| Subject: Chat with Mirna Hariz |
| From: Mirna Hariz <mirnahariz@gmail.com> |
10:48 PM me: so
I tried to break up with this girl over the weekend
10:49 PM and it didn't work
Mirna: y?
u wanted to marry her
me: yeah, but remember my genes and how stupid my parents are and how many times they both got married
she's nuts
she kept coming over
10:50 PM Mirna: uh huh
and what
me: last night she came over again drunk as hell and kept trying to force me to go into my bedroom with her
so then I finally did and fucked her and she screamed so loud that everyone could hear
and then
a half hour later
she denied that we had just had sex
Mirna: to who?
10:51 PM toyou?
me: yes
Mirna: haha
she's crazy!
me: so then
she's arguing with me again about how self-centered and immature I am
Mirna: you are yes
me: so I record it on my nifty little digital voice recorder
Mirna: you dick
and then you played it back
when she denied saying it
the next day?
me: no
10:52 PM that was the plan
she then wanted me to voice record our sex
so I did so
Mirna: k
me: then later that evening she finds the other secret recording and gets all pissed off
and then we have sex again
and she threatens to sue me
10:53 PM because supposedly I'm going to use her in my science fiction novel
also there's like twenty other things
10:54 PM Mirna: i'm invisible
but still here
me: magic arab magic
Mirna: hahahaha
she is crazy
you should marry her
me: thing thing is
Mirna: then you'll be just like your dad
me: she wasn't as crazy two weeks ago
Mirna: they never are barrett
10:55 PM they never are
me: but on friday she got pissed off at me for some reason when we woke up, so I went home
and then she kept asking me to come back so we could talk about why she was suddenly mad at me
so I kept telling her I was kind of busy
Mirna: haha
10:56 PM me: you know what? I'll tell you the rest next time I see you because I can't even type this much
anywho, I had a meeting today about this TV pilot
10:57 PM so perhaps that'll work out and I'll become extra famous
10:58 PM Mirna: wow!
what kind of pilot?
11:12 PM me: political/policy investigation, humor
Mirna: you would be on it?
me: my friends Jamie Kilstein and Allison Kilkenny were offered the pilot and they want me to be head writer
I'd probably be on as well, yees
11:13 PM he's a comedian, she's a writer for HuffPo and other things I write or
for
11:14 PM he tours with Janeane Garofalo and they have the same agent, he's spearheading the whole thing plus we've got some producer whom we'll probably drop because he's a giant faggot
11:18 PM at any rate, we're trying to pick out a subject for the pilot that would pacify the execs without being too watered down
so I've got this unusually big story I've been working on for a couple of months that I think will work
Mirna: ha nice
11:19 PM me: i interviewed the provost of Vanderbilt last month about this nonsense that went down in 2002
and caught him being fairly disingenuous several times
now he's all freaked out
11:20 PM I've also got some pretty incriminating documents
altogether, we're going to wreak havoc on a lot of people
11:26 PM Mirna: awesome
i love u
11:27 PM me: you're damn right you do
Mirna: <3
11:55 PM me: oh, forgot
the girlfriend came over last week right after this other girl I'd been fucking around with on and off had arrived unannounced
such that I had no time to explain the situation to either of them
11:56 PM Mirna: omg
haha
me: so they were talking and getting along even though the other one, who's Australian, was all butthurt
Mirna: awww
11:57 PM me: and then the gf got mad at me over something else and left
but first the Aussie had left
but then she came back
Mirna: hahahaha
me: the Aussie
and she stayed over
and then the next morning
the gf
11:58 PM who had earlier that night been calling me and telling me that were now broken up
of course changed her mind the next morning and started frantically calling me