| Subject: Chat with Miriam Carothers |
| From: Miriam Carothers <m.w.carothers@gmail.com> |
1:42 AM Miriam: ho hello, is Stroub interested?
me: he is indeed, he'll call you tomorrow
also
here's his number just in case
1:43 AM Miriam: pen pen pen
me: 718-844-0978
it's okay, you now have the number safely on your computer screen
Miriam: I'm compuuter retared
retarded
1:44 AM see.
is he on g chat?
1:45 AM 718 eh? how shmancy.
1:46 AM me: I think he's asleep
doesn't really spent much time in his gmail
1:47 AM Miriam: sweet dreams of more kitchen drudgery Stroub....
1:48 AM me: I'm sure he's dreaming about something bizarre
Miriam: I just got this fab new medicaciones that is too weak sauce for me.
1:49 AM I'm obsessed with valium these days. So 50's housewife.
Ritalin LA. Want some?
I'm sure it would make the writing epic.
1:50 AM me: not my thing, riatlin
ritalin, even
Miriam: He's dweeming of "Cleaving" just like that talentless twit Julie Powell.
1:51 AM Hacking, hemming and hawing.
1:52 AM okey dokey pokey. What is your pill of choice?
1:53 AM me: I like valiums
bennies
any kind of downer
xanax
Miriam: This stupid ritalin LA just makes me want to focus on boring things. Iguess I am ADHD....
1:54 AM LOVE VALIUM
what's a bennie?
I'm having massive tooth surgery soon and will be getting oxys
1:55 AM I'll share
Hate the stuff.
1:56 AM me: bennies are such things as temazapam
Miriam: The trick to getting oxys when you talk to the doc b/f surgery is to claim allergies to all aspirin, tylenol...I'm spacing on the other one.
1:57 AM klonopin wafers me likey.
1:58 AM The med girly version of a "wine spritzer"
1:59 AM How's the dope these days? My buddy who just left finance wants some
2:00 AM He wants me to finagle him some but I'm so out of the loop.
2:01 AM me: I can get him however much he wants
and can get him an extraordinarily good deal on ten bundles, $575
or, if he wants lesser amount
2:02 AM can also give him better deal than he'd find most anywhere else
Miriam: hedge fund people are hilarious.
me: I know
Miriam: I figured you'd know.
Or understand the clientele.
2:03 AM The kid makes 10 mil a year, moving to Hong Kong and wants dope. Go figure
2:04 AM I'll give him your number if I ever get my phone back
me: okay
2:05 AM Miriam: Where can I get acid tho? That'smy absolute fave
2:08 AM wait, define bundle?
2:45 AM me: a bundle is ten bags of h
tends to go for $70-100 on the street
2:46 AM Miriam: ah. I will tell him.
2:49 AM gracias.
he willbe contacting you then
2:51 AM I attempted to read some of your blogging but didn't get past yabbering about NEKingdom which I adore.
2:53 AM me: never been there
Miriam: bummer. I'll try harder.
me: my columns for BushwickBk aren't really any good
Miriam: which should I read?
me: I just do it to pick up a little extra money and in preparation for doing a weekly webcast series starting next month
2:54 AM my huffington post or vanity fair stuff
just google my name
Miriam: Vanity Shmear. Iwas interviewed by that beeyotch Nancy Jo Salles in '96
2:55 AM I will then.
you are an interesting critter.
2:56 AM I saved a fabulous article in the Dining Times Wed section from November on urban hunters for you.
I will bring it to you when we inevitable get plastered and I tell you more dirty jokes.
me: very well
2:57 AM Miriam: indeed!
2:58 AM here's a terrible one:
knock knock.
3:00 AM c'monnnnn....
Knock knock?
3:09 AM Miriam: so, are you glowy little mad genius who never leaves your room yet has cast a huge net over the media?
3:10 AM Just curious yo.
me: I used to leave all the time
just been swamped
finishing one book
3:11 AM assisting this Hollywood producer with his, probably will end up writing it
now helping to run a magazine
Miriam: very well. ha ha.
me: serving as director of comm for a political action committee
selling drugs
freelancing for a few mags
and also have to run Straub's life for him
3:12 AM Miriam: I'm smitten. Jerk of all trades.
weellll, someone has to doit
3:13 AM poor soul
3:14 AM me: plus I'm a columnist for HuffPo, BushwickBk, True/Slant, and The Onion up until today
told them I can't write for them anymore because the main editor keeps asking me to rewrite stuff
he actually called me today
3:15 AM after asking me to call him
Miriam: you remind me of the Lunachicks song "Jerk of all Trades" look itupon you tube
me: he ruins every article I give them
even though they beg me for queries all the time
and they don't pay enough
Miriam: it might inspire you
3:16 AM it has funny wild west shooting in the background
me: I'm not big on novelty songs
Miriam: I'm sorry to hear that.
