Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña |
From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com> |
4:24 PM me: so, the New York Post is going to be doing an article about me
but not about any of my work
they're going to pay for me to go on a date with some girl
for their weekly dating feature
5:16 PM Catalina: hey
you on a date?
ha!
me: for promotional purposes
5:17 PM a real live date
with dinner
haven't done that since I was like 16
5:19 PM maybe the Post will spring for a bundle
for authenticity's sake
Catalina: who is this girl?
me: i'm not sure yet
5:20 PM I asked if I could bring this other girl I just met, they said maybe
usually they just put them together with other people they choose
and then people vote on it or some such
but I'm having this other girl over tonight anyway
Catalina: if you actually get a bundle id like to nominate myself as your date
5:21 PM me: I'm pretty sure you're the only one with whom any such date would be successful and not result in the girl crying and leaving
girls are pussies
OH NOES YOU HAVE NEEDLES
5:23 PM Catalina: i know
so are guys
i went on a date with this guy once
Patrick Kennedy
i scared him off by telling him i liked heroin
5:24 PM me: Patrick Kennedy?
Catalina: no needles or anythong
me: wtf?
Catalina: yes patrick kennedy
i only went out with him to piss off carl anyway
hes a grad student in the psych department at columbia
me: god damnit
my fucking mom
I shouldn't have told her about this NY post date thing
Catalina: haha
5:25 PM me: she won't stop calling me about me getting a haircut and taking my fucking jacket to the dry cleaners
seriously, like three e-mails today, four phone cals
just called again
Catalina: thats my life everyday
my mom calls me like 4-5 times a day
5:26 PM me: dude, I guarantee you my deal is worse
first, we are WASPs
second, I am an only child
Catalina: i guarantee you its not
me: third, my life is usually a mess anyway
Catalina: catholic mexicans
all girls
me: well, maybe
5:27 PM you should see Mirna talking to her fucking Arab mom
Catalina: and people are always calling my parents telling them shit about me
lauren, carls wife
me: oh, yeah
that fucked up thing that happened
Catalina: the triplets mom when i was in highschool
how often does mirnas mother call her
5:29 PM me: not sure, but they're always yelling at each other about extraordinarily minor issues that need to be addressed, like what sort of sweater she's going to buy or whether or not she has called back some other Arab geek with whom her mom has set her up on a date
and then they switch to Arabic
which is the language of yelling