Re: lobster article

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 6:30 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Yeah, a single dish at each place is what I meant - even that would all end up costing between 30-45 dollars since every lobster dish is at least five bucks and most are more like seven or more, so it would cost about half what the article pays to write it.

Is there a particular subject you're in need of - arts, profiles, etc?

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 5:37 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

No problem. I had originally assumed you'd pick a single dish at each placeso maybe five dishes totaland write it up in the format. More pitches would be great, but if your pitches could fall under the quasi-listacle category, that's more what we're looking for at this point. Thanks,
Paul

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 5:30 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Sorry about that. I must have misread that e-mail or otherwise forgotten to make a note of it. It might be best if we just scrap the idea, then, as I'm probably not going to have the time to go to four or five places in different areas and wouldn't really be able to get enough information to differentiate each one without ordering a lobster dish at at least several of them, as atmosphere and those kinds of things don't really vary much with those sorts of take-out joints; basically the time and money I would have to put in on that doesn't work for me right now based on what your budget is for restaurant features. If you'd like, I can do some other features for you that aren't dining-related; let me know if you'd like me to pitch you something else.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 5:09 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:
Barrett,

I don't think we can use this piece as is. When you pitched the lobster piece, I wrote you back with the following:

Could you elaborate a bit on the lobster pitch? It's a great idea, but which ones were you planning on visiting? How many? And how would it look? If you did that kind of feature, it might be better if wasn't written as prose but rather as "5 bulletproof lobster platters," something like this:

The restaurant: Happy Family
The dish: Lobster rangoon, $9
The verdict: blah blah

What we have here is an article that takes three paragraphs to even get to the restaurants, and the "roundup" involves two restaurants that are 10 blocks away from one another. It's hardly a roundup. In addition, the article skips over the fact that lobster is at its lowest market price in years, in favor of a "back in 1999, people were rich"-type narrative that's hardly novel. We won't be able to use this imminently, which was the plan, but if you wanted to add more restaurants (across Brooklyn, or even other boroughscertainly not just in Bushwick) and re-format it into a roundup, we could probably use it later. A good example to work off of might be James Mulcahy's recent piece about getting rejected from nightclubs. It's here. Let me know what you think.

Thanks,
Paul

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 4:26 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

cool thanks-back at you soon.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 4:05 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Here's that tweaked version. Let me know if this works; I'll be available all day otherwise.

    New Yorkers probably aren't eating nearly as much lobster as they did back in, say, 1999, the era in which everyone was always taking everyone else out to dinner in order to get everyone else to invest in their start-up. In those days, all parties concerned found themselves obligated to pick the lobster. The ordering of lobster was an important ritual in such meal-oriented meetings as these, although, like Vietnamese or some such other tonal language, seemingly indistinct variations could have widely different meanings. "I have money and I can thus order lobster and perhaps invest in your lifestyle website." "You have money and I acknowledge you as both patron protector by ordering lobster on your tab." "I'm just an intern but I get to have some lobster, too, because it is 1999. I am the only one involved in this project who will ultimately escape bankruptcy and disappointment. Even now, I know this. I see through the charade." Sadly, the intern was run over by a bus that very evening. His prescience did him no service.

    Though the capital has all dried up, we may still feast on lobster if we are willing to go about it with all the wisdom of a dead intern. So let us go eat our lobster at those bullet-proof glass Chinese joints that we might otherwise overlook insomuch as that many of these places are best overlooked. If this sounds like a bad idea to you, then you are a coward. Go read The New York Times dining section, coward.

    Reputations aside, a surprising number of these much-maligned Chinese take-out places actually serve lobster that is not only passable but even comparable to that which one might obtain at five or six times the price at some other, more picturesque establishment with waiters and wall paintings and other such decadent trappings of the petty-bourgeoisie counterrevolutionary mindset. Two examples culled from Brooklyn's legions of such unassuming Eastern alternatives will provide a fairly representative picture of what one can expect when trolling for lobster at most any joint of the order-by-number genre.

    Lee Garden (121 Wyckoff) provides us with several thrifty options by which we might put crustacean flesh in our mouths and eat it. There is, for instance, the Szechuan lobster, which is comprised of an entire lobster served with onion and otherwise adorned with spicy chili sauce and which goes for $15. Even more cost-effective routes include the self-explanatory lobster fried rice and the lobster lo mein, both going for four bucks and change. The latter should only be considered by those who have already wrapped their minds and palates around the inimitable sensibilities of Chinese cuisine; the texture is of that same, relatively insubstantial sort that so often freaks out those Westerners who are expecting something entirely different. Incidentally, the chef does not actually resemble the smiling pseudo-anime avatar presented on the take-out menu, who must work a different shift.

