Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña
From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com>
To: barriticus@gmail.com

Catalina: hey
Catalina: im ok
Catalina: yesterday was the first day i felt better
me: word, what else is going on?
Catalina: nothing at all.
Catalina: what about with you?
Catalina: my mother just sent me a picture
Catalina: im sending it to you
Catalina: not that you have any interest in it
me: last couple paragraphs of my book to go
me: then it's done
Catalina: nor should you
Catalina: good for you
me: and I move on to running magazine and starting video projects
me: also writing for all the things for which I was supposed to be writing for last month or so
me: plus I got tropico 3 as my prize
me: because I am a child and need prizes for accomplishing works of non-fiction
Catalina: haha
me: it's a computer game whereby you're a Caribbean leader
me: and all the little people go about their lives
Catalina: is it like sims or something?
me: and whatnot.
me: sort of
me: except more awesome
me: insomuch as that you can hold elections or not but people will react based on that
me: if you arrest someone, his family members will hate you
me: there's an economy, everyone has their little needs and go fulfill them by eating, entertainment, church, medical, etc.
me: thousands of these little computer people
me: so I'm going to get some pot
Catalina: ok
me: and lose myself in a magical world of fantasy and magic
Catalina: where you are god
me: better, president
me: god doesn't earn his power
me: you can be overthrown
me: or beaten in an election
me: it's all very exciting, I can assure you
Catalina: i dont doubt it
me: lol
me: that picture does not do you justice
Catalina: well i always look terrible in pictures
Catalina: i have three cousins who are whores
Catalina: i am sure you can figure out who they are
me: the ones who are dressed in typically conservative Mexican middle-class fashion?
Catalina: yes
Catalina: and then my other cousin is a model
Catalina: the tall one in the back
Catalina: i like how you emailed asking if i ever got better
me: thought you might have gotten something serious in Mexico or something
Catalina: no i never got better
Catalina: actually something new has developed
Catalina: carl actually has an apartment now
Catalina: he showed it to me yesterday
me: so? I've got a car.
Catalina: and i am a little freaked out
Catalina: no silly
me: go on
Catalina: maybe he is leaving
Catalina: and i thought i did want him to
Catalina: but its a lot of responsibility
Catalina: for me
me: well, he was going to leave anyway, right?
Catalina: it is an awesome apartment actually
Catalina: i never believed him
Catalina: he says hes going to leave every summer since i have known him
Catalina: changes his mind in the fall
Catalina: then decides to leave again in the winter
Catalina: and changes his mind in the spring
Catalina: i just dont really want to change my ways
me: what ways?
Catalina: spending the night wherever i want
Catalina: getting high with other people
me: is he asking you to move in?
Catalina: no
Catalina: but he has asked i dont get high with other people or spend the night at other guys houses
me: that's gay
me: I mean, the second part is an understandable desire on his part
me: but lol @ NO GETTING HIGH ONLY WITH ME
me: speaking of sex and drugs, took Miriam for a test drive last weekend
me: also got her to help us out with the magazine
me: just like Julius Caesar
Catalina: is that a euphemism for you had sex with her?
Catalina: i am terrible with euphemisms
me: yessir
me: also had her sit there and rub my head and draw portraits of me while I wrote my book and feed me pills
Catalina: so you decided to go along with crazy after all
me: she's very domesticated
me: well, she behaved herself
Catalina: what kinds of pills
me: klonopin and some sort of speed
Catalina: at the same time?
me: I dropped one klonopin on the floor here somewhere, should probably find it
me: yeah, plus heroin and crack
Catalina: yes
Catalina: i used to have a prescription for that
me: gonna be a hell of a book
Catalina: i think i will get it again
me: stuff is strong
Catalina: yeah
Catalina: i actually stopped getting it because i got into trouble with it
Catalina: id take a handful and drink and just be incoherent for days
Catalina: it was weird
Catalina: but it was fun
me: yeah, hadn't taken one in like six years
me: had trouble concentrating on it
me: also staying conscious
me: oh, god
Catalina: what?
me: Chris had this craigslist ad up
me: for writers
me: not paying yet
me: I'll forward you the e-mail
me: fucking most insane thing ever
me: we're going to publish it
Catalina: ok
Catalina: what are you doing this weekend?
me: nothing
me: hmmm
me: apparently Ava's dad is gay
me: and Ava's friend Tesla is unsurprisingly a huge lesbian
me: according to this article she just sent me to proofread
me: also
me: I had to compile a list
me: having gone through Scallywag for the first time in a long time and actually read articles
me: a list of which writers need to have everything they submit copyedited by me before those pieces go up
me: because, jesus
me: it's like he got these people from students who didn't make the school newspaper and had to go to yearbook like chumps
me: he has several very decent writers who are rather prominent
Catalina: i survive on raw anger!!
Catalina: that is so totally me too!
me: ME TOO LET'S MAKE OUT
me: look
Catalina: totally
Catalina: omg! we have so much in common
me: I'M NOT RELIGIOUS I'M SPIRITUAL
Catalina: i hate that you are making me laugh
Catalina: i still cant breathe
me: this chick is going to be axed as soon as I turn this book in like half an hour
me: http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2010/01/bow-wow-should-not-drink-and-tweet/
Catalina: and i definitely cant breathe at all if i laugh
me: maybe the girl you're stalking will have to give you mouth to mouth and you can awkwardly fuck that up somehow by unhooking her bra
Catalina: haha
Catalina: my supervisor just called to say shes coming down
Catalina: so i have to go for a second
Catalina: later
me: later
me: god damn, your cousins all look like whores
Catalina: they do
Catalina: so supervisor is gone now
Catalina: she is quitting
Catalina: because my boss, as i have told you before, is an insane asshole who is losing his mind
Catalina: also, for the record, my sisters do not look like whores
me: I knew that one would backfire on me
Catalina: no, i called my cousins whores before you did
me: anyway, you never thanked me for picking you up from the airport in my 2010 BMW Thingamajig Yuppie Faggotmobile and driving you around while we listened to The Eagles the other day
me: lol Eagles
Catalina: thanks
Catalina: do you really have a car?
Catalina: i thought it was melvins
Catalina: and guess who actually does have a bmw?
me: lol no I can't drive worth a shit my mind is not cut out for such things
me: I am too abstract
me: I used to drive, though
me: Ah, Carl does
me: ALSO JAMES BOND
Catalina: i cant drive either
Catalina: ok i thought i was getting better but maybe not
Catalina: maybe i will die after all
me: I see
me: Where's your pope now?
Catalina: what are you talking about?
Catalina: i didnt even know i was supposed to have one of those
Catalina: oh, you mean like a catholic pope?
me: Yes. I meant the Catholic pope.
me: w00t just finished my book
me: now I'm up to no good
Catalina: awesome!
Catalina: are you ruling the fake people?
me: nah, need to get my head together
me: been writing and revising all night
Catalina: how will you do that?
Catalina: by getting high?
me: perhaps
me: or just sitting here
me: ah, gonna order some crack, it seems
me: used to be if I proposed something like that no one else would do it because I lived with Josh and Andrew
me: now I'm like "maybe I want some crack" and four people are like "CRACK CRACK!!!!"""