| Subject: Chat with Catalina Saldaña |
| From: "Catalina Saldaña" <cat.salda@gmail.com> |
1:17 PM Catalina: hey
me: yo yo
having fun at your place of employment, no doubt
I hear that, yo
Catalina: i think im the pnly person here from my group
1:18 PM im going home soon
i am sick
i think i am dying
me: poor thing
catch something in Mexico?
Catalina: i hope i die a tragic bloody death
maybe
me: well
you can probably get into a knife fight
Catalina: ill be in bed coughing up blood
no no
me: I can arrange for some opponents
1:19 PM Catalina: i want to die in bed coughing up blood into a white embroidered kerchief
1:20 PM i need to buy a white nightgown too if i want to do this right
me: you should really take advantage of the Manhattan environment and jump off something
1:21 PM Catalina: i always thought the riverside cathedral would be nice to jump off
i need a red dress for that one
i have just the dress
except i dont want birds pecking at my remains
that bothers me
me: well
1:22 PM they'll get you out of there pretty quickly
you'll have a bunch of
oh
how sad if Caleb were still with The Daily News and he got sent out!
Catalina: no
me: that'd make for a good book ending
Catalina: that would be perfect
me: I'll call it "Twilight"
Catalina: exactly
1:23 PM haha
is caleb going to be a vampire pr werewolf
me: vampire
so
as I mentioned
the fop and Scott were fighting all week
regarding Scott's failures as a graphic designer for the mag
1:24 PM and had to field like literally twenty complaining phone calls and text messages and e-mails from fop
I get home last night and am all set to mediate
suddenly they're fucking bestest gay boyfriends
they decide to get along like ten minutes before my arrival
1:25 PM Catalina: well thats
good
me: yes, yws
but still
Catalina: youre just jealous
you want to be best gays too
me: like, they could have presumably gotten along a week ago as opposed to distracting me from my book like five times a day
I'm already best gays, Catalina
1:26 PM I'm already best gays, Catalina
Catalina: thats right
youre the bestest gay
me: THANK YOU
I'll show you this Ava girl I'm going to exploit
Catalina: ok
the model?
me: no, that was some other chick
I'd have no use for that one
1:27 PM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_inzEWQRRsY
1:28 PM this one actually made useful edits to my script for the ad for the political action committee
which she'd editing/producing/whatever
I'm going to try to make her my right-hand man
1:29 PM insomuch as that she is both competent and ambitious, which is a nice change of pace
1:30 PM Catalina: yes
shes kinda funny
me: some of this stuff is not great
1:31 PM Catalina: a=but kinda annoying sometimes
me: but there are some good bits
Catalina: sometimes something about her reminds me of lauren
which makes me freak out
but she has nice arms
me: I'm going to perhaps write for to some extent just to make sure
Catalina: and lauren did not have nice arms
me: hmmm
can't remember
Catalina: she was fat
she got fat anyway
1:32 PM me: she sexually assaulted me
which was novel
Catalina: did you have sex with her?
me: no
she tried to kiss me on one occasion
and then on another occasion I made out with her of my own free will while I was drunk
1:33 PM Catalina: gross barrett
just gross
im not judging
i made out with her gross boyfriend
1:34 PM who told everyone we had sex
which is a lie
me: lol
1:35 PM that guy
I was with Caleb once
and we went over there
and the two of them went upstairs for "the tour" or some such thing
while I sat with the oblivious boyfriend
1:36 PM whom I understand to be a whiny bitch
1:37 PM Catalina: yes he is
1:44 PM Catalina: when i die i am leaving my laptop to you... unless you got a new one, did you?
1:45 PM me: I did indeed, my dad got me one for Christmas
I told him just to get me something cheap and basic
sort of implying that he couldn't afford anything better
which, as usual
Catalina: what did he get you?
1:46 PM me: prompted him to get me a brand-new Toshiba with all the fru-fru
Catalina: well thats nice of him
me: it only starts up if it recognizes my face
well, he's very sensitive about money
Catalina: haha
me: and if I say something like "I know you're struggling right now"
or something to that effect
Catalina: i guess caleb gets my laptop then
me: that's good
because
1:47 PM that's one of the sticking points regarding him coming up here, he wants to have a laptop
he's got an interview today
ah, guess he told you
1:48 PM anyway, I'm trying to get him to come back up early next year and give it another go
now that we've got projects in the works and whatnot
1:52 PM Catalina: what were you saying about your father
i rudely interrupted
1:55 PM me: oh, he's just simple-minded
and can be prompted to do such things as getting me an unnecessarily expensive laptop by way of very elementary manipulation techniques
he's also weird with money
1:56 PM when I was 15 I stayed with him and his 23-year-old girlfriend in LA
1:57 PM where he was living on Wilshire Boulevard in a very nice highrise apartment
1:58 PM but was usually literally without any money in his bank account
such that I had to read Atlas Shrugged by going to the bookstore over and over again
1:59 PM Catalina: isee
me: he couldn't buy a car or get a credit card due to the whole FBI indictment thing
Catalina: where does he live now?
me: and subsequent bankruptcy and all that
Dallas, with the new wife
2:00 PM Catalina: was she the 23 year old from la?
is she
me: she was from Fresno, scion of some wealthy farming family
she kept telling me about what a monster Caesar Chavez was
2:01 PM Catalina: really? why?
me: also she was a meth head and always going into some sort of tizzy
Catalina: why did she think he was a monster?
me: well, she's the child of a capitalist running dog landowning family
and he was trying to get such families to stop mistreating their labor
2:02 PM and so of course she was taught that Chavez was some sort of terrible perso
Catalina: i have family in fresno
they picked strawberries
sometimes i tell people i used to pick strawberries in fresno
2:03 PM where is the school that you attended with caleb?
2:09 PM Catalina: looks like you're busy
and i have to go home
to die
later
me: wait
sorry, was dealing with editorial nonsense and phone call at same time
if you die
2:10 PM I will light a candle for you in front of my various pieces of Eastern Orthodox iconography
Catalina: thanks!
where was the school though?
i need to know
me: no problem
2:11 PM good luck with dying
Catalina: thanks, please answer my question before i die
me: sorry, it was in Dallas
Preston Hollow area
DISD
Catalina: he lied!!!
2:12 PM i knew it
me: wait, what?
one sec
2:13 PM lied about what?
Catalina: where your school was located
he said harlingen
me: well, he went to highschool there for two years
so did his brother
2:14 PM they got shipped off due to her bitchiness
Catalina: ok then, i guess caleb and i can still be friends
me: I went to school with him from 3rd to 5th grade
Catalina: i see
2:15 PM now i can go home and die in peace
me: then he eventually went to Jesuit, a catholic school, starting in high school
then got shipped off to military school
YOU DID NOT TRUST HIM
YOU COULD HAVE DIED IN SIN
Catalina: i know im going to hell
me: of course, you're a Catholic so you're going to hell anyway
because Rome is Babylon
Catalina: the nuns at the school i went to in mexico told me so
2:16 PM me: they worship the goddess
no, they're going to hell faster
they worship astar
or something
it's a big scam
Catalina: well maybe ill see them there
ok, ill talk to you later
bye