Hey, I managed to write something. Will get you worded-up logo later today, promise.
Notes from Bushwick
It's
hard to get a sense of whether one should like or dislike the local
cops. On the one hand, they often act with incredible restraint
relative to what you'd see back West. In one incident I had the good
fortune to witness, a random douchebag was thrown out of a bar near Union Square by the bouncer; when the douchebag
continued to hang around out front and make menacing comments to the
bouncer, the cops were called. Two of them strolled up a few minutes
later, at which point the douchebag
was literally being held back by a friend lest he advance on the
bouncer or at least pretend to sort of intend to do so; the cops
decided that the guy was not really a threat insomuch as that he was in
no condition to fight a bouncer twice as large as himself, told him to
get the fuck out of there, and then continued their stroll in the other
direction. On another occasion, some homeless junkie who had hit his
friend with a fake sword was not arrested, but rather mocked by the
cops, who told passing females that the guy had hepatitis. In Texas,
both men would have been arrested.
But both of those scenes occurred in Manhattan. Here in Bushwick, I've been stopped and searched twice for no good reason; the first time, I made the mistake of accompanying two PuertoRicans
to a liquor store while wearing a suit, which apparently constitutes
probable cause around these parts. The alpha cop called me a liar when
I denied possessing any drugs, then felt a brief tinge of triumph when
he found a bottle cap in my pocket, which he quickly deemed to be drug
paraphernalia, as if people wearing suits smoke hard drugs out of
bottle caps. Eventually they let me go with a warning that New York is
more dangerous than my native Dallas, which is demonstrably untrue. The
second time, I turned the corner onto Beaver Street just as a group of undercovers
were picking up some old black guy for selling drugs or having drugs or
wanting drugs or some such. This, too, constitutes probable cause in Bushwick.
I just saw an 80
something year old lady give this guy sitting in front of a fast food
joint a dollar. There is definitely hope for us all.
I'm in a room surrounded by six women talking rite now. Don't you envy me!
Michael Jackson
just died of a heart attack. When reached for comment Joe Jackson,
father said "why couldn't it be Tito". Too soon?
Terminator! I'm
such a nerd. I wanna be a cyborg. What would u do if u had those
abilities. I'd have sex for hours and not have down time
Everyone in LA is
driving around with Laker flags on their cars. They're making so much
money off those. Mencia flags? Hmmmmmm....noooot!
In conclusion, Carlos Mencia is actually half-German. Tell everyone you know. Plus he steals jokes, presumably in service to the Fatherland.
* Though Sharia law is patriarchalist
nonsense and silly besides, it's not fundamentally more inimical to
liberty than, say, the criminalization of consensual activity inherent
to the drug war and blue laws and other such fascist facets of American
life. Nonetheless, there is a class of heavily-Christian conservative
pundit that is intent on crying wolf each time some or another
institution caters to the particular superstitions of Western Muslims. The latest incident
involves a Sharia-friendly bank account offered by a U.K. financial
institution; according to the usual suspects, Muslims are being favored
over good ol'
Englishmen by way of reduced fees on overdrafts. What the usual
suspects don't mention is that anyone can get this particular account,
not just Muslims, and that the reason that everyone does not get these
accounts is because they suck.