3:17 AM It's not
It's an anthem.
3:18 AM I'm serious.
He is the jerk the jerk of all trades.
3:19 AM me: I've only got one or two trades anyway
I don't really know how to do anything
Miriam: I don't believe you.
3:20 AM what did you do when you ventured outside?
3:23 AM me: went to bars, fucked girls, played basketball, ran around brooklyn
mostly bars
now it's winter, I wouldn't leave even if I wasn't busy
3:24 AM Miriam: Awww. Texan
And here I am so disgusted by the US that I'd happily brave Montreal temps.
3:25 AM How's the lady situation these days?
3:26 AM me: got rid of that scientist chick for good
3:27 AM friendly sex with girl named Catalina that I've known for a while
Miriam: pour quoi?
me: don't get out much, of course, so not seeing too many
3:30 AM Miriam: I used to sleep with half of Brooklyn during the coke days, '03-'06 RIP. Got the clap, treated it easily and thank god nothing else. Scared me into only sleeping with finance dudes here and there. Smart but no dirty hipsters. ugh.
3:31 AM Now I'm practically celibate.
It's splendid.
3:32 AM Brains are good. Trucker caps and shitty techno in williamsburg no bueno.
You must hook up with youn 'uns no?
3:33 AM me: the scientist gf was 32
Catalina is 28 or some such, my age
one I dated for seven months last year was 30
can't remember last time I dated younger girl
3:34 AM Miriam: I pegged you wrong. I stand corrected.
why the break up with 32?
3:35 AM me: she was unhappy that I was not willing to pay as much attention to her as she wanted
and was very demanding of my time
also Catalina came along
3:36 AM Miriam: well, aren't you writing a book? Valid excuse.
me: and she's perfectly content to lie there in the morning while I work
yes
but this other girl, instead of being understanding of that, would sarcastically note that she also has work to do
Miriam: Catalina is a foxy name
3:37 AM Which I'm sure she didn't.
me: also, she decided that we were in a fight and demanded that I come to her house and talk about it on a day when i had deadlines and was otherwise busy
3:38 AM basically I don't take relationship orders
3:40 AM Miriam: Well, I'm never going to be anything but non gf material, wildly amused by youand your antics. Let's play cards and get snotted soon! ha ha.
me: cards are obsolete, but okay
3:41 AM Miriam: I flip when relationship demands are fucking with my work.
I play cribbage.
3:42 AM The ratioof men to women in NYC is skewed so it makes chicks goofy.
look at it that way.
3:44 AM me: I know, that's why I don't give in to any demands, it is a seller's market on males
Miriam: I heard it's hard to get a gun license in NY state.
me: one need not even leave the house to get women
Miriam: I wanna go to the handfulof ranges in the area.
3:46 AM For you apparently. I mean, you even have arbitrary, vague crush esque chicks like me! So,I guess you are right. Keep it up.
whatever it is that you're doing. Being fancy and whatnot.
3:47 AM me: feel free to come by some time for a debauched drug orgy
you into girls?
3:48 AM Miriam: Yep. But without the dude generally. Haven't done that since '97
3:49 AM me: very well. Catalina is more bi than even most girls and enjoys anything decadent
3:50 AM Miriam: I only watch girl porn so...I guess so now that I think about it.
I only fuck hot chicks tho. I have a type.
3:51 AM Dudes it's all about the brains. Girls are meat tome.
me: Catalina is extraordinarily beautiful, I had to compete with several other parties to get her
3:52 AM Miriam: I would fuck Bill Clinton for ex. Fugly as hell but fascinating and enigmatic.
me: yes, masculine charm is our only saving grace
amazing the hipster male crackerjacks around here
no testosterone
3:53 AM practically females
Miriam: I liked that you dress conservative. Thank god.
me: this fucking onion editor talked in that effeminate sort of way that all of these guys talk like
it pissed me off
Miriam: Men look best in Brooks Brothers, J. Press and Paul Stuart. That's it.
3:54 AM You will age well.
me: yes, Williamsburg needs a dress code
Miriam: You will be devistating at 40.
I'm sure of this.
3:55 AM me: my grandma is 85 and she looks 45
gets hit on by younger me
3:56 AM men
Miriam: They speak like...you know...
Southern humidity.
they say....
3:57 AM AND excellent Brazilian plastic surgeons upon those retreats....my daddy's from the delta remember? Y'all look better than us haggard Yanks.
3:58 AM kidding. no. So, orgy?
hmmmm.
sounds hot-ish.
3:59 AM is she on assbook?
Eating pussyisfun.
me: you're kind of all over the place here
IMs are a weird format
Miriam: pussy. easy.
4:00 AM me: Catalina doesn't do facebook or anything
Miriam: like verbal DJ'ing
image?
4:01 AM Look, I have a Mick Jagger complex. I wanna basically fuck myself.
me: Understood
she's small and Mexican
Miriam: So slim, tallish, brunette, pale, small tits
4:02 AM I'm a sexual nazi.
me: yeah, she's not going to suffice in a self-fucking sort of way
but
you will like her
Miriam: if she's gorge I make exceptions...
me: she is, and very fun
4:03 AM Miriam: ass play?
me: in fact, I'd say she's the most sexually interesting girl I've ever had
we haven't done anything of that sort
4:04 AM but it is creative in other ways
Miriam: I'm all about the anal these days. weird. Gay guy friends got meonto the right homo lube and....duuuude!
ha ha.
4:05 AM me: the anatomical details don't matter that much
Miriam: yer fun chatting with. I have been gushing about the eros lube to everyone. it'slike this whole new world to me.
4:06 AM more champers.
me: I've only fucked a chick in the ass once or twice that I can recall
Miriam: so fun
me: what's more important is everyone's sexual personality
4:07 AM and compatability
4:08 AM I had a threesome before I lost my virginity
actually got suspended for it
would have been expelled if anything could have been proven
Miriam: I'm a nazi. You're my aryan....wait, I've never done a dude as pale and blond as you. ha ha.
me: was a school trip
I'm usually not pale
Miriam: ha
Blond.
4:09 AM me: reddish, really
I'm not an Aryan
Irish mostly
Miriam: really? what's your mix?
4:10 AM me: Irish, English, Scottish, other stuff
just not German or anything
you ever tribbed?
4:11 AM Miriam: Brit, Scot, Croat. Angry drinking blood. what is tribbing?
tribbed?
4:12 AM me: girls engaging in what would be vaginal intercourse if two vaginas could do such a thing
croats lol
the rubbing together of vaginas
it is the highest form of lesbian sex
4:13 AM Miriam: the celts ended upin the dalmatian coast. No, I've always wanted to tho
the highest formis lesbian analfisting in my book.
4:14 AM me: well, we can arrange a drug and alcohol-fueled psychosexual epic for next month
Miriam: sweet.
me: for an entire weekend, ideally
4:15 AM ordering out for breakfast and that sort of thing
it will nice to have time for that
my book is due in two weeks
Miriam: It'll hafta be when Mikey's away.
me: which means come January I shall no longer be a slave to this laptop
4:16 AM get him away on a weekend
Miriam: I figured you had a Iphone
me: nah
Miriam: you're turning meon kiddo
4:17 AM me: multitasking
the sad thing is
Miriam: yum
me: that Richard Cohen and Thomas Friedman invade my thoughts at all times now
4:18 AM I have to fuck two girls at once to end this terrible thing that has happened to my mind
it's miserable
Miriam: poorsoul. look up Sasha Grey bunny porn. I'm gonna wank off to that
me: nah, I don't look at porn anymore
4:19 AM Miriam: I draw it.
me: very good
Miriam: You mentioned me to Josh I hear?
4:20 AM me: I told him you read the Dresden thing
sorry, Peter Weisman
Miriam: awful
painful
this re connected us I suppose.
4:21 AM me: yes, lemonaid
Miriam: After the coked out evening where Stroub and Rebecca were fucking on the samebed as me
i wantedto find you that night
4:22 AM me: yes, I was in the den
that next room over
Miriam: goddamn you
They tried to include me and I was all: NOOOOOOOOOO
me: waste of coke
Miriam: thanks barrett.
me: I could have just fucked you in the den in as loud a manner as possible in order to out-awkward those two
me: but they wouldn't have cared
me: wacky nuts
Miriam: Where's rebecca?
me: the apartment they shared
Miriam: she was cool
Miriam: watching porn now. should we just fuck right away?
me: how so?
Miriam: At my friend Jake's pad. Neutral but decadent location
Miriam: tribeca
me: do you have work?
Miriam: at 9
me: Manhattan?
Miriam: yah
Miriam: this video is so fun
Miriam: ha
Miriam: gonna read your blogs now. it'll turn me on
Miriam: i'm twisted
me: logistics are tough. I can't leave tonight. you could come here, but I imagine you probably couldn't due to you having to go back to manhattan
me: I suppose you'll have to masturbate to my blog posts then
Miriam: or something like that.
me: sexuality
Miriam: where do you live again
me: off the Flushing stop on JMZ
me: and Morgan stop on L, which is farther away
Miriam: hip area
me: yeah, we built this burrough on rock and roll
Miriam: Ugh. Mad crush onyourweirdo ass. Too funny.
me: ROCK AND ROLL
Miriam: fingering
Miriam: goodnight rockstar B-)
Miriam: xxxxxxxx
me: nighty night, have fun with your vagina
Miriam: i will.