Subject: Under No Circumstances Should You Hire Me.
To Whom It Concerns,
My name is Casey Jones, and I am the last person you would want to work with. I'm a terrible writer with no experience whatsoever. I never listen to constructive criticism, I'm anything but a team player, I hate brain-storming and my penmanship is atrocious.
I have an awful sense of humor, and I haven't trained with Saturday Night Live alumni to sharpen my writing. I've never written articles for ToyFare Magazine. I was never the head writer for a sketch comedy team, and I don't regularly perform with a comedy improv team here in New York.
What's worse, I'm painfully slow to work with, and I have no sense of irony at all.
To cement my point, I'm enclosing my resume' (which might as well be a blank piece of paper) and a sample of my god-awful work.
Under no circumstances should you contact me to ask me pertinent questions. I can't be reached at 240-994-3726. Thank you for your time.
Respectfully,
Casey Jones
