| From: Anna Bohichik <anna.bohichik@gmail.com> |
9:21 PM Anna: hi, you
me: yo yo
9:22 PM Anna: i love new york.
me: how so?
Anna: not sure.
for many reasons.
do you?
me: I thought you were all about leaving NY for either Europe or upstate
9:23 PM Anna: no.
not anymore.
me: you were
Anna: i know!
i need to live for the day again.
me: well, I'm glad you're reconciling with the city
Anna: i had it and then lost it and i think i found it again
me: maybe you do
Anna: yes
congrats on the book #2!
9:24 PM me: thanks, I'm pretty pleased with it
Anna: i'm so happy for you
me: would you be interesting in going to one of these events tomorrow if any are good?
Anna: i can't, i have band practice. :(
9:25 PM me: another time then
your hardcore band?
Anna: plus i have a funny rash on my face, would not make u look too good
me: stay away then
I can't be seen with rash girls
Anna: hardcore. :{P
me: your emoticon is broken
Anna: hahaha
9:26 PM that was crazy!
what did i do?
me: I don't know, I'm not a scientist
Anna: :{
:{}
:[|
me: very good
Anna: :}|
{{:
:}{
:}
:{
9:27 PM me: gettin your groove back, eh?
Anna: HA SHUT UP
ok, bye
...
me: ...
9:28 PM Anna: wait
tell me more about the book
if you want
me: don't know much about it yet
still taking notes, thinking about how to do it
9:29 PM Anna: you think the vanity fair article helped get the deal?
9:30 PM that was really good
me: yep
Anna: sparked interest
from the publi
public
(stutter)
me: yeah, that's pretty much what convinced him to do the deal
9:31 PM Anna: that's great
so are you going to take me to black betty's for dinner now that you are rich?
9:32 PM me: yep
wanna go this weekend?
Anna: yeah
sat night?
9:33 PM or sunday
me: soitanly
saturday;s good for me
Anna: ok, cool
i have a bard reunion part on friday
me: wow, again?
9:34 PM Anna: when was the last one?
me: you guys are geeks
Anna: last year!
i know
me: I don't remember, but you always seem to be having little mini bard reunions
Anna: yes
me: STAY TRUE TO YOUR SCHOOL
Anna: i have no choice
TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL
9:35 PM bard wasn't really like school
it was camp
for intellectuals and autistic artists
like meeeee
and wannabes like myself
me: that's the impression
9:36 PM I got
Anna: paradise
you should go upstate sometime
you would love it
i guarantee
and i am always right
me: yes, I remember
9:37 PM Anna: happy earth day
me: oh, yeah
Anna: am i bothering you? ahha
hahah
me: ahha!
Anna: huhuhuhahhaha
9:38 PM me: so why are you now living for today all of a sudden?
did you have a seizure?
Anna: hmm, maybe that's what that was!
i freaked out a little
last week
i had a panic attack, actually
9:39 PM me: I see
what brought that on?
Anna: at the dentist!
me: that's a good place for it
Anna: well, they gave me all these shots to numb my mouth
and the anesthesia dripped down into my throat
9:40 PM and i seriously couldn't feel from my nose down to my neck
so,
i thought i wasn't able to swallow
and totally freaked out
it was really funny
and horrible
me: you
9:41 PM you're cursed
Anna: om my god!
you are sooo mean
help me!
me: one sec
9:43 PM sorry, phone
take two aspirin and try to eat more fiber
9:44 PM I mean, find your center, my son
Anna: ok. well, i also was having these really deep thoughts.
hah
i'm your son
me: and what did these deep thoughts concern?
Anna: do you really want to know?
i feel bad talking about myself and my prbelms
9:45 PM i need a shrink
me: they might be interesting problems
Anna: i know, they are
but scary
well, you know i was raised atheist
so, naturally,
i don't believe in afterlife
9:46 PM and have been freaking out about death since i could conceive of the
idea
of nothingness
i was probablyy 6
and would freak out at night
and say that i couldn't take a breath,
like a full deep breath
9:47 PM so, now, i;m realizing that those were little panic attacks, i think'
anyway, that same feeling overcame me the other day
exactly like when i was 6
and i felt, for the first time, really, really scared about death
and i freaked out
9:48 PM but i think i'm ok now
but it's hard
it was hard not to think about it, for a few days
it was a major distraction
which is bad, i think i need a doctor and some medicine
because it was getting in the way of work and everything, i was so overwhelmed.
9:49 PM ok, i'm done. sorry
me: I've had similar death dread on occasion. I suggest sunshine
you might try drinking regularly, too, it's fun
9:50 PM that won't help with the death thing, but it's fun
Anna: haha
that's what i did all weekend
and it helped!
9:51 PM you think it's normal?
me: it's normal for intelligent people who aren't religious, yes, but it's easily overcome
remember that there was a time before you existed
Anna: yes, that's what i always think about
me: several billion years
Anna: and it's scary as fuck
9:52 PM like, to really think that your consciousness won't exist
me: well, it's not like you're going to be eaten by monsters
Anna: is soooo scary
yes, you are infact
by bugs
ewww, i'm having really gross thoguhts!
me: maybe you are, not me
Anna: haha
9:53 PM do you think i should see someone about it?
i think i need to just keep busy
i mean, what can you do
it just feels
liek
life is so fleeting
what does it matter
me: I really don't know
9:54 PM but if I worked 40 hour weeks, I'd be happy to die
I'm too lazy to be afraid of losing my consciousness
Anna: but
hahha
can we be frozen
?
you think?
me: yes
Anna: by the time we are old?
me: that's probably what the very wealthy do
9:55 PM Anna: fucking mickey mouse
me: they almost certainly have secret longevity programs and whatnot
Anna: walt hitler
me: right
but, again, they're rich
Anna: well, our culture is so obsessed with youth
i guess i'm overwhelmed
me: it's reasonable for a rich person to fear death
Anna: hahha
yeah,
9:56 PM socioeconomically
it's understood why so many poor cultures are religious
because their life stinks
which makes me so angry
but
also
i feel
life
9:57 PM is almost
it's just weird that out of all the atoms in the universe we are human
and have brains
and it's almost a curse
me: yep
9:58 PM it's strange to consider the implications
Anna: on the other hand, we should consider ourselves lucky
we have had this opportunity
to live
9:59 PM me: perhaps
Anna: but i get so overwhelmed
me: it's kind of a rigged game
Anna: what do you mean?
me: I understand how you feel
we're not geared towards happiness, but rather striving
it's not an optimal existence
Anna: our culture is
but we are not
10:00 PM me: oops, I gotta go, roommate needs to use my computer for work
Anna: ok, thanks for letting me vent
me: talk to you soon
any time
Anna: bye
me: night night
Anna: night