Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña
From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com>
To: barriticus@gmail.com

4:24 PM me: so, the New York Post is going to be doing an article about me
  but not about any of my work
  they're going to pay for me to go on a date with some girl
  for their weekly dating feature

51 minutes
5:16 PM Catalina: hey
  you on a date?
  ha!
 me: for promotional purposes
5:17 PM a real live date
  with dinner
  haven't done that since I was like 16
5:19 PM maybe the Post will spring for a bundle
  for authenticity's sake
 Catalina: who is this girl?
 me: i'm not sure yet
5:20 PM I asked if I could bring this other girl I just met, they said maybe
  usually they just put them together with other people they choose
  and then people vote on it or some such
  but I'm having this other girl over tonight anyway
 Catalina: if you actually get a bundle id like to nominate myself as your date
5:21 PM me: I'm pretty sure you're the only one with whom any such date would be successful and not result in the girl crying and leaving
  girls are pussies
  OH NOES YOU HAVE NEEDLES
5:23 PM Catalina: i know
  so are guys
  i went on a date with this guy once
  Patrick Kennedy
  i scared him off by telling him i liked heroin
5:24 PM me: Patrick Kennedy?
 Catalina: no needles or anythong
 me: wtf?
 Catalina: yes patrick kennedy
  i only went out with him to piss off carl anyway
  hes a grad student in the psych department at columbia
 me: god damnit
  my fucking mom
  I shouldn't have told her about this NY post date thing
 Catalina: haha
5:25 PM me: she won't stop calling me about me getting a haircut and taking my fucking jacket to the dry cleaners
  seriously, like three e-mails today, four phone cals
  just called again
 Catalina: thats my life everyday
  my mom calls me like 4-5 times a day
5:26 PM me: dude, I guarantee you my deal is worse
  first, we are WASPs
  second, I am an only child
 Catalina: i guarantee you its not
 me: third, my life is usually a mess anyway
 Catalina: catholic mexicans
  all girls
 me: well, maybe
5:27 PM you should see Mirna talking to her fucking Arab mom
 Catalina: and people are always calling my parents telling them shit about me
  lauren, carls wife
 me: oh, yeah
  that fucked up thing that happened
 Catalina: the triplets mom when i was in highschool
  how often does mirnas mother call her
5:29 PM me: not sure, but they're always yelling at each other about extraordinarily minor issues that need to be addressed, like what sort of sweater she's going to buy or whether or not she has called back some other Arab geek with whom her mom has set her up on a date
  and then they switch to Arabic
  which is the language of yelling