Re: article draft new

On Wed, Jan 6, 2010 at 3:05 PM, Ava K. Lamb <tooth.radish.ava.stove@gmail.com> wrote:

Hey here it os with some changes,
I need to replace tesla name for confidentiality , haven't thoght of a
good one, how about Zora?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Ava K. Lamb" <tooth.radish.ava.stove@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 12:48:49 -0500
Subject: article draft new
To: tesla deboer <tesla.staple.maple.rabie@gmail.com>

I'm not naive on the topic of people swinging both ways. My father now lives
with a man, after being married 25 years to my mother. For perspective
purposes, lets call me the straight man in this scenario. Rather, for the
sake of clarity, the straight woman. I am not your average Joe(sephine), but
as far as orientation goes, straight. Never even made out with another woman
for money at a college party...have no interest in women romantically.
My best friend, shes straight too, or so she says, and when she does, she
says it in the same sentence as, "and I date women." Shes going on a date
with a woman tonight, a masculine woman, but definitely a woman. She hasn't
dated or hooked up with with a woman in years, I thought maybe she was over
that phase, the girl on girl phase, or so I considered it, but maybe it was
inconsiderate of me to think of it that way. It just that the last few years
she's seemed committed to males, expressing her specific love for the male
anatomy.
I could see people saying she's bisexual...by definition, i suppose it
would be hard to debate that--but I would never call her bisexual. Bisexual
has a a ring to it that knowing her, doesn't suit my friend....shes more
like, *morphis sexual*, a term i just made up; an "it depends" attitude,
morphing her sexuality as it goes along without categorical restriction.
When talking about her dating life she says,
"I have to say, i definitely have double standards. i don't want my man
dating guys, but i would expect him not to be upset that I've dated chicks.
I might even expect him to let me have a girlfriend WHILE I'm dating him, as
i have in the past."
For the sake of being literal, she said she MAY expect her boyfriend to let
her also have a girlfriend but still, many may see her attitude as selfish.
Knowing Tesla, when Tesla says shes straight, shes not saying it in denial,
its more just a matter of fact statement. She doesn't put a lot of thought
into it, she does what she does and wants who and what she wants as a
straight woman. Its like vegetarians who say, "But I eat chicken." Obviously
they are not really vegetarians, but do we have the time to argue with them
about it, especially if most of the time they don't eat chicken? I bring up
the famous quote by the filmmaker Renior, "A murderer is not a murderer all
the time." Shall we change that humanistic quote a little and also say,
"Tesla is not a lesbian all the time," not exactly the same idea, but
somewhat relevant.
Ive had other friends, men and women, privately confide in me they have
considerable same sex interest, either saying "I'm bi", or "I could be gay,
*if I wanted to*." The only drawback and roadblock for them being a distaste
for the sex parts of their own gender, women who say they don't want to
touch pussy and men who would rather not touch cock with the general
conclusion being, something like, "Im too tired to be gay, it sounds
exausting....all that cock/pussy grabbing sounds dutiful and awkward." Maybe
they are just over intellectualizing their impulses to the point where they
no longer feel natural, all genitals can be intimidating at first, maybe
they are intellectualizing on purpose to backwardly repress thier same sex
hankerings. On the other hand, maybe they really dont have sincere desire
for their own sex the way they think they could, just playful imaginations
and a subtle attraction.
Tesla had this to say today before going off on her first date with a
female in years, "I have never been fucked by a dyke with a strap on. I am
kind of interested what that might be like...kind of seems a little scary."
Yet I feel like she would try it, if she felt like it, without hemming and
hawing over technicalities of touching genitals, she would do it. Lets face
it, if youre reasoning it out, its probably not sex. Sex is not an
intellectual process, it has a lot to do with where blood flows and arousal
in specific parts of the brain. If sex were just a willing thought process,
Viagra would be unnecessary. Tesla's curiosity is simple, it doesnt reek of
the over analysis that may force others with similar hankerings as her to
back down...shes just a little scared of a strap-on, understandably so. I am
too, although I am not in much danger of one coming at me.
Women who feel too much preassure from the opposite sex may decide to be
with women despite the initial difficulties of touching pussy. I know an
older lesbian couple in which one of the women doesnt consider herself a
thorough bred lesbian, yet she was enticed by the securtity of her lesbain
relationship. Her not always being a lesbian is a sore spot in the
relationship and this seems to cause her partner, a true lesbian, some
stress. One may say an of an acting lesbian, "A lesbian who is a lesbian
currently, may not be a lesbian thoroughly". Unlike Tesla, who is, according
to herself, the authority on her own status and not a lesbian at all (but
fairly, wouldn't be offended being called a lesbian), and also is not yet
invested in her lesbian actions, yet she agrees being with women can feel
safe, Tesla expresses the encreased comfort level with females before her
date today, "I don't really feel the need to impress. Dykes don't care how
stinky your crotch is or whether or not you've shaved your armpits."
For men, being gay is rarely a light plan B ponderance. I dont know any
old gay couples where one of the men is half halfheartedly homosexual, but
just decided to settle--I'm not saying theyre not out there. I also don't
know any male Tesla equivalents, although sometimes she does, in jest, say
she has a dick, but I dont know any men who openly and in earnest insist
they are straight AND are entitled to a boyfriend, again, I'm not saying
they are not out there, I'm sure they are, but lets face it, society wants
people to make a decision and to Do one person, place, or thing, at once.
Multiples are often considered in bad taste, sexually, especially among
sober people.
As we progress through life, no longer experimenting, if one ever does
experiment with sexuality rather than express it, different approaches to
relationships take on a more serious tone. Tesla dating a woman could result
in her actually having a long term female romantic companion...as a social
animal, I selfishly and necessarily think about how this may affect me, if
she does indeed commit to a woman, I will be telling people my best friend
is a lesbian, I will be listening to Tesla talk about her "girlfriend".
These are ideas I am not used to and these things about her new life
potentially could slightly changes my perception of myself, having a lesbian
best friend. This maybe isn't so different than me getting a different type
of man, if I hypothetically chose a dentist instead of an artist, a short
one instead of a fat one, Tesla would have to tell people her best friend
loved short dentists, even if it was my first serious relationship with a
short dentist after, for a long time, being used to me loving fat artists.
Maybe she would call me an *oral shortbian*, and she would have to listen to
me tell stories like, "my boyfriend couldn't reach his tooth drill today, he
had to use a step stool, the stool was so tall, it concerned me", and she,
as a friend, would have to learn to care and not find my new concerns
bizarre . Any new personal romantic divergences may surprise your friends,
AT FIRST, but ultimately this is the freedom we love and love to talk about,
"Who's a lesbian? Where!" The love of freedom in love. Ehh, we're humans, we
can get used to just about anything, as long as its honest. Anyway, as of
yet, Tesla is still not a lesbain, but maybe tomorrow, with a final quote
from Tesla, "Donna [the woman Tesla went on a date with] and I will probably
fall in love and then she'll see this article and be like, "You used me just
so your friend could get write this article!" See, we all have our personal
concerns.

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