me: WHAT IS THE SECOND PLANE LIKE CAN YOU SEE TIME
samantha.sterling: no but i can see you
you really should put some clothes on
me: oh shit
I'm wearing jeans at least
samantha.sterling: more than me
me: very well
naked ghost chick
12:50 PM novelty is sexy
samantha.sterling: yes, they're really understanding about the value of work and the idea that it's about much more than a paycheck
not all novelty is sexy
me: oh, I know
samantha.sterling: i actually never said i was naked
me: no, but I imagined it
12:51 PM and I used to write fiction
therefore
well, actually I proved nothing
samantha.sterling: i'm wearing a stupid looking t shirt
yes, you proved nothing
me: ever read any Wittgenstein?
samantha.sterling: nope, can't say i have
12:52 PM me: he was a German philosopher of the 20th century
was very meticulous about proving every little thing
samantha.sterling: fascinating. and very annoying
me: yes
12:53 PM but there is virtue in that insomuch as that most everyone is careless in assuming knowledge
so there is something to be said for proceeding carefully from the very beginning
samantha.sterling: absolutely
me: there is also something to be said for not reading Wittgenstein
samantha.sterling: haha
how fast do you type? do you know?
me: nope
I use two finger method
samantha.sterling: no way?
12:54 PM me: we had the first macintosh when I was two
learned to type early using text adventure games
samantha.sterling: and you still only use two fingers?
me: yep
samantha.sterling: that's insane
me: I don't know how to do it the other way
also don't know how to snap normally
or tie my shoes
samantha.sterling: you're a freak of nature
me: I wear cowboy boots
yep
12:55 PM samantha.sterling: hahaha
i don't believe that
me: it's true
I will prove it
http://www.youtube.com/user/BarrettBrown?feature=mhw4#p/a/u/0/evYKNozn8wE
samantha.sterling: you can't always wear cowboy boots. what do you wear in the gym? or to do any athletic thing?
me: well, this only proves that I own cowboy boots
I play basketball in cowboy boots
12:56 PM which amuses the local blacks and thus spreads joy and laughter wherever I go
thus I am a hero
samantha.sterling: where are you from?
me: Dallas
samantha.sterling: bye bye
kidding
me: now, now
I didn't say "Houston"
samantha.sterling: i know
me: even we make fun of them
samantha.sterling: but i had a bad time in dallas
12:57 PM me: me too
what happened to you?
samantha.sterling: i have a friend from dallas. i like her. but i hate texas
almost got into a fight with a girl who called me a yankee bitch
me: lol
they like to fight down there
samantha.sterling: have you tried to learn to tie your shoes?
12:58 PM me: I have a method of tying shoes insomuch as that I have occasionally worn sneakers
but the method does not seem to work
I mean, of course I am capable of taking a string or lace or rope and manipulating it in such a way as that it "ties"
but it does not stayed tied
samantha.sterling: incredbile
12:59 PM me: yes, I am truly a genius
HURRR HURRRR HURRRRR
samantha.sterling: hey maybe you are. i am
me: you sound like you are
samantha.sterling: hahaha
was i kidding?
me: you are certainly witty
1:00 PM you may have been half-kidding
samantha.sterling: thanks. so are you.
1:01 PM just because someone types fast with two fingers and can't tie their shoes and is from dallas doesn't mean he can't be a genuis
you should find out
me: how would I do that?
samantha.sterling: take the mensa test
then you'll have more bragging rights
me: pish-tosh
samantha.sterling: i suppose you have plenty to do already
me: thats right, I said pish-tosh
1:02 PM samantha.sterling: i know, i pretended that you didn't
me: didn't do what?
samantha.sterling: say pish-tosh
me: I don't remember saying that
samantha.sterling: naturally
when your mother dropped you on your head those ten times it messed with your memory
1:03 PM me: you should come over some time
we can drink
samantha.sterling: i should. and i will. do you ever come to the city?
me: occasionally
now that it's warm
samantha.sterling: hahaha
me: I have to go in some time soon
my publisher owes me a check
1:04 PM he's a fucking scum bag
samantha.sterling: aren't they all?
me: to some extent, yes
this one is among the worse
there was another one who was absolutely worst
owed me $5,000
I had to track him down to his fucking dojo
in Manhattan
samantha.sterling: cobra kai?
me: where he teaches karate
1:05 PM no idea
wait, no
samantha.sterling: that was a joke from the karate kid
me: it was called something else
ah, karate kid
I just remember the banzai tree
samantha.sterling: i'm filled with useless filmic information
me: and something happening to it
filmic, eh?
samantha.sterling: i think they all have banzais
me: that's a good word
samantha.sterling: brb
phone
1:08 PM sorry about that. yes, filmic is good
gmail doesn't believe it's a real word
but it is
1:09 PM me: I'm tired of this de facto tyranny of gmail and Word and whatnot whereby they put red lines under my words
this is how language evolves
samantha.sterling: it's bullshit
i agree
they're all fascists
me: lol
I love the word fascist
samantha.sterling: me too
all of my enemies are fascists regardless of their particulars
1:10 PM me: we must have the same enemies
samantha.sterling: i don't doubt it
me: incidentally, I have a lot of them these days
did I send you that nonsense thing
samantha.sterling: i used to have more. the yoga helps
you sent a lot of stuff
me: about me being a racist?
samantha.sterling: oh yes
i've not read it yet
me: that was really the most idiotic thing that's ever been written about me
just read the end
1:11 PM samantha.sterling: can you resend the link here so i don't have to open okc
me: here
http://www.theblogmocracy.com/2010/03/20/barrett-brown-another-progressive-bigot-and-racist/
but this is the important part:
http://www.theblogmocracy.com/2010/03/20/barrett-brown-another-progressive-bigot-and-racist/
damnit
one sec
fucking copy function
1:12 PM Brown is not only a bigot against Catholics/Christians, he also is a racist. Keep in mind this intellectual coward called RS McCain a racist for being proud of his White Southern Heritage. Well Mr. Brown it turns out is the real racist and bigot.
Take a look at this punk! He looks like he would fit right in with the Aryan Nation.
(and then they display a clip of me on Fox News having fair skin and blue eyes)
samantha.sterling: that makes no sense whatsoever
me: then it concludes thusly
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Your house has just been smashed and your racism/bigotry has been exposed for all the world to see, Brown!
1:13 PM this is actually a prominent conservative blog that people actually read
samantha.sterling: you need to get yourself on the daily show or colbert report
me: maybe later
next book is coming out in a few months
samantha.sterling: let me know if you want to. i know a guy
1:14 PM me: sure, my publisher wants me to anyway
and it would probably be for the best
samantha.sterling: sure couldn't hurt
after all, you want to be fair and balanced, don't you?
hahaha, get it? fair and balanced?
me: what with the book being a commodity for which money is exchanged and what with me ostensibly receiving some portion of the net profits from that money
I GET IT
1:15 PM I THINK
samantha.sterling: i knew you would
me: I'm pretty clever
samantha.sterling: yes. incidentally, i hate money
me: you'll love me then
samantha.sterling: i'm a closet socialist
me: I'm a de facto proletarian
1:16 PM not by intent
samantha.sterling: haha
no one goes into writing to get rich
me: lol
my friend I mentioned
who's now a producer at an NBC affiliate in East Txas
samantha.sterling: but i gather that you do like the fame thing, eh?
1:17 PM me: just sent me this IM:
A reporter just asked the assignment desk why the police let a suspect show off his tatoos in a booking shot.
samantha.sterling: where were the tattoos?
1:18 PM me: just asked, awaiting response
lol
"On his arm"
samantha.sterling: hahaha
me: as in, a place where they are naturally displayed by virtue of existing
1:19 PM I look forward to all the anecdotes he's going to have
samantha.sterling: texas is a strange, strange place
me: yep
samantha.sterling: keep me posted on those anecdotes
me: when I was born
my dad had just become wealthy via real estate
samantha.sterling: by the way, happy new year to you in the name of jesus
me: he proceeded to spend most of his money on African hunting expeditions
thank you!
1:20 PM and then he was indicted by the feds
for land-flipping or rather a variant on it
as things proceeded
he continued to go to Africa
leaving my mom to pawn her jewelry to make the payments on the house we were living in
(and not the other, much bigger one that he was building)
1:21 PM finally he went bankrupt and had to go live in his old room back in east Texas
my mom divorced him, incidentally
and that is merely one of many bizarre things that I have seen in Texas
samantha.sterling: wow
i'm sorry to hear that
1:22 PM me: anyway, I had lots of cool toys until I was 7
oh, I don't care
I had the Cobra headquarters
which shot a jet out of the middle of it when you pressed a button
it just shot up into the air a few feet and then fell back down on the headquarters
1:23 PM which seems like a design flaw
samantha.sterling: indeed it does
but i'm sure it was fun for a 7 year old
me: indeed
anyway, the point is, yes, Texas is nuts
this friend of mine at the NBC station
1:24 PM his mom dated this fellow who was a big real estate figure in Dallas
and for some reason he sort of served as a father figure to my friend and his brother forever afterwards
he is also a big anti-government libertarian/anarchist
and would send us on various missions
samantha.sterling: to?
me: to transport his gold from place to place, for instance
1:25 PM and when we were 16, to go pick up his anarchist friend's dogs and take them to some other city
samantha.sterling: you must be shitting me
me: nope
samantha.sterling: transporting gold and dogs?
me: gold is big among anti-government types, of course
samantha.sterling: where the hell would you take it to and from?
1:26 PM me: in the case of the gold
it was either to or from Colorado
one sec, lemme ask
1:27 PM awaiting response; I wasn't usually involved in the gold transporting
samantha.sterling: haha ok fair enough
are we talking gold bars, by the way?
and why would dogs need to be moved? taking them to the groommers?
me: also, he put a couple of corporations in my friend's name for purposes of tax law manipulation
samantha.sterling: wow
1:28 PM me: don't remember what the deal with the dogs was
we left Dallas, picked them up outside of Houston at the guy's compound, went to Austin for the night
think we took them back to Dallas?
gold was in coin form
ah
me: where did Roger have you take his gold back in the day?
from or to Colorado?
Sent at 1:26 PM on Monday
Caleb: From Houston or Austin.
I think it was mailed to me from, like, Idaho or something.
1:29 PM samantha.sterling: hahahaha
what ended up happening to roger?
me: I enjoyed my adolescence more than most people
he's actually a prominent and respectable fellow
samantha.sterling: naturally
me: was involved in some capacity in Ron Kirk's senate campaign
not sure why, since Kirk was hardly a libertarian
he was mayor of Dallas, incidentally
1:30 PM samantha.sterling: of course he was
me: on one occasion
Caleb was with Roger at Kirk's campaign headquarters
which was a building he owned
and they were a floor above Kirk
and Roger opens this safe
pulls out a sniper rifle to show Caleb
1:31 PM and is all like, "Check it out, point it out the window and check out this scope"
Kirk is black, incidentally
samantha.sterling: oh no
this isn't going to end well
me: so here's Roger trying to get Caleb to point a sniper rifle out the window directly above the first black senatorial candidate in Texas
actually, nothing happened
samantha.sterling: they were lucky
1:32 PM me: it was anti-climatic, but amusing
samantha.sterling: i hate guns
me: I'm neutral towards them
I had to shoot a lot of them growing up
because my dad is crazy
my uncle, too
who was in Vietnam
and made me learn to shoot an AK when I was like 15
1:33 PM I'll be ready for the civil war, anyway
samantha.sterling: you never thought of enlisting, did you?
me: actually, came close twice, but not for reasons of patriotism
samantha.sterling: why then?
want to see the world?
me: possible component of my long-term plan
1:34 PM samantha.sterling: oh?
me: which I've ended up pursuing in other ways
samantha.sterling: take em down from the inside?
me: nope
would simply give me street cred among certain segment of the population and thus widen my potential sphere of influence
samantha.sterling: ahhhh
yes quite right
me: but those sorts of people
1:35 PM are the enemy anyway
samantha.sterling: they are indeed
it's hard to flip them
me: I should note that I am very eccentric and engaged in bizarre plans
just so you won't be surprised
samantha.sterling: i sorta figured that out already
1:36 PM me: makes sense
samantha.sterling: but oddly
me: I didn't do a very good job of concealing it
samantha.sterling: or maybe not so oddly, it makes me like you more
because it remind me a lot of my hero
hunter s thompson
me: well, I have good intentions, anyway
1:37 PM it's not for personal aggrandizement other than to the extent I need influence/fame to operate
which is not to say that I do not have a base desire for fame
samantha.sterling: for your purposes, fame will help
me: but I have wider purposes in mind
1:38 PM just don't want to give the impression that I am totally noble or at least wrongly believe that I am
samantha.sterling: what is your ultimate goal?
1:39 PM me: well, I'll start by telling you the short term goals
samantha.sterling: ok
me: as the ultimate goal will seem unrealistic without context
1:40 PM actually, I should get back to work for now, didn't realize we'd been talking so long
obviously I like you
give me a call some time soon
samantha.sterling: alright
it's sort of an unfair place to end, but ok
me: I know
but it would take a while
1:41 PM samantha.sterling: that's fair
i know you have work to do
me: I want to talk to you again soon
call me later on
samantha.sterling: i'll give you a call asap. mom's in town so it might not be until she leaves
which is wed
she just happens to be out right now
me: okay, good, I should be done with everything by then anyway
1:42 PM samantha.sterling: if the mood strikes, feel free to call me 404.788.5718
me: I'll call tonight
or, since your mom's in town
call me when convenient
1:43 PM 512-560-2302
samantha.sterling: how do you feel about texts?
me: I don't have strong feelings about them
samantha.sterling: k. some people hate them, so i thought i'd ask
talk to you soon
me: adios
1:56 PM me: one more thing
from Caleb at the NBC affiliate again
:
Caleb: Sent to the entire newsroom via reporter I mentioned earlier:
"did you hear about obama's new mcdonalds value meal on the menu?
you order whatever you like off of it and the guy behind you has to pay for it ; )"
1:57 PM damn liberal media!
you probably remember how the Iraq war was paid for in advance by voluntary donations