| Subject: Chat with Caleb Pritchard |
| From: Caleb Pritchard <cpritchard2001@gmail.com> |
2:43 PM Caleb: "Word Album" or "World Album"?
me: word album
Caleb: Fix it, dumbass.
me: a-okay!
3:05 PM Caleb: "The nation's television networks remained under Kremlin control, and independent journalists critical of Putin and his allies began receiving unusually high numbers of death threats and."
3:26 PM me: already fixed it
thanks though
Caleb: Fag.
"On one side, you're going to see the trial of Saddam Hussein. On the other side, you're going to see the trial of the Iraqi people."
3:27 PM That can't be right!
Did he just say that the Iraqi people are going to be on trial?!
But, wait. I'll keep reading...
"That's right, the Iraqi people will also be on trial "
3:28 PM me: he does constructions like that about three times that I have seen
I'll show you in a sec
3:33 PM Caleb: Lacks cohesion.
3:47 PM me: all together?
3:56 PM Caleb: Can something lack cohesion in parts?
me: yes
a portion can lack cohesion within itself
anyway, i don't believe in cohesion
Caleb: Well, it's cohesive in that it's primarily regarding Tom Friedman.
3:57 PM But it jumps from Russia to Iraq to the Mideast to China, etc.
me: i know
that's the thematic
it's like a thriller!
seriously, though
Caleb: I didn't really know we were done with Russia until well into the Middle East parts.
3:58 PM me: the alternative is to berate the reader about Russia for like 4000 words straight
ah, I see
I
I
damnit
I will put in something to signify that Russia is over
actually, I'll put in more stuff about Russia at the end
like whatshisname being killed by polonium
3:59 PM Caleb: Well, you've also got the bit about the frameworks, etc., that serve as the most viscerally damaging point of attack.
4:00 PM But it's buried in between all of these seemingly random instances of his general blundering-ness.
At least, that was my impression.
4:01 PM And who am I but merely one more citizen of Shamrock, Texas?
4:02 PM me: well, I can still change it up
4:03 PM but that version will go out tomorrow to buyers and whatnot
along with an introductory chapter that's pretty bitchin'
Caleb: Hm.
Buyers, beware!
me: and an excerpt from my awesome assault on William Bennett
lock up your daughters!
4:04 PM Caleb: Seriously, give me a thousand dollars.
4:08 PM me: sure, just as soon as I get done paying for Straub's new braces and school uniforms and innoculations
4:09 PM Caleb: THE H1N1 VACCINE IS A....
uhm.
...something bad.
Scam or something.
It's bad and stuff.
4:10 PM But, now look. Obama-sama didn't ship out enough of it.
They're terrorin' us!
4:11 PM me: damn socialized medicine
wait, is someone complaining about lack of publicly-funded innoculations
?
4:12 PM DID YOU KNOW THAT THE NATIONAL SOCIALIST PARTY WAS LIBERAL?
IT SAYS SOCIALIST RIGHT THERE!
AND THE DPRK IS DEMOCRATIC THEREFORE
Caleb: More like the Democratic Party is DPRK!!
4:13 PM me: HA HA YEAH!
Caleb: Yeah, so my grandpa has lung cancer and gets chemo treatments once every two weeks or so.
me: BOB DOLE! BOB DOLE!
Caleb: and each treatment is followed up by some sort of white blood cell/platelet shot.
4:14 PM that costs somewhere in the area of $4,500.
Fully subsidized by Medicare.
4:15 PM I still don't know anything about this healthcare nonsense story, having myself only read one complete article on the issue in the past two months.
4:16 PM But I know that I actively want my grandparents to die.
4:17 PM Especially before the death tax is reinstated.
Zap.
4:21 PM me: lol death tax
you won't be able to call it that after the FAIRNESS DOCTRINE IS PUT IN FORCE
I get National Review again
4:22 PM Caleb: Climategate.
me: remember that humor column by Rob Long?
With his little picture?
the little drawing of him?
Anyway, this week he TOTALLY PWNS Khalid Sheik Mohammaed
4:23 PM Caleb: Linkage, bro.
Linkage.
me: print edition, faggot
4:24 PM you're in Shamrock, I'm in Brooklyn, you should be able to get your own copy
I have to actually subscribe or go all the way to Manhattan
so, you know
go to one of the bookstores
Caleb: National Review may actually be too East Coast elitist for Shamrock.
me: one of the many bookstores or newstands
yeah, Catholic, too
Caleb: My grandma gets a bunch of stuff in the mail.
4:25 PM Mainly mailers from Ollie North and Newt Gingrich and SarahPAC, etc.
But she also gets Weekly Standard and, my fave, Human Events.
4:26 PM me: sweeeet
Caleb: Surprisingly, no one has yet caught on to the fact that I'm a nigger-loving faggot commie.
4:27 PM Or commie faggot.
Whichever.
me: homophobic faggot
Caleb: I need to get out of here.
Help me.
4:28 PM I've got a car.
me: no, STEAL a car
i mean rob a starbucks
ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN
Caleb: Seriously.
I've got a car IN MY NAME.
me: well, sell it and fly up
Caleb: Give me money and a cover story.
4:29 PM http://nrd.nationalreview.com/article/?q=MGI0NzcxY2E1ZjY4OTBmMjU5NmM0M2UyNzRlZDRkYWY=
Zap.
I can use the car to make money.
There'll be no selling of the car.
4:30 PM me: My room is going condo
Caleb: Or at the very least, I can sell when I get up there.
How's that?
me: bring me $500 and you can live in a corner of it forever
4:31 PM Caleb: That's a terrible idea.
me: REALLY?
4:32 PM actually, how about this
sell add space for Scallywag and Vagabond
you can do it from there for now
Andy's having a bit of luck
Caleb: I can't do that.
4:33 PM me: yeah you can
Caleb: No, I can't.
me: then die in a small town
Caleb: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ADD SPACE IS, BARRETT!!!!
me: oh snap!
4:34 PM Caleb: Which is to say, I can probably sell ad space for that Scalavogs and Baggywands thing.
4:36 PM me: yeah, andy is on the phone in the other room sealing the deal with the guy who owns Goodbye Blue Monday
4:37 PM Caleb: What do I need to know?
Is there some sort of sales packet?
me: we'll get you some info
4:39 PM Caleb: In the meantime, I'm gonna make myself a hardcore XTML programmer-internets-geek.
me: I see
try Python
4:40 PM Caleb: First things first.
4:54 PM Caleb: Oh, hey.
You called me.
To offer me thousands of dollars, I presume...?
4:57 PM me: yes
4:58 PM Caleb: Oh.
Oh good.
5:06 PM Caleb: http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-12-06/fitting-in-at-fox/?cid=hp:vertical:l
5:10 PM me: let me know if you see any war on christmas nonsense
gonna do a piece on it for Vanity Fair
5:11 PM Caleb: I can do that.
5:55 PM Caleb: Fistgate.
http://gatewaypundit.firstthings.com/2009/12/fistgate-barack-obamas-safe-schools-czar-promoted-fisting-to-14-year-olds/
6:04 PM Caleb: Also, it's been unusually cold in Shamrock the past few days.
So, you know.
Climategate.