From: Joshua Hawkins <josh.r.hawk@gmail.com>
To: barriticus@gmail.com

me: that sounds like me
Joshua: i remember how you almost fell down while walking in a straight line w/o obstacles or obstructions
me: yep
Joshua: you were pretty drunk last night
Joshua: very well
me: it was beautiful
me: I told Deflon to fuck off last night
me: zomg lol
Joshua: and i played alot of fallout 3
me: I'm glad I was blacked out then
me: wow
Joshua: it sounded like caleb just wanted to talk to someone about being frustrated w/ life
Joshua: i wouldn't say that
me: very well
me: so, caleb was the voice of reason
Joshua: i think caleb finally showed up to deal with his crazy black antics
me: priceless
Joshua: for about 2 min
Joshua: he drops the cigarette on the floor and then starts talking to an imaginary invisible friend
me: very wise
Joshua: so i gave him a cigarette - to get him out of my room so i could sleep
me: lulz
Joshua: he came into my room and fell on my floor at 2 or so
me: I'm actually still drunk
me: oh, good
me: as usual, he was freaked out over our crazy white antics
Joshua: even though mel was falling down drunk too
Joshua: will do
Joshua: very well
me: you'll have to ask mel
me: I'm afraid I don't have any specifics
me: also, the stripper had the best ass ever
Joshua: i need moar details here
me: but I don't recall the specifics
me: about me being about to kick his ass
Joshua: about
me: because the Puerto Rican ran off to Deflon to go tell on me
Joshua: anything specific
me: I also almost got in a fight with some Puerto Rican
Joshua: ?
Joshua: why'd you tell him to fuck off
me: sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
Joshua: touche, salesman
me: okay, I'll tell Mel to bring over some more call girls
Joshua: you guys need to start picking up girls
Joshua: would that i could
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONETHEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: THEN WHO WAS PHONE
me: you need to start videotaping these thing
Joshua: what were you guys drinking gasoline cut with steroids and whiskey
me: wow
Joshua: you also almost fell off of the couch - while seated - no momentum whatsoever - like three times
Joshua: no women on the internet - got it
me: better yet, troll something else
me: and you're looking at them with your faggot eyes
me: Also, Warhammer 40,000 is for fags
Joshua: i don't know that that would suffice / fly
me: Abraham Lincoln was a nigger
Joshua: how should i respond - troll among men
Joshua: hey /b/ - my grandmother just emailed me this quote from honest abe -- REMEMBER THESE WORDS BEFORE YOU VOTE. THERE IS A LOT OF TRUTH HERE.
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.

--Abraham Lincoln

Joshua: she'll prob have a stroke
me: a letter he wrote
me: I know, my book is very useful
Joshua: what's that from
me: that'll get the old woman's sweat ducts rolling
Joshua: very well - that was in yourbook i believe
Joshua: damn
me: FTW
me: -Abraham Lincoln
me: "My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them."
Joshua: i just dressed up my request for your wit with the /b/ thing
Joshua: that's a quote my grandmother sent me
me: I've got a quote for you to send
Joshua: no - i just said that
me: I thought this was a post on /b/
me: oh, wait
Joshua: i just want a quality response for my grandmother's passive aggressive - i've voting for mccain email
me: and then send it to Andrew
Joshua: very well
Joshua: yes yes
me: or probability
me: or, go make an incorrect assertion about mathematics
me: trolling /b/ is worthless, go to the traditional games board and explain that Dwarf Fortress isn't a good game because if it was they'd have it for the Nintendo DS
Joshua: unless i misunderstandings it
Joshua: that's a quality quote - he's sticking up for lincoln
Joshua: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
me: he's dead to me
me: fuck Teddy Roosevelt
Joshua: "To discriminate against a thoroughly upright citizen because he belongs to some particular church, or because, like Abraham Lincoln, he has not avowed his allegiance to any church, is an outrage against that liberty of conscience which is one of the foundations of American life." Teddy Roosevelt letter to J. C. Martin, 9 November 1908
Joshua: Lincoln in a letter to Judge J.S. Wakefield, after the death of Willie Lincoln
Joshua: "My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures have become clearer and stronger with advancing years, and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them." Lincoln in a letter to Judge J.S. Wakefield, after the death of Willie Lincoln
me: christ, the election is soon
me: good, do your part to suppress fascist voter turnout
Joshua: see what i did there
Joshua: "To discriminate against a thoroughly upright citizen because he belongs to some particular church, or because, like BARRETT BROWN, he has not avowed his allegiance to any church, is an outrage against that liberty of conscience which is one of the foundations of American life." Teddy Roosevelt letter to J. C. Martin, 9 November 1908
Joshua: that's what i sent her
Joshua: "An outspoken political conservative, Rev. Boetcker is perhaps best remembered for his authorship of a pamphlet entitled The Ten Cannots. Originally published in 1916, it is often misattributed to Abraham Lincoln. The error apparently stems from a leaflet printed in 1942 by a conservative political organization called the Committee for Constitutional Government. The leaflet bore the title "Lincoln on Limitations" and contained some genuine Lincoln quotations on one side and the "Ten Cannots" on the other, with the attributions juxtaposed. The mistake of crediting Lincoln for having been the source of "The Ten Cannots" has been repeated many times since, most notably by Ronald Reagan in a speech he gave at the 1992 Republican convention in Houston.

There are several minor variants of the pamphlet in circulation, but the most commonly-accepted version appears below:

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence.
And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves."