Hi Barret,

If you send me your address today, I will send you some MADsso you can get a sense oif what we’ve been doing lately. The best way to break in in our front of the book “Fundalini” section, which is is series of short takes. As you may have heard, we are now a quarterly, but hopefully there will be more opportunities to sell material in the year ahead. Keep in mind that MAD is visually driven.  We rarely run text pieces. See attached guidelines for more details.

Good luck!

Joe

 

-----Original Message-----
From: Barrett Brown [mailto:barriticus@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, March 24, 2009 8:10 PM
To: Raiola, Joe
Subject: Santopadre sent me

 

Yo, Joe-

Frank Santopadre told me that you might be interested in receiving some submissions from me, so I thought I'd get in touch. I used to write for Jest back in the day, and my other work has appeared in Vanity Fair, McSweeney's, National Lampoon, Skeptic, and other random publications.

I've pasted a piece below; let me know if this is the sort of thing you're looking for.

Thanks,

Barrett Brown
Brooklyn, NY
512-560-2302

A Guide to Gainful Employment

by Barrett Brown

 

These days, what with the recession and whatnot, blah blah blah. Go get a job.

 

Finding a Job

 

Check the want ads in your local newspaper for jobs editing the want ads section in your local newspaper.

 

Don't apply for that job listing you keep seeing on Craigslist about making $40,000-$60,000 a week from home. Wealth can change people.

 

The Application Process

 

Fib a bit on your resume. If you are asked to come in for an interview, confess to your dishonest behavior and break down in tears in front of the prospective employer. This will help to break the ice. Another good option is to ask the interviewer if he or she is a fan of a local sports franchise.

 

Although many job applicants are reluctant to bring up matters of salary during an interview, the subject is best dealt with immediately. Make sure that your potential employer understands that you require payment in gold or some other hard currency in order that you might better escape the attentions of certain "factions” within the “so-called American government." Repeat this six or seven times during the interview for emphasis.

 

Appearance is important. Dress up in bright apparel decorated with images of beloved cartoon characters like Tweety Bird and the Tasmanian Devil. Or, if there was ever a cartoon with "baby" versions of the characters of in question, such as perhaps a Baby Tasmanian Devil or some such, try to wear something with that on it.

 

During the interview, pretend that your cell phone is ringing, ask for the employer to excuse you for a moment, and pretend to engage in a very important conversation with someone on the other end. Here are some things you can say:

 

·         "Tell the Duchess that I'll have no dealings with such adventurers as Terentio de Monte Albano Royalton."

·         "I shan't be home for dinner this evening."

·         "I shan't attend the Limousine Festival because I'll be busy eating dinner at home this evening."

·         "Prepare the cutlery and the wine for the dinner that we shan't not be having this evening."

·         "Ensure that a chilled bottle of Zima awaits me in the cloakroom at home this evening."

·         "For king and country!"

·         There are also other things that you could probably say.

 

Settling In

 

When you arrive at work, explain to your co-workers that this is not your real job, and that you are actually an artist. They will admire you for your honesty.

 

Try to get your boss to give you a pager so you can wear it to Chili's when you go have lunch with all of your little co-workers. Nice pager, bro.