Re: lobster article

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 3:23 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Okay, here's that piece; sorry again about all the delays, but things have been totally nuts over here for the last couple of weeks. Let me know what changes you might need and I can do them immediately. And if you can wait another hour or so, I can get back to you a better version. Let me know.

Smashing Paradigms With Cheap Lobster

    New Yorkers probably aren't eating nearly as much lobster as they were in, say, 1999. In those days, everyone was taking everyone else out to dinner in order to get them to invest in their start-up, and all parties concerned found themselves obligated to order lobster. The ordering of lobster was an important ritual in such circumstances, although, like Vietnamese or some such other tonal language, seemingly indistinct variations can have widely different meanings. "I have money and I can thus order lobster and perhaps invest in your website." "You have money and I acknowledge this by ordering lobster on your tab." "I'm just an intern but I get to have some lobster, too, because it is 1999. I am the only one involved in this project who will escape bankruptcy and disappointment. Even now, I know this. I see through the charade." Sadly, the intern was run over by a bus and killed that very evening. His prescience did him no service.

    Though the capital has all dried up, we may still feast on lobster if we are willing to go about it with all the wisdom of a dead intern. Let us go eat our lobster at those bullet-proof glass Chinese joints that we might otherwise overlook insomuch as that most of these places are best overlooked. If this sounds like a bad idea to you, then you are a coward. Go read The New York Times dining section, coward.

    The truth is that certain of these much-maligned Chinese take-out joints provide the customer with lobster that is not only passable but even comparable to the lobster that one might obtain at five or six times the cost at some other, more picturesque establishment near Central Park. On, then, to a couple of Brooklyn Chinese joints, each fairly representative of what one will find in pursuit of lobster at any joint of the genre.

    Lee Garden (121 Wyckoff) provides us with several thrifty options by which we might put lobster in our mouths and eat it. There is, for instance, the Szechuan lobster, which is comprised of an entire lobster served with onion and otherwise adorned with spicy chili sauce and which goes for $15. Even more cost-effective routes include the self-explanatory lobster fried rice and the lobster lo mein, both going for four bucks and change. The latter should only be considered by those who have already wrapped their minds and palates around the inimitable sensibilities of Chinese cuisine; the texture is of that same, relatively insubstantial sort that so often freaks out those Westerners who are expecting something entirely different. Incidentally, the chef does not actually resemble the smiling pseudo-anime avatar presented on the take-out menu, who must work a different shift.

    Shang Hai (824 Broadway) is more faithful to the traditional aesthetic than Lee Garden insomuch as that is so small as to have only one booth and is situated far closer to a liquor store. The menu itself almost harangues us with options. There is the lobster lo mein and lobster fried rice again as well as lobster chop suey, all going for a bit under five dollars. The lobster chow ho fun acts as an intermediate option for those who simply must have some greater portion of lobster and must also have it served with flat noodles. But the most impressive crustacean dish to be found here - and it is also generally worth having wherever it is served, being one of the region's most interestin dishes altogether - is the whole lobster served Cantonese style ($15), which is to say in as starchy a manner as possible; although preparations vary, the sauce is almost always dependent on fermented black beans treated with cornstarch.

Meanwhile, the restaurant itself happens to be positioned next to a Mexican grocery of which the perpetually-open basement serves as a practice space for a mariachi band or some such thing, and the Wise Dead Intern was once overheard to have said that entertainment is best when it is free and also when it involves a basement.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 1:46 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Almost done, will have it to you in about 30, for reals this time.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:30 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

Cool.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:29 PM, Barrett Brown <barriticus@gmail.com> wrote:

Yeah, give me an hour or so.

On Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:10 PM, Paul Caine <pcaine@theonion.com> wrote:

Hi Barrett,

Any way you could get that lobster article in soon, ideally very soon? Thanks,

Paul

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY

--
Paul Caine
NY Assistant City Editor The A.V. Club
900 Broadway, Suite 203
New York, NY 10003
p 212-777-3700 x232 | f 212-777-3716
newyork.avclub.com
twitter.com/AVClubNY