| Subject: Chat with Joshua Hawkins |
| From: Joshua Hawkins <josh.r.hawk@gmail.com> |
1:00 PM me: Main article: Python (roller coaster)
A few weeks after Python opened in 1976, a 6-foot-6, 340 pound, 39-year-old heart patient died after riding. The ride was advertised previous to this accident with the tagline "I challenged the Python and lived!" This campaign was pulled quickly afterwards.[11]
Joshua: another triumph
!!!
1:01 PM me: On the maiden voyage of the ride Apollos Chariot in March 1999, a stray goose flew into the face of the Italian model Fabio Lanzoni during the 210 foot drop, killing the bird. Fabio survived with only a cut on his nose
1:02 PM Joshua: i saw that on the news the day it happened - that was amazing
1:03 PM his face was bloody and he looked terribly embarrassed
1:12 PM Joshua: Cashanun I tutoucashhash yuckou fufrurievageenundo?
1:14 PM me: WUUUTTT
1:16 PM Joshua: Buvarugrugevageetuttut, itut'suv suvnunowackinungug!!!
lolol
1:17 PM i wrote a program that translates things to double dutch on my lunch break
wow
why did i do that
jhawkins@jhawkins-desktop:~/Desktop$ ruby double_dutch.rb
Barrett, it's snowing!!!
Buvarugrugevageetuttut, itut'suv suvnunowackinungug!!!
Barrett, => Buvarugrugevageetuttut,
it's => itut'suv
snowing!!! => suvnunowackinungug!!!
1:36 PM me: faggot
Joshua: very well
1:38 PM me: n an attempt to end hostilities, Bill Cosby spoke on the NBC affiliate television station KNBC and asked people to stop what they were doing and instead watch the final episode of The Cosby Show.[26][27]
1:39 PM Joshua: i c
1:40 PM is that his wikipedia page
2:19 PM me: got me date the second tomorrow night
with girl the first
also got into an amusing phone altercation with some black guy a minute ago
Joshua: do tell
2:20 PM where's that date
and so on
black guy?
me: got a call from some number, called it back, there was some dead air, guy on other hand thought I was "playing on [his] phone"
and that he'd find me somehow
so I called back for more details
and then there was more dead air
Joshua: i c
2:21 PM me: rendering my polite explanation all the more menacing, I think
so got that going for me
oh, date
I don't know, she just called, said her business trip for TED was cancelled, asked if I would "give her" my Friday night
Joshua: i c
me: like a maiden gives her virginity
2:22 PM FRIDAY NIGHT IS MY VIRGINITY
so today
Joshua: go on
me: you've got to keep me on task
I need to do a little laundry
and prepare notes for tomorrow phone meeting
Joshua: do it, do it now!!!
me: so make sure I do these things
okay
I will start laundry
Joshua: make it happen!!!
2:23 PM hi, i'm andrew and i'm going to tell you what to do.
no time for laundry now - you have to do other things
other things!!!
me: oh shit it's andrew!
2:24 PM Joshua: smoke a cigarette i demand it!!!
grrr
me: too late
have already smoked one
in my day
Joshua: NNNNOOOOOOO
2:25 PM sorry, but we're all out of bananas!
2:26 PM me: fuuuuuuuuuu
I can rock her
like a doctor
if I found a way to get her offers
I can pwn her
crazy loner
AND THAT'S A RAP
Joshua: what is that
lolol
me: can't tell
here's a hin
Joshua: madness
me: you owned it
Joshua: ben folds five
?
2:27 PM me: BUT I LISTENED TO IT MORE
lol no
Joshua: lololol
me: faggot
Joshua: ladytron
what gives? barrett, what gives?!
road trip
lololol
2:32 PM me: IT WAS THE DANDY WARHOLS ALL ALONG
2:33 PM Joshua: omg
2:43 PM me: got myself a 22 f blonde cutie
2:44 PM on the ol' hook
2:46 PM Joshua: that's nice barrett
very nice
me: sent me a message:
What do you think of the Coming Insurrection
Joshua: go on
2:47 PM thats what she said
wow
me: which is this anarchist manifesto written by The Invisible Committee
but this Trinidadian chick
is fucking brilliant
Joshua: thats cool
me: even Mirna didn't have any naysaying after spending evening with her
2:48 PM Joshua: very well
me: and I shut Andrew up preemptively by noting she works for TED
That's pretty much worked well
"She works for TED"
"Oh"
"Oh... oh."
also, she's really cute
Joshua: uhhhh yeah
we got a.. yeah. CHiK
me: and hates the things I hate!
Joshua: over
me: OVER
Joshua: lol
2:49 PM how does she feel about double dutch
?
me: probably pretty good
what
Joshua: lol
nm lol
2:50 PM so - when are you going to introduce her around?
2:51 PM andrew last night expressed some interest in getting on okcupid
2:54 PM me: he should
I don't know, we're meeting tomorrow, maybe I can bring her around then
2:55 PM http://www.ted.com/profiles/view/id/174718
2:59 PM Joshua: very impressive
3:00 PM me: plus she did six years for robbing a starbucks
wait
no
no, that was Caleb
3:01 PM Joshua: lol wut
asdfassdfadf
i don't feel like staying at work
me: I kill you too, old friend
well, got my laundry started
Joshua: i need to do some laundry too
damnit
me: thinking I'll smoke a joint, mayhaps
Joshua: FUCK
3:02 PM maybe so
3:19 PM Joshua: jhawkins@jhawkins-desktop:~/Desktop$ ruby double_dutch.rb
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
**************************************************
I mumusuvtut nunotut fudevageearug. Fudearur isuv tuthashevagee muminundo-kvaisqualevageerur. Fudearur isuv tuthashevagee lulisquatlule-dudevageeatuthutch tuthashatut buvruginungugsuv tutotutalul obuvlulitutevageeruratutionun. I wackisqual fufacavae mumyub fudevageearug. I wackisqual puberurmumitut itut tuto pupasquas ovuvevageerur mumevagee anundud tuthashrurougughutch mume. Anundud wackhashenun itut hashasuv gugonunevagee pupasuvtut I wackisqual tutururnun tuthashevagee isquanevageerug evageeyube tuto suvsquateh itutsuv pupatuthash. Washhashevageeruge tuthashevagee fudevageearur hashasuv gugonunevagee tuthutcherugevagee wackisqual buvevagee nunotuthutchinungug. Onunlulyub I wackisqual rugevageemumainun.
**************************************************
lolol
enjoy your AIDS
3:20 PM me: Thanks!
3:55 PM me: I am forever coming across bits of information that would make for much more interesting reading than that which I usually end up writing, that which I end up writing being constrained by (a) my own attempts to convey a certain erudition and maturity and (b) an editor's co-conspiracy in this matter. As a result, I rarely refer to things as being "gay" in my formal work, whereas in my actual life I am constantly ascribing such a characteristic even to inanimate objects, like my last microwave, which was a fag microwave.
3:56 PM Think I should print that?
3:57 PM Joshua: edgy - your call
FAG
!!!
me: no it's yours
I'm gonna go with it
fuck it
Joshua: SMOKE A CIGARETTE NOW!!!
do it
me: I'm sorry, but I laughed out loud after typing that
Joshua: do it for me
me: actually, in the process of typing it
3:58 PM that's just funny
Joshua: yes it is
trey parker and matt stone already did an episode of south park on the word fag
3:59 PM it's actually safe - sort of
4:09 PM me: saw it
I saw that shit, fool
4:11 PM Joshua: motor boats and whatnot