| Subject: Chat with Miriam Carothers |
| From: Miriam Carothers <m.w.carothers@gmail.com> |
8:12 PM Miriam: are you always on the computer?
8:13 PM me: these days, yes. have 40,000 words to write in a week
Miriam: wow.
8:14 PM well, try to make sense I guess.
me: and there can't be any mistakes or I'll be eaten alive
Miriam: Start a meth habit. You'll be fine.
ha
me: tried that, didn't work well
Miriam: ew!
8:15 PM me: yes, it's bad business
Miriam: You were cleaning your apt like a nut I'm sure. Never done it myself.
me: this was a long time ago
8:16 PM didn't have my own apartment at the time
wouldn't have cleaned it anyway
8:18 PM how goes the deterioration of your longtime relationship?
Miriam: swimmingly. Thanks.
8:19 PM I think I'm in love with Jim Beam.
me: he gets around
Miriam: ha
8:22 PM I don't wanna werk manyana. grrrr.
Pickling myself is so nice.
8:23 PM me: what do you do?
Miriam: I'm like a canned, preserved lemon.
8:24 PM I'm the exec chef at Society of Illustrators. I run the show so there's never any calling in sick....ever. Ugh. I cooked with Stroub at the havalena party you had 2 years ago. Remember/
?
8:25 PM me: yess
Miriam: He made some mac' n cheese monstrosity....nah itwas good. I did something with duck. I figured game with game.
duh.
me: pate
or some such
8:26 PM duck confit, rather
Miriam: si senor. good memory.
8:28 PM Yes, I cook.
Thrilling.
8:29 PM me: how long do you plan to do that?
Miriam: 36.
8:30 PM open a gallery/restaurant in Woodstock.
go back into court illustration and possibly story boarding.
8:31 PM 7 years to get my ducks in line.
you?
me: writing books
8:32 PM forever
Miriam: No hot air ballooning and Richard Branson-esque shenanigans?
me: nope
8:33 PM don't approve of tht
8:34 PM Miriam: oh well.
8:35 PM me: I'm not very exciting
Miriam: I think I tried to read some link ofyours butwas too drunk.
8:36 PM me: an article?
Miriam: yes.
You are lovely but not good drunk fodder.
ennyvay.....
8:37 PM me: I usually am
wait a few minutes
Miriam: oh tay!
8:51 PM me: okay, brb in five minutes with anecdotes and general entertainment
8:52 PM Miriam: huh? ok. neat.
9:01 PM me: there was an Ecuadoran drug dealer who came upon a nice picture frame containing some prominent modern art print
he showed it to me and I agreed that it was very nice, and was impressed that he was himself so excited about it
9:02 PM "Yes," he said, "I'm going to use it for my Scarface jigsaw puzzle. I did the whole puzzle myself."
Then he threw out the print
Miriam: Which print? or artist?
me: can't remember
9:03 PM Miriam: what did it look like?
me: the details elude me
I'm not well-versed in art myself
Miriam: ah. how did you get the feeling it was prominent
me: particularly not the modern sort
9:04 PM someone else explained this to me
the print was in our apartment for a while
along with the scarface jigsaw puzzle
Miriam: Lord knows Fuller and I are.
me: the locals were selling weed out of our apartment that summer, so we accumulated various things
Miriam: That's festive.
9:06 PM My last roommate was a big time pot dealer. He had a 300 dollar lock on our door and if Ilost the key I was fucked.
It was festive.
9:07 PM I hate opiates, weed, anything that slows me down so we were great roommates. I neverhit his oxys or pot.
50 year old ex sumo wrestler. Stroub met him.
Anyway, familiar with the drug house concept.
9:08 PM Fuck. Going grey. this is getting ridiculous. Grey at 29. It's curtains for me.
9:09 PM do you leave the house?
writewritewrite
9:10 PM wet willies are when you lick yourfinger and stick it in the ear of someone sleeping right?
9:12 PM me: sorry, have an impromptu visitor, one moment
Miriam: you and the impromtu visitors....
9:13 PM me: trying to reduce their number
lot of loose ends from my more adventurous days
very cliche, all of it
as soon as things get really good for me, I'll no doubt be shot at the end of the movie
9:21 PM Miriam: I don't understand
9:34 PM me: just a joke, reference to crappy old Spike Lee films
now I have more guests
9:42 PM me: and Melvin has promised to pay me the $300 he owes me
9:44 PM one sec
9:45 PM Miriam: ok. yer funny.
9:55 PM me: sorry
the soap opera continues
9:56 PM Miriam: more lady drama?
9:57 PM me: nah
9:58 PM the fellow who owed me $300 and who my friend pulled a gun on last time we met and who had since threatened some unspecified retribution stopped by with a couple from New Jersey who were in search of drugs
9:59 PM being fickle, the fellow has decided to pay me the money he owes me
meanwhile I procured a bundle of heroin for the couple
and then engaged them in polite discussion about politics
10:00 PM this is why I can't get work done
but at least I'm never bored
10:01 PM Miriam: riiight. Why so much heroin?
10:02 PM me: they like to do heroin, I guess
and Melvin brought them here since he can't get heroin on his own
10:03 PM they're about to leave, I think
10:08 PM Miriam: Well, you are an odd bird.
10:10 PM me: some day I will live in a sound-proof chamber, and no one will be allowed entrance unless I push a button
and robots will eject people if they stay too long
10:11 PM Miriam: sounds cute
me: yes, because the wallpaper will depict little ducklings
10:14 PM Miriam: Duck is so good.
Quit hanging out with junkies
10:15 PM me: working on it
in this case, I was just being polite
the poor hapless couple had stumbled upon Melvin and asked him to get them drugs
10:19 PM he would have accidentally gotten them magic beans on his own, and it wasn't any trouble for me to go around the corner and get them heroin
10:20 PM Miriam: be careful.
me: no way
10:21 PM I brought my big flag that says "I AM A DRUG MULE"
but enough about me and my moderately amusing anecdotes
how has your day been>
10:22 PM Miriam: excellent actually. Thanks for asking. I drank and did laundry. Domestic adorableness.
10:23 PM and yourself?
me: I spent the day intending to do laundry
read instead
10:24 PM then wrote myself into a corner and had to scrap it
Miriam: I got my NY Times, Daily News and Post, Sunday paper fest, cleaned and puttered about.
10:26 PM me: that reminds me, I must call National Review and ask them where the hell my magazines are
10:27 PM my grandma has tried to buy me a subscription for my birthday but for some reason this hasn't resulted in me receiving any magazines
10:29 PM that's really a very important part of a magazine, exchanging money for copies of the magazine
10:30 PM I suspect that there is something awry