    Shang Hai (824 Broadway) is more faithful to the traditional take-out aesthetic than Lee Garden insomuch as that is so small as to have only one booth and is situated far closer to a liquor store. The menu itself almost harangues us with options. There is the lobster lo mein and lobster fried rice again, as well as lobster chop suey, all going for a bit under five dollars. The lobster chow ho fun acts as an intermediate option for those who simply must have some greater portion of lobster and must also have it served with flat noodles. But the most impressive crustacean dish to be found here - and it is also generally worth having wherever it is served, being one of the region's most interesting culinary offerings altogether - is the whole lobster served Cantonese style ($15), which is to say in as starchy a manner as possible; although preparations vary, the sauce is almost always dependent on fermented black beans treated with cornstarch.

    The place itself, meanwhile, happens to be positioned next to a Mexican bodega of which the perpetually-open basement serves as a practice space for a mariachi band or some such thing, and the Wise Dead Intern was once overheard to have said that entertainment is best when it is free and also when it involves a basement.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 3:28 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

Okay, cool.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 3:27 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Absolutely. This one's pretty good as it is, I just want to tweak a few things here and there.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 3:26 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

If you want to just send me a better version in an hour, I won't even read this one. Are you sure you'll be able to have it by, say, 5 p.m.?

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 3:23 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Okay, here's that piece; sorry again about all the delays, but things have been totally nuts over here for the last couple of weeks. Let me know what changes you might need and I can do them immediately. And if you can wait another hour or so, I can get back to you a better version. Let me know.

Smashing Paradigms With Cheap Lobster

    New Yorkers probably aren't eating nearly as much lobster as they were in, say, 1999. In those days, everyone was taking everyone else out to dinner in order to get them to invest in their start-up, and all parties concerned found themselves obligated to order lobster. The ordering of lobster was an important ritual in such circumstances, although, like Vietnamese or some such other tonal language, seemingly indistinct variations can have widely different meanings. "I have money and I can thus order lobster and perhaps invest in your website." "You have money and I acknowledge this by ordering lobster on your tab." "I'm just an intern but I get to have some lobster, too, because it is 1999. I am the only one involved in this project who will escape bankruptcy and disappointment. Even now, I know this. I see through the charade." Sadly, the intern was run over by a bus and killed that very evening. His prescience did him no service.

    Though the capital has all dried up, we may still feast on lobster if we are willing to go about it with all the wisdom of a dead intern. Let us go eat our lobster at those bullet-proof glass Chinese joints that we might otherwise overlook insomuch as that most of these places are best overlooked. If this sounds like a bad idea to you, then you are a coward. Go read The New York Times dining section, coward.

    The truth is that certain of these much-maligned Chinese take-out joints provide the customer with lobster that is not only passable but even comparable to the lobster that one might obtain at five or six times the cost at some other, more picturesque establishment near Central Park. On, then, to a couple of Brooklyn Chinese joints, each fairly representative of what one will find in pursuit of lobster at any joint of the genre.

    Lee Garden (121 Wyckoff) provides us with several thrifty options by which we might put lobster in our mouths and eat it. There is, for instance, the Szechuan lobster, which is comprised of an entire lobster served with onion and otherwise adorned with spicy chili sauce and which goes for $15. Even more cost-effective routes include the self-explanatory lobster fried rice and the lobster lo mein, both going for four bucks and change. The latter should only be considered by those who have already wrapped their minds and palates around the inimitable sensibilities of Chinese cuisine; the texture is of that same, relatively insubstantial sort that so often freaks out those Westerners who are expecting something entirely different. Incidentally, the chef does not actually resemble the smiling pseudo-anime avatar presented on the take-out menu, who must work a different shift.

    Shang Hai (824 Broadway) is more faithful to the traditional aesthetic than Lee Garden insomuch as that is so small as to have only one booth and is situated far closer to a liquor store. The menu itself almost harangues us with options. There is the lobster lo mein and lobster fried rice again as well as lobster chop suey, all going for a bit under five dollars. The lobster chow ho fun acts as an intermediate option for those who simply must have some greater portion of lobster and must also have it served with flat noodles. But the most impressive crustacean dish to be found here - and it is also generally worth having wherever it is served, being one of the region's most interestin dishes altogether - is the whole lobster served Cantonese style ($15), which is to say in as starchy a manner as possible; although preparations vary, the sauce is almost always dependent on fermented black beans treated with cornstarch.

Meanwhile, the restaurant itself happens to be positioned next to a Mexican grocery of which the perpetually-open basement serves as a practice space for a mariachi band or some such thing, and the Wise Dead Intern was once overheard to have said that entertainment is best when it is free and also when it involves a basement.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 1:46 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Almost done, will have it to you in about 30, for reals this time.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:30 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

Cool.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:29 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Yeah, give me an hour or so.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:10 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

Hi Barrett,

Any way you could get that lobster article in soon, ideally very soon? Thanks,

Paul

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY