Chat with Catalina Saldaña

12:20 PM me: now I'm seeing two black chicks

check and mate, girl with only one black under her belt

Catalina: one more and youll be at my level

12:21 PM me: although the first one's one partly black

me: and actually, the second one's only half black

Catalina: i am still win

and Nonso is a real african

me: yes, but you're not dating Carl

and Nonso sounds like he might be from the future or something

12:22 PM Catalina: then what am i doing with carl/

switch the names around

Catalina: Chukwunonso Enekwechi is from my past

Catalina: only 1 now

me: well, if we count the past, I dated a chick from Rwanda a few years back

12:23 PM plus my ancestors owned slaves

Catalina: i am still win!

12:25 PM oh, but anywho

you know about the Texas nonsense?

Catalina: which one?

me: whereby they're taking Jefferson out of the textbooks?

12:26 PM Catalina: no

me: because he's insufficiently religious?

i hate jefferson anyway

me: the conservatives did it two weeks ago

Catalina: fucking slut

Catalina: they should take obama out too while they are at it

me: so Ellen Johnson, the hot-for-her-age president of the PAC I work for

12:27 PM Enlighten the Vote

Catalina: the present does not exist

me: you'd date OBama if you had the chance, don't lie

Catalina: you dont know nuthin

im moving back to texas

me: I had run some idea by her regarding sending out a press release criticizing the move

you're already white

me: she wrote me back this

Do you know what would be better than all that? It would be to get Atheists on that Texas Board of Education. EnlightenTheVote.com is supposed to do that very thing. Everything else is a waste of time. You have to take over the school board. THAT is the answer.

which is a tall order

Catalina: take over the school board?

me: so, I'm going to try to recruit candidates

12:29 PM Catalina: youve got me on board

although im all for the idea

me: but what I can do is run protest candidates simply to raise awareness, etc

Catalina: so i might be a spy

me: but check this out, my honkey friend

ol' Caleb's the producer at that NBC affiliate

he says if I make that move, he can probably get it covered at that affiliate

12:30 PM so it's been a month and we're already doing super SEKRIT MEDIA CONSPIRACIES

which makes me happy

I designed a personal esoteric secret logo

because Skeptic Inquirer wanted me to have a logo for my column for them

Catalina: you guys are wild

me: yesterday I had a meeting with editor of New York Observer

Catalina: margarita madness!

me: lol margarita madness

they want me to do a bunch of articles attacking various pundits

and they pay ridiculous amounts

like, more than Vanity Fair

12:32 PM it's that pink newspaper that wealthy Manhattanites read

so, basically, my financial problems are over forever

when I attack someone in the Observer, the person I attack will definitely know about it

so now I can definitely hurt people

12:33 PM and cause them personal distress

I am a simple man with simple pleasures

12:34 PM Catalina: wow

well have a dance party

me: I just bought another bundle

Catalina: but only we're invited

me: no one else would come anyway

Catalina: and the only song to be played is pop the glock

me: goes without saying

12:35 PM Catalina: how the fuck do i log off facebook?

12:36 PM me: should be a thing on top right to click that says log off or some such

Catalina: it wasnt there

Catalina: i had to click on "account"

me: if you think of any topics for my skeptic column

Catalina: remember what?

me: let me know, and I will reward you with cash money

word, take it SLEAZY

Catalina: im at Carls place and it sounds like hes getting off the phone soon

ill give you a call tomorrow